Im 18m i recently graduated high school, today i went to work for the fist time and realised how terrible my social skills, every single interaction i had was absolutely terrible and my coworkers probably think im slow in the mind or something, i legit thought about quitting because i dont wanna re live the embarrassment, i cant live like this i need to do something, all the video on the subject are extremely vague and are like ” just talk to people bro”, what i need is the ‘explain like im 5″ autistic level guide that starts from level 0 and and progressively overloads, can you help me. Thanks in advance
8 comments
The basics are to be friendly and cool. I.e. Friendly = kind and pleasant Cool = free from excitement, anxiety, or excessive emotion!
If you get embarrassed easily just start with the basics, just be polite to people. You don’t have to make people laugh or tell funny stories especially with people at work. But over time you will be more comfortable with people to be more who you are i.e how you act with you your friends.
Owen cook has a really good set of videos on youtube.
Remember to maintain eye contact and a smile when speaking with someone you want to be polite to.
Basic small talk script: “hi how are you?” “I’m good, you?” Then an open ended question like “how was your weekend?” Or “what’re you up to today?”
If they give short answers and seem like they’re busy or their attention is elsewhere, it ends here. Just say “alright, see you later.” If it seems they’re open to chat, let them, and ask developing questions. Pretend you’re an interviewer on late night TV and you’re trying to get them to share more about the topic they opened up. Or, if they’re asking you questions, answer them with a few sentences (you don’t want to give too-short responses that sound terse).
When there’s a pause in the conversation or you can see their attention drifting, you can end it by saying “anyway, I gotta get to [work related task], I’ll catch you later!”
Small talk is about making someone feel that you’re interested in them. It’s about making someone feel recognized and acknowledged in a friendly way. Even if it’s just superficial, it’s a small pleasure that makes day to day life more enjoyable. So pretend to be mildly interested in what people say, even if you’re not.
Look up “A survival guide for autistic people” by Marc Segar. It’ll help
I think the trick to talking with neurotypicals is continuing a conversation that doesn’t really need to be continued. I use a lot of “really?”, “oh that’s cool”, or I’ll repeat what they just said in a confused tone. Kind of like I’m trying to confirm what they said. I also ask a lot of questions about whatever they’re saying. Eventually it will be easier to have continuous conversation and will lead to you becoming more comfortable with your coworkers. Maybe you guys will even become close friends. It just takes some time which I know can be frustrating.
With that being said I still hate it sometimes. I feel like not everything needs a response and some stories are meant to last forever. I also don’t think we should have to talk about things we don’t care about for the sake of not being rude.
I eventually found friends at work that are really good about working with me. Meaning that they try not to take the things that I say in a bad way. If I don’t respond they don’t get angry they just know that I don’t feel the need to respond. This also comes with me having to work with them. I’ve found out that a lot of the things I say can actually be hurtful, so I’m trying to work on my communication because I care about my friends.
I hope this helps in some way.
All of the posts here are at that level.
The next step is just practice.
First watch this video and see if you’re doing anything weird or awkward
https://youtu.be/rVJ5z_BrRCE
Next try this exercise to build confidence
https://youtu.be/0xUUEWW1baY
Finally, take a look at this BeeFriend course to learn the skills to make friends
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLE_vQWWxgaiHbUFDuNnqxfui3lrE2jjwO
If you watch all those videos you’ll have all the knowledge you need to be a socially confident & intelligent person.
There is [https://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/](https://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/) written by an autistic person.
One of the basic things is that: At the end of the day, people just want to talk. Talking inherently regulates the speaker’s emotion. Give them what they really want : a chance to talk about themselves, their views, their knowledges, their predictions, things that *they* find interesting. It’s almost nothing to do with what you find interesting or what you have to say. I don’t care if you are joe rogan, no one is really interested in what somebody else has to say, at the basic level (Except when we need help on something).