My (26m) girlfriend(26F) of two years has a lot of male friends. I really like her friends, but sometimes I feel like she doesn’t maintain boundaries. One of her friends parents really love her and has said that they want her to date the male friend. She and the male friend have no interest in each other but she goes out to eat dinner or join in family events with the friends parents. That feels weird for me as I regard that to be something one generally does with a S/O and it makes me feel as if she’s leaving the door open for ambiguity between them. I’m not sure if I’m having too strict boundaries or if I’m have the right to feel a bit disregarded as her S/O through this?
Tldr: My girlfriend is accompanying male friend and his parents to events and dinners, almost as an unofficial girlfriend and it makes me uncomfortable.
11 comments
I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong of you to have those feelings and to express that you’re slightly uncomfortable with them, but I also don’t think it’s fair to limit your girlfriend. One of my best friends is a guy and his dad is a POS and his mom lives outta state. I’ve literally known him 10 years now and he and my dad get along great. My husband has literally never even met him to my dismay, but totally trusts and understands that this guy is a fixture in my life and not someone that I wanted to spend my life with. We’d actually probably kill each other haha
Moral of the story look at what’s making you uncomfortable and is there a way to find compromise? Do you need to spend more time with him? Is it a lack of trust in him or in your girlfriend or what?
She’s cheating on you or *on the onset stage of cheating*
I am a little confused- what’s an unofficial girlfriend?
And if they’re not into each other, how is she going to dinners with them ‘keeping things ambiguous’ with the guy?
If this is a boundary for you and you’re uncomfortable with her then by all means do bring it up to her. But I dont think going to dinners and events with friend’s parents would be considered partner activities, assuming that they’ve known each other for a long time now.
The parent are quite rude though if they bring up that they should date she’s in a relationship with you
Sounds like she has a good connection with the male friend’s parents. However, based on their comments about her and their son, I’d be uncomfortable with it as well. I guess how uncomfortable would depend on how much time she is spending with them, and how much time she spends one on one time with said male friends.
If you are really a big part of gf’s life, I wonder how she would feel if you accompany her to these events? When I was dating my now wife, she also had a close relationship with the parents of her ex-fiance. She took me to meet them – and although they were nice to me I suspect they didn’t like it. But she was “showing me off”, so to speak. She wanted me to meet them because they were important to her and part of her life – and she wanted them to be happy for her that she found someone else (their son dumped her several years prior, but she maintained the relationship with the parents).
So I think to get the full picture, you need to understand what gf is thinking, how she values you relative to the male friends, etc. Ultimately, she needs to prioritize you and respect your feelings, and show that she values you above all friendships. Communication and discussion on boundaries is usually the first line of defense when it comes to interactions with other males.
Of course, if she really is spending a lot of time with this family, that would be a concern for anyone – and poses another whole set of questions. There is a decent possibility the reason they are inviting her is to hopefully move things along with her and their son – which is not good if that is the case.
This is a typical story girl has BF but spending time with male friends or friend these never end well yes boundaries are in order but both need to agree and usually the GF doesn’t agree or saying I have no feelings or your being controlling so the only advice is to find someone else or some girl friends or friend so you can see what she’s feeling because your the 3rd wheel in this relationship sorry for being blunt good luck
Shit, I’d feel uneasy about this situation too. Do something before it eats you up, cause it will.
It’s all about boundaries. I’m in a relationship where some of my best friends are male and some of my bf’s best friends are female. There is a level of trust, respect, and even friendship between me and his female friend and him and my male friends, and we have full trust in each other. So for us, it’s not a boundary we are concerned with, but in the past when I worried about a female I would just communicate it.
If they’re the one then they will respect your concerns and adapt to them/compromise
Mate guarding is a thing that’s been around for as long as we humans have been.
Never feel uncertain about your intentions when it involves protecting your interests.
Would you have the same issue if she had a healthy relationship with a female friend’s parents?
Move on if you want less stress in your life, it will 100% not end well
I dont know what the problem is here besides the fact some of his family make comments. That should be nipped in the bud by them both. But what the heck does unofficial girlfriend mean dude? I’m a 26f and my best friend is a guy I’ve known since we were young. I go to his families house for holidays, events, just weekends. Just had a bbq with them. That in no way means we are dating, if anything we’re siblings because I call his mom ‘mom’ too. We are just friends, if it was a girl it wouldn’t be any different. I feel like your issue is you don’t really think different genders can be friends without more being involved, which isn’t healthy. Your gf is with you, she comes back to you. So why is her having friends and doing things with them such an issue. Do you not go out to eat with your friends or know their families?