Did it backfire?

28 comments

  2. I could not fix her. Nor did I want to in the end. Wasn’t anywhere near qualified for the job

  4. I didn’t get into it with the intention on becoming a helper/fixer, she was good at not being overwhelming at the beginning. (No accountability / child-like ‘I can’t do basic adult stuff myself’ type stuff).
    Eventually it would come out slowly. I’d help because that’s what you do in a relationship. But once I noticed it wasn’t getting better, and I was helping way more than normal, I left. Years later she’s in the same position, maybe even worse.

  5. Don’t, just don’t. It will backfire and you’ll feel like shit the whole time.

  6. Wasn’t in relationship, but she had all these emotional problems that she would reach out to me about. We had two actual dates*, but communicated for more than a year. Turns out she was in a relationship, but never told me and just consider us friends. We matched on Tinder, go figure.

  8. If you’re entering a relationship trying to “fix” someone, you need to fix yourself.

  9. It did not start out with me trying to help her. After it became apparent she has a drinking problem I found out you can not fix someone. You can try to help them, but if they do not want help there is nothing you can do. Some of the worst years of my life.

  10. Thankful I knew when it was a lost cause and walked away from the situation.

  11. I wasn’t really conscious of that aspect. Or maybe it grew as she spiraled down. But I became conscious of it and we were off and on over 7 years, so somewhere in the middle I was definitely aware. It was bad. Became a wholly one sided relationship emotionally. I was all emotional support all the time. She wouldn’t ever check on how I was doing and it got even comical, like I had a new job and she didn’t know (and we loved together). After repeated suicide attempts, I just couldn’t be a live in therapist anymore.

  12. You can’t and shouldn’t fix a broken adult. They’ll pull you down too if you let them close enough

  13. It wasn’t until about a month into the relationship that I realized she had borderline personality disorder, lots of childhood trauma, depression, anxiety, issues with self harm, etc. But I stuck with her for a few months and did my best to help. It was just too much on my own mental health and I had to end things. She contacted me years later though and said that was the worst period of her life and now she’s doing great and she had me to thank for that. So at least it was a good ending sort of!

  16. Holy shit, don’t do it. Sacrificed 10 years of my life (most of my 20s) thinking that I was doing the right thing. It wasn’t. It became a job, a mental burden, and negatively impacted my own life more and more over time. And, in the end, it just ended up giving her a whole new set of problems and also gave me some of my own.

  19. As typical as the story always goes, nobody can fix them except themselves.

  20. I was used and blindsided. 3/10 experience, would not repeat. Important lesson acquired though – NEVER try to save a woman.

  22. Like a trainwreck of epic proportions. I guess I was lucky that I learned my lesson when I was young, and told myself never again. I wasn’t ready for that then, and don’t think I ever will be.

  23. You only fix people if they want the help, are open to the help, are asking for help, can use the assistance with some level of competency *and* you have your life put together fairly well enough to be soliciting advice and wisdoms.

    Outside of that, it’s literally the blind leading the blind

  27. Never went into one trying to “fix” someone but I did have a bad habit of dating women who were “helpless” so I felt like I was needed for a while…that always ended poorly when I realized I had enabled bad or lazy behavior and got tired of being the only functioning adult.

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