how do you deal with the loss of children to a toxic woman during divorce?

39 comments

  2. I drank and lifted heavily and slept with about a dozen women.

    Wasnt a good time.

  4. Don’t marry the toxic woman to begin with. Yes, all the signs were there. You’re just thinking with the wrong head

  6. Listen my friend. The truth about life, is that you spend all of it getting shit on. We dont tell this to kids & idk why, best to educate them young.

    Anyways, maybe you think you got shit on more than most, and maybe you did. So what? Deal with it. Make the best of a bad situation, which is what all of human history is

  8. Be a better person. Remember how much you hated the way she treated you and do better than that to other people. You’ll soon forget about her and your kids will see who you really are.

  10. Do everything you can or legally can do to be involved in your childrens lives. Whether that be going to their games if they play sports, or whatever else their hobby may be. Remember birthdays and graduations. If your ex wife is truly that toxic, she will pound into their heads that you’re the bad guy, but always remember that they are kids, and never harbor resentment towards them. They will eventually see the truth for what it is, but it may (probably will) take years. It’s not their fault. Always keep trying to be there for them in whatever limited capacity that may be. Somewhere down the line, you will have your vindication

  11. A storm has come into your life. And its destroying your home.

    You may ask why this is happening. But a storm has no why. It simply is a storm.

    You may wonder if you could have prevented it, but how does one prevent what they didn’t know was coming.

    These questions have no answers and leave us feeling powerless and full of despair.

    But if we look to what we can control. There lies strength and purpose.

    We dont get to decide when we have hard times. But we do get to decide what we do with the time we have.

  12. You lost complete custody / parenting time with your kids? It usually takes a pretty good reason for that to happen OP. Whats the full story

  13. 12 years after my toxic. A rebound marriage and waking up to find that I was just being used to pay the bills. Took a chance and found the right one. Is everything perfect now, no. Still a strained relationship with daughter. Relationship with son is good but both know her as their mom. I’m the guy that left. I left because of her second affair. I left after I was made to. The “system “ wouldn’t give me the children because I worked too much. All I could do is pay and drift from them. Not from a lack of trying and still are trying. It is and will always be difficult. All I can do is move forward.

  14. There are 2 sides to every story and hopefully your kids will realize that if she tries to manipulate them against you.

  15. It depends on how things are going to pan out. mature adults will prioritise the well being of their children. But I suppose bitterness and resentment are a more human response.

    I’ve seen a lot of ugly divorces, and a few times it seemed like it was better to mourn the kids and move on.

  16. It depends on how things are going to pan out. mature adults will prioritise the well being of their children. But I suppose bitterness and resentment are a more human response.

    I’ve seen a lot of ugly divorces, and a few times it seemed like it was better to mourn the kids and move on.

  17. Try to be in their lives however you can. If she truly is toxic, they’ll figure it out. Childhood is just a small portion of their lives in the grand scheme of things, so if you’ve been making an effort, they’ll probably come to you once they have more freedom.

  18. Show up to court, fight fight fight.

    Don’t stop, log everything, insist that the court appoint a communication app for you two to exclusively communicate through. “Emails and text messages can be manipulated” is what I was told after filing hundreds of pages of text messages to the court.

  20. you already know as men its stacked against us in this situation. not alot we can do. just keep on attempting (legally) to make contact concerning the kids. its a fucked up thing but all you can do is wait n dont do anything to get arrested that she can use against you to keep them further away.

    i wasnt on my daughters birth certificate and my daughters mom ended all contact completely. i drank alot drugged alot all the worst shit you can do to try and make yourself feel better. i felt i lost my heart n didnt know what to do or how to get her back in mty life. I eventually decided to file a child support case on myself concerning my daughter. i wasnt on her birth cetrtifcate and i knew she was on county aid. that was my grand idea but it worked. the social worker lady said she had never in her years of work had a man file child support on himself. but shit it worked. my daughters mom was served papers and that ultimatly ended up with her making contact and slowly but eventually my daughter and me where united.

    ​

    best advice just keep trying. and dont get arrested or go viral for some dumb shit. toxic woman is praying for it.

  21. Not my experience but my best friend’s. First and foremost, and a given, be a good father. Second, make sure you don’t say anything negative about their mother regardless of how toxic she is. Kids won’t understand now, but when they grow up they’ll realize that the good parent was the one who spent more energy loving them than talking bad about their mom/dad. Third, have a good lawyer especially if you’re still going through all the legal stuff and if you see yourself going through legal stuff for the foreseeable future. Fourth, document everything and I mean everything. Document when you take the kids for extra days, when she’s late picking them up, if she’s ever uncooperative when it’s your turn to have the kids, when she’s late dropping off the kids, when you need to step in because of an emergency, if you’ve ever needed to pay for stuff your kids should already have (assuming you’re paying child support where BM should have enough money from CS to pay for those things), EVERYTHING.

    My best friend did this and was able to get split custody when at first the court awarded the mother 80% custody. What it boils down to is really focusing on loving the kids. If the ex is as toxic as you say she is, she’ll be spending all her energy to spite and despise you rather than be a good parent. And with all the documentation, the courts will see that.

  23. My step kid’s mum is a poor excuse for a human. Didn’t teach them basic hygiene and because they only come to us every other weekend so anything we taught them would be undone after a few days back with their mum.
    My partner would die for his kids, they are his world (as they should be). She would say sly stuff to them about him, lie to them about him. But it never stopped him from proving her wrong.
    Whenever they are here we do activities with them that they don’t normally do because they’re looking after their younger siblings because mum can’t be arsed. Even simple stuff like going for walks and playing board games.
    They’re almost teenagers now and they have already figured out that mum is a piece of shit. When they interact with her, you can tell that their mum gets their back up and they will talk back to her, be sassy, get angry with her. But for us they are absolutely perfect and we never have any attitude issues.
    They know that dad and step mum are not the bad guys.
    Stay strong and don’t give up, these things are sent to test us and when your kids are older they will appreciate you so much

  24. My only advice would be be the bigger and more mature person, and no matter what be there for your children.

    Don’t do none of that arguing, cussing her out, just try to kind of deflect everything and be the better person. If your doing crazy stuff your kids will only see/hear one side of it, if you don’t do anything crazy it’ll be harder for her to paint you a bad person.

    Just fight for your rights and do whatever you can (legally) to be there for your kids and be a father figure from a distance.

    Don’t forget birthdays, holidays, and show up to whatever events they have.

  26. The advice given to me was “play the long term game.” It was the right advice.

  27. You have to get over it during the process, chances are you will never have a relationship with the children and it’s Most likely you will never want a relationship. But I am sure in some other subs they will say dead beat fathers.

  28. I remember when my mother had my grandfather drive halfway across the country in the early hours before school when I was little and taking me and my siblings to live with our grandparents. We didn’t see our father for many years. The truth has been warped significantly and I both resent and don’t resent both parents. But my father, whether he was bad or not is a good man now. He works hard and does everything he can to make sure me and my siblings are having and will continue to have a good life. I had been lectured for hours on end on a near daily basis by my mother about how he was the evil scum sucking spawn of satan for nearly six years before he flew over to visit me after conspiring with my cousin to bring me to him for a surprise secret meeting. I was shocked, I almost didn’t recognise him and I was very confused. I thought I would be angry or hateful but after taking some time to properly get to know my father again, especially considering I wasn’t a little kid anymore and was capable of critical thinking I realised he’s actually a really cool guy. I miss my dad now. I do see him just not very often. The point of this whole rant is I have the perspective of the kid and I’m telling you, if you love your kids and care about how they’ll see you a decade later, put everything you have into building/helping them build a future and have a good standard of living. Make sure that they remember and that they know their father was not any of the horrible things your ex will tell them and that you were there; and always will be there for them. Good luck to you man.

  29. Get access and joint guardianship in court they’re your Children as well and you have every right to see them and stay with you sometimes

  31. I had an uncle that went through a divorce rape like this. She cheated on him with his boss, kicked him out of the house and divorced him. She won full custody of the kids after she claimed he abused her (this of course only coming out when he refused to give up parental rights), and that **her** house was a better living space for ~~their~~ **her** kids.

    He had to move into a small apartment on the side of someones house outside of town, because that was the cheapest option. After 8 months of court battles and lawyer fees, and every single woman in our family siding with his ex-wife and refusing to allow any of the men to reach out and help him, he wrote a goodbye letter to his kids and took his life.

  32. Just don’t do what mine did, which is just walk away and then blame your lack of relationship with your kids on your kids.

  33. I’ve been here. Truth is always revealed. I had three girls. They all come around, but limit their time with their mom. Yet, I still instill in them to respect her. She is their mom, toxic or not….

  36. Honestly, in retrospect, it was fairly simple for me. I gave her the house, two cars and our jet-skis and I got my daughter. The entire history of the NYSE and the NASDAQ haven’t seen a greater trade.
    Sorry that you’re dealing with this though. It’s definitely not fun.

  39. The kids will know. They’ll know who the toxic parent is. Take them out once the kids are adults and let em know it’s not your fault their mother is the worst. Lady’s taking their childhood from you, fuck her. Hang in there man, beware the wrath of wicked women.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like