Hi all. I am 20M and an Indian. Living in Melbourne. Wanted to begin dating since I want to get a life partner on my own without my parents making an arranged marriage for me. My question is what does a girl look for in a guy? Attractiveness? Money? Job? Status? And how do I go about approaching and impressing a girl. Does the fact I am Indian hinder my chances to get a girlfriend? I am asking this as I have seen from other posts that Indian guys have tough luck with dating. Please correct me if I am wrong.
Note: I am open to all races.
17 comments
You will need to focus on your strength. Your strength will be Indian girls. Other races I think you will find it difficult to find somebody.
Just be yourself. Be open minded. Kind. Money shouldn’t matter. Attractiveness is plus but not needed. All you really need is a great personality.
Being open to all races is great and it can help to state that if you’re doing online dating. There is some reputation, in the US at least, but I’d guess Australia as well, that Indian guys are happy to date other races but intend to marry an Indian girl when they’re ready to get serious. Or that their families will never accept a non-Indian girl. A LOT of women will be hesitant to get involved if they think there’s that kind of ceiling on the relationship. If that’s not the case with you, you might have to a little work to dispell that concern. That may not be fair, and it’s not always the case, but something to keep in mind.
Your culture has a garbage reputation in its treatment of women. Not commenting on the validity of that reputation, just telling you what western women think. You will likely have a difficult time finding a white woman to date or marry.
Look I’m gonna be honest unless you are a 9 / 10 as an Indian you’re screwed dating wise in AU ethnicity wise you’re fucked.. You will probably either A) date someone way below your look level B)travel abroad C) get extremely lucky
Try to make a schoolmate/classmate your gf if you’re still a student – that’s your best bet. Tbh your parents making an arranged marriage for you would be good because it’s a guaranteed way to have a spouse
Hey so don’t listen to anyone about race. It’s all up to personal tastes, I know white girls that exclusively date Indian boys (one actually loves in Melbourne but she’s taken). Best advice I can give is integrating yourself into local culture and social circles, make friends with Australians and figure out the nuances of our humour and culture, women mostly care about how they connect with you when they look for relationships.
Hallo there, I am 21F and black.
Attraction is based. To ask this question is under the implication that every woman thinks the same. But that’s fine, for your question, let’s pretend they do.
Women like men who care about their looks. For ex: showers, picks up after themselves, somewhat cares about their clothing, goes to the gym, keeps under their fingernails clean, deodorant, laundry, etc. Not every woman is looking for a dude w a Chris Hemsworth body…but it’s not the worst thing in the world if a guy cares about their body…the only one they have. It says a lot about a man.
Women like men who are employed. Not every woman wants richy rich or six figures, especially considering that you’re 20 and probably just entering the work world. No one really expects you to have a big status or reputation yet…that’s something you build overtime, that’s what grows with you rather than something that’s there all along.
Women like men who aren’t constantly self deprecating. If you have dark or dry humor, fine. But if you’re constantly verbally abusing yourself it makes you a bad hire in the relationship department.
I do agree with some comments that Indian men get a bad rep. For one, I’ve had an Indian guy tell me once he doesn’t like women with nappy hair, typically a trait of black women. Keep in mind I said ‘an.’ It was a singular experience that I in no way use to generalize all Indian men. But it goes into my point that Indian men are stereotyped to date other races and/or cultures to experience life or in a casual sense. But when it comes time to settle down they gravitate towards Indian women. Understandable and fair for an Indian man to stick to what they know but if you ever intend on getting serious with a woman outside your race, reassurance is key.
Indian men also are stereotyped to be Mamma’s Boys. Allowing their mothers to dictate their decisions, even if it means breaking up with a girl based on mom’s disapproval. That can easily be cured by establishing independence and a respectable detachment between your identity and your relationship w mom. Preferably before you start dating.
Be kind. Be you. Be amazing. If you want to approach someone, start small. Maybe you spark up a convo with someone in your class and then suggest hanging out later and maybe it sparks into something more. I’ve personally never dated before but I’ve seen my friends experience love, casual dating and more. They have a lot of success by making friends who know people who know MORE people. Going out. Being open minded. And never allowing peer pressure to change you.
Hope this helps 🙂
“Why am I getting downvoted is it because I’m Indian? Never thought users on Reddit are racists!”
This. This is probably the reason you’re still single and will struggle. This absolute reach, lie and awful accusation that you’ve added to your post. Calling people racist because something you said doesn’t sit right with them is absolutely pathetic.
Basic white girl here, 24 years old
You guys are absolutely disgusting. You are literally ripping this young man’s confidence apart just because he’s Indian. You should really be ashamed of yourself. Is there a chance that he has a lower success rate? Probably but some people here literally think that just because you’re Indian you are absolutely screwed which is just not true. Especially not if you look at how diverse Melbourne is
If you want a prayer of a chance, be hella respectful of a woman’s boundaries, even the little ones, because a lot of Indian men on the dating scene in the Western world straight-up aren’t, and a lot of them chalk the boundary-smashing up to being a cultural misunderstanding. Not every woman will have had this same experience, but a lot of them will, at least once. You may have automatically as a mark against you all the bad dates with men who look like you and claim it’s because of their (and thus YOUR) culture.
Money, looks, humor, none of that will take you as far as actually listening when a woman says no.
As to how to approach – just ask. Notice something about them, ask for something specific, have a date idea in mind to suggest.
“Hey, I noticed you liked THING and I saw an exhibit at PLACE about it. Would you like to go with me?” “Your bio says you’re in to food, let’s go to six bbq places and order their ribs for take-out, and then go to PARK and test them out to pick the best.”
Everyone is different, but if you want to marry a girl be yourself just maybe let her see your more sensitive side once you trust her but be real because you can’t pretend for forever
You really have to be sure you’re going to fight for your romantic relationship with your parents and not abandon a girl or hide her.
“Note: I am open to all races”…cute…but are your parents??? Being concerned about an arranged marriage at the ripe old age of 20, i seriously doubt the answer to that question is, yes. Have a chat with your parents. Take it from someone who has gone through the drama…you’ve got to have that convo..or heartbreak city is a sure pit stop on your highway to the promised land…good luck amigo
Turn it around and ask “what do men” want? Answer: everyone wants something else.
But to be VERY general: looks attract but personality/common grounds make people stick.
And GENERALLY people look for:
– fun time and stability in the long run: money makes that possible, so being financially stable attracts people.
– fysical attraction and confidence: if you look and feel good, that confidence/happiness shows and people are generally more attracted to positivity then negativity (eg insecurity).
– having selfknowledge, communicationskills and selfesteem also helps you figuring out what kind of people you want to attract/keep around to make a longterm relationship work.
EDIT because I forgot the most important advise:
Figure what you are looking for in a lifelong partner BEFORE getting married to minimize the risk of “growing apart” and thus divorce/unhappy marriage. Only marry if are YOU and YOUR partner are willing to make sacrifice and compromise (finding common grounds) so BOTH of you are happy in the general sense. Marriage doesn’t magically fix problems nor makes it make you suddenly love someone.
Also learn to say “NO” to your parents and accept that they initially might not be okay with all your choices. Having a shiny spine and boundaries is to-ta-ly okay. If your parents see that you are truly happy, they will accept your choices in the long run (assuming they can put their egos aside). Eventhough they might strongly object to it first (out of ignorance/ego) and guilt trip you the way only Desi/Asian parents can 😉
I married to someone with different ethnicity and boy o boy my parents/brothers were pissed off at first. Then they got to knew my husband, saw his lovely personality and why he made me happy. Fast forward: my brothers have now another brother with whome they share their stupid inside jokes with and my parents got another son. Heck, when my mom was alive, the would first ask me how Husband was doing before asking me how I was doing 🤣🤣
Dude, I’m sorry to say this but Indian men have a terrible reputation among women. They are known to be momma’s boys who fetishize western (white) women and would only marry an Indian woman who his mother would approve of. They’re also notorious for hiding relationships from their families and abandoning women at the slightest disapproval from their folks. This, in addition to the reputation of India as a rape capital and having to deal with creepy pervs asking for “bobs” and “vegana” online simply ruins it for Indian men.
As an Indian girl, there are things that Indian guys have that works for them in case they end in a place where they are compared with men from other races and need to know their strengths.
1. Hair: Indian usually have a higher hair density and hair quality that’s the best in the world. As a fact all hair wigs used in the west get hair from India because it’s the best hair. So grow your hair an inch longer than the normal guy, take care of it and get a cool haircut. I’m assuming you are young so not balding.
2. Skin & hair color: brown color can appear very masculine if presented right. If you are skinny fat like a lot of Indians you wouldn’t look masculine at all of course but if you hit the gym and get in shape, you can look more masculine than other races. Same with dark hair color.
3. High contrast: if you take care of your skin, indian features can appear high contrast as compared to hair and eyebrows which makes them pop out in the absence of make up. This is something I noticed in terms of women but it works for men too.
4. Career: Most Indian kids are pressurised by parents to have a good career from the start and are less likely to be a slaker and waste. That is very desirable in men over all.
Hope this boosts your confidence and gives you a direction!