This happened today.
My girlfriend (19F) texted me that she was nearby and i was prepared to greet her and walk along since she was going the same way knowing it would be a bit awkward with my mom (conversation wise you know how it is).
My mom however told me to go ahead and greet her and that she would be waiting at the end of the street. It turns out she was going near the shop we were going so i told her we would catch up with my mom and walk together.
We met our mutual friend (19M) along the way and were just walking.
We met my mother at an intersection and my girlfriend was walking up while smiling at her.
We stood next to eachother for a minute then my friend shook my moms hand and my gf proceeded to do the same with another smile.
I thought nothing of it but my mom just suddenly said that shed be going home instead.
I insisted on her staying since my gf would be going to her own plans in like 5 minutes of walking.
She just said it again and went home and i just thought she didnt want to make anything awkward and told me to check the shoes and call her about it.
After like 20 minutes i finished everything and went home only for her to rage out.
She said nothing was my fault but she feels highly disrespected by my girlfriend because she didnt say “Good day” she just shook her hand (note: in my country and in our language it is concidered a polite way of greeting someones parent or someone in general).
She also says that she only did it when my friend did it first. (Which she did but she greeted her normally and all i think she would have done it anyways)
She said that my gf was looking at her “from above” as in that she thinks shes below her and that i shouldnt mention her to her again and that she felt extremely disrespected.
My girlfriend isnt like that and i know she doesnt look at anyone in any way but she wont listen to me.
From my pov it just looked like a normal smiling handshake they both looked normal and all. I didnt expect it to escalate to something like this.
What should i do? Is this considered my girlfriend being rude?
27 comments
Shaking hands is plenty polite enough.
Your mom is being ridiculous.
Edit; I don’t know why I’m still thinking about this, but it actually infuriates me. My partner has some social anxiety and if my mother treated her like this after only meeting her a couple times, I would be livid.
Expecting prim and proper is fine, but judging the poor girl because she didn’t use over the top courtesy is wild.
It’s always awkward running into a partners parent. My guess is the long approach made your girlfriend feel as though the formal greeting was unnecessary by the time she got there since she had waved. Your mother needs to remember that she is more than twice your girlfriends age and has had time to learn to give some grace to young people who feel a little wrong footed sometimes.
My guess is that your mother is concerned that you are growing away from her and worries that she’s irrelevant. She’s looking for clues to confirm her fears. After the dust settles talk to her again and assure her that she’s still important and the only thing that will cause a rift between the two of you is if she’s overly judgmental of your new relationships.
Is this your first girlfriend? Has she treated past girlfriends this way?
You might have one of those moms that will create issues with any girl you’re with because she doesn’t want you away from her.
>Is this considered my girlfriend being rude?
It is clearly seen that way by your mother (which seems bizarre to me). I’m suspecting your mother was ‘looking for fault’ and was predisposed to find fault (perhaps where there was none).
-was this their first meeting?
-which country?
Your mum is just being a pos, I doubt your gf could do anything to make her happy, so my advice is to ignore what she has to say about your relationships as much as you can
To be blunt your mother’s reaction is bizarre , inappropriate and over the top. I’d be taking a time out from my relationship with my mother if she acted like that.
Your mom needs to get over herself
Sounds like mom doesn’t want you to have a GF!!
Some moms have a hard time when their sons start dating.
Something is off with your mother. She’s making a whole lot out of nothing. I don’t even know where she drew her conclusions from.
If you’ve been dating for 3 years, has anything like this come up before, ever? This seems way too weird to be an isolated incident.
Your mother is just angry that she didn’t throw herself on the ground claiming she wasn’t worthy of being around such greatness. Tell your mother to get over herself.
Sounds like your mom is jealous that she’s not the main woman in your life. I recommend you google ‘emotional incest’ and see if any of that resonates with you and your mothers relationship.
Your mother is in love with you. She’s jealous and possessive and treating you like a husband who is flirting with other women. Your mum is gross.
I think you should remind your mother that you are not her husband and to stop being so jealous.
Your moms ridiculous. I cut my parents out of my life for this type of behavior… it kept building up to more and more issues all because they never were happy for me and my partner. I ended up getting married without telling them. Protect your relationships from her, she may try to ruin them in the future
Based off your comments as well as the post it seems like your mom is being unreasonable. Is your dad around? That may sound intrusive but there are plenty of cases of single mothers having inappropriate relationships with their sons. These mothers typically view their son as a husband and her feelings towards your girlfriend could stem from jealously. Are you an only child? It also could be because she feels that your girlfriend is taking you away from her. These are all circumstantial reasonings for her behavior but it happens way often then most would expect.
If none of the above applies to you then maybe she’s just sad to see her son have his first girlfriend. She’s still in the wrong but it’s fixable. Either way, you need to have a serious discussion with her. If her behavior continues she will make your future relationships a living hell. Either you’ll have to cut her off or make your future partner(s) a second priority to your mother and that may be fine in the beginning but nobody wants to marry and have kids with a man who’s being heavily controlled and influenced by their mother:
Honestly.. we’re still in a pandemic. I would not have shaken anyone’s hand. 🤷🏻♀️ your mom is just looking for problems.
Sounds like typical narcissist mother behavior. Instead of being excited to meet her child’s partner, she makes a brief interaction all about herself. You mention in the comments that your mother is emotionally abusive. Since youre an adult now, its time to start thinking about putting distance between yourself and your mother.
This is the kind of thing where you need to mention what country you are in. People from other countries can’t tell you what is and isn’t rude where you live, and by default, you are going to get mostly Americans responding.
So not saying ‘Good Day’ is disrespectful but abandoning her child and their plans to go shopping isn’t?
OP unfortunately you won’t really get good advice here, because people that act like your mother also don’t respond well to reason or really anything that isn’t 100% their way
This is your mom having an ego fit and making up a story in her mind.
Just for what it is worth OP, many of us in this forum come from different cultural backgrounds. We are not equipped to talk to the cultural norms in your country (particularly if you do not include where you are).
From what you described I do not see anything rude from your girlfriend, but I can only review what you have shared and through my own cultural background.
Within my context, your mom seems to be behaving in an immature and insecure way. If that is true, that is her problem and something you may find difficult to fix (as we can only control our own conduct). But the way I would think to address it is head on: by standing up for your girlfriend and saying you did not see any disrespect, and to question your mother if that is really the only reason she is upset.
Alternatively (I am not sure if this is good advice, but it is advice…), you could tell your mother she is behaving immaturely. That as the adult, she should lead by example, and that she is failing in that duty and behaving immaturely.
No- sounds like your mother is a demanding person who is trying to put a wedge between you and your girlfriend. Given it sounds like they don’t know each other well, sounds like your mom thrives on drama and being in control. The answer is- don’t listen to your mother- she isn’t well in the head if this offended her this much. Don’t listen to her in general or you will end up single waiting for her to decide who is the perfect partner for you.
Your mom was looking for something to criticize.
A lot of mothers seem to do that as a way of trying to control the interaction. She will probably do this with anyone you date.
Your girlfriend sounds quite lovely. Keep an eye out for your mom trying to put a wedge between the two of you.
Your mum is being a hater, my kids 19 and i know your mum is creating a problem with her from the get go as a power trip to put a distance in your relationship, because it’s terrifying your mum you have “another woman” in your life and she wants you to put her first over your girlfriend, lay the law now with her and explain if you dont get along them you will just have to go elsewhere with your girlfriend and she wont really see you, otherwise she will continue this shit.
Surprise twist: your mom is the one who looks at everyone from above and you are just now realizing it as she whines that your girlfriend didn’t grovel properly.
Don’t let your mom’s problem become your problem. If she decides to be unhappy, that’s on her. You can waste your whole life trying to help people who are determined to be unhappy whenever they don’t get their way and all you get for it is wasted time.
Your mother sounds like a fucking nightmare. Stick up for your girlfriend
I think your mom based on your comments is one of those emotional incest moms who thinks you’re hers forever and never wants you to get a partner unless it’s someone you put her above and who she can walk all over. She needs to accept you are an adult and can date whoever you please to. Setting boundaries starting now will hopefully make this easier for your relationship and if it doesn’t work out any future ones
Does your girlfriend know the custom of your country? Meaning is she a native born or foreigner? If she’s a foreigner, you can’t hold it against her. When I visited other countries, I did my best to learn some basic customs but then again its not what I grew up with so have to give some flexibility and really tell your mom to calm down.
Now, if your gf is native born, and she’s aware of the custom for courtesy and respect, then yeah she messed up but I wouldn’t say it warrants a fit that your mom is throwing.
Ultimately, your mom is making it a bigger deal than necessary. If she isn’t getting mad at your friend but at your gf then I’m going to take it a step further and say she has issues with you having a gf