I’ve known this person for 7 years but have been very very close friends for 4 years. Those 4 years have been very rocky. The first 2 years was very stable. We were basically inseparable. We did everything together. The next year, I moved away. We didn’t get to hang out as much but we texted each other daily. We knew everything about each other. Then, we fell out. We stopped texting. We texted maybe once every 2 months. It was still very natural and the convo never started with an awkward hey.
Recently we started hanging out and texting way more. I do enjoy it but I feel like we aren’t as close as we used to be. I see other peoples relationships and get so jealous. I wish we could talk on the phone. They don’t like talking on the phone. I wish we could give each other gifts. They find it cringe and awkward. I wish we could tell each other absolutely everything like we used to. I’m not sure they do. I wish we could hang out at each other’s houses. They don’t like that.
I feel like I see us as best friends while they just see me as a friend. It’s so dumb to just ask “hey are we best friends” or “hey how close do you think we are” I just feel like I need just one person. Maybe this is me being clingy. Maybe this is me having a fear of people leaving me.
1 comment
The truth is a best friend is a rare thing in life. Here’s why. A best friend is a friend who not only knows the person for a long time but also is in proximity to the person and outstandingly provides for multiple needs for the person and is irreplaceable in doing so. This is hard if not impossible in adulthood. For starters, the two of you are apart right now. Your lives are separate, not codependent. This friend has their own life and a friendship with you, while existent, is not at the top of their mind right now. This is very common. In adulthood, people have other priorities in life such as family, jobs, etc. and the connections you make with them go through moments of closeness and distance. The hallmark of good friendships is being able to give space and getting back in touch upon mutual convenience.
Focus on being a good friend, not a best friend, to this person. You know how to do that it seems based on your post. Continue the things you mentioned doing like hanging out occasionally. But now is the time to learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with other people on the side. You will build much needed self esteem and self confidence. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them and worrying about them all the time. So find something you enjoy doing and keep doing it overtime. Chase excellence, not people.