I have noticed that whenever i start talking to a new girl, I will meet her a few times, take us on a few dates and usually end up sleeping together at some point during this process. 95% of the time i never have any real intention of publicly making this girl my girlfriend right from the first interaction. What I mean by this is I will never let them meet my friends or family or even tell my friends and family they exist, but i will lie and tell them my mum knows about her etc.
Furthermore, have noticed I always push for exclusivity and pretend that my plan is to become partners with this person in the future but having no genuine intentions of this. Meanwhile, I am doing this to multiple women at once while telling different stories and lies to each one of them about where I live, my background, what i do in my spare time etc.
I believe the reason i do this is to tailor each separate relationship to make us seem more compatible or i do it to see what works and what doesn’t work with women ?
I have no idea why i do this. It is also ends up ruining all of these relationships and leaves me feelings of regret, and i end up missing this person despite never intending for things to go anywhere, like things could obviously never work after all the lies i have told.
I thought the reason i do this is because i don’t take any of these women i talk to seriously, as in i don’t see them as my future wife so what’s the point in telling the truth i may as well just lie to make us more compatible.
I know it’s a strange post and the majority will say go see a therapist/i’m deluded etc, but i wanted to know what people thought the reasoning behind this is? How do i change or should i even change this mindset? Thanks.
I’m 22 btw.
3 comments
I think you’re pretty spot on with the fact that you’re not taking the girls seriously. But, this seems like some sort of imposter syndrome. Ask yourself, why lie about yourself? You can take someone not seriously, but still be yourself. I also think it’s extremely unfair to push for exclusivity even though you’re not being loyal. Don’t you feel bad?
None of us are qualified to help you with this in a meaningful way. It could be an avoidant attachment style, or maybe you get your jollies off of manipulating these women. Who knows? You are aware of your behavior though and that’s a good first step in changing it. Second step is exactly what you know we are going to tell you…work this through with a therapist. They are qualified and have proper training to guide you through everything.
Best wishes to you!
You sound like a psychopath that only cares about ur own feelings. Please be aware how much hurt you could bring to the world by doing this. I hope you would want better for yourself and others. Please seek therapy because this is pretty deep and none of us can fix you.