So hello this is a new account so BF don’t see.
I’m a gay man happily engaged however my partner has always wanted children. But due to my childhood I don’t want children as I fear I won’t be able to give the emotional support and be able to look after them in every way like emotionally or mentally and I don’t want to do what my biological mother and father did to me and ruin another generation.
I feel so horrific because I feel like I’m robbing a wonderful man of his dream and I don’t want to be the reason of his unhappiness but I couldn’t mentally and physically (due to some disabilities) cope with looking after a child or two and the last thing I’d ever want would be to inflict childhood trauma on a child I couldn’t live with myself. As a child abuse survivor I don’t feel I have the qualities or necessities to be able to be a good dad.
I’ve been battling my self to the point it’s causing me to have depression and I’m not sure how I should say it or what I should say as I said I don’t want to rob someone of their dream but I love this man with all my heart and it’s killing me
EDIT bit more info
I’m 24 he’s 25 been together for 4.5 years I’ve tried to talk to my adoptive mum and partner but I get the same old thing “you’ll be fine” you’ll be a great dad or you’ll love it when you have one.
I don’t want to have a child then find out I’m a god awful parent
Thanks in advance
2 comments
How old are you both and how long have you been together? I think some additional context can help us give you the best advice.
Have you had discussions with your partner about this topic? Children are one of those issues where if you can’t agree on how to proceed, it can really be a deal breaker.
I thought the same thing until I had a baby with my daughter’s mom. Never looked back. I do have a good support structure, so that helps a lot. Best of luck to you. I think you have plenty of time to do more research.