Next year, my boyfriend and I are set to move to Australia from Canada. He has moved around his whole life and is not extremely close with his family, and is overall not too sentimental. Me, on the other hand have lived in the same home my whole life and can definitively say My mom is my best friend and I’m probably too attached to my family for my own well being.
I hate where I live in Canada and my dream is to live abroad. He has a job lined up that will allow me to obtain my masters degree and support us both and we are in a healthy, committed relationship with shared dreams.
I guess I’m just so afraid to leave my parents as they age (in their mid 60s), and I feel bad leaving them behind, and I don’t want to hurt them.
Any words to help me move past these feelings, which I realize aren’t normal would be so, SO appreciated.
TL;DR: I am a massive homebody who is too attached to their parents at the ripe age of 25. I have the chance of a lifetime to live somewhere amazing but I am scared to leave my parents as they grow old because I clearly have attachment issues
9 comments
First of all, these are completely reasonable things to feel anxious about. However, as long as you feel your anxieties are just nerves and not red flags, I would go for it and have these adventures now while you’re young and healthy.
I will say, though, that you should prioritize always having enough savings in your own name (and your own name only) to buy a last-minute ticket home, just in case there is an emergency with you or your family. Also, I would sit down and discuss with your partner your concerns about being away from your parents as they grow older and plan a budget and schedule for visits home, discuss what the plan would be in event of a health crisis for them, and so on. Mid 60s isn’t old-old yet, they’re still probably a good 10 years away from the sort of thing you’re worried about.
Go out and life your life now, don’t be afraid to go explore these amazing opportunities!
I think you already know what to do. You will be disappointed with yourself if you decide to stay in Canada out of fear of the unknown. That kind of thinking can lose you a lot of opportunities.
I wouldn’t feel bad leaving them behind, people have children so they can watch them grow up and fly the coop. If your mother has your best interests at heart then she would not want to be in the way of you growing up and gaining a bit more independence.
Btw mid-60s is not terribly old, 65 year olds are still very capable and can run marathons. My dad renovated our family home recently and he’s nearly 70. Try not to stress too much. You will have a great time in Australia.
Sounds like a great opportunity, I’m sure your parents are pleased for you even if they’ll miss you! Whereabouts in Australia will you be moving to?
Self-talk is going to be your friend here. You don’t have to worry about finances or learning a new language, so it’s mostly your mindset you have to deal with.
Try to reframe it in your mind as excited instead of scared- whenever you feel nerves coming on, think about everything you’re looking forward to and say “I’m excited to ___ (get away from these winters, whatever).
Also, remind yourself that humans can adapt. You can adapt to living in a new place and your parents can adapt to living in a different place than you. They’ve been independent adults for decades and now they’ve raised another independent adult – no one needs to get hurt over it. It’s just life.
Also also, think of all the technology we have now! You can video chat, email, have phone calls, and hop on a plane to visit back home. You’ll be able to keep in touch with people just fine.
You’ll be o.k O.P. Vent with your boyfriend when you need to.
I would be pretty anxious too if my plan was to be financially dependent on someone I wasn’t even engaged to, in foreign countries. Hope for the best but be prepared if this goes way, way south.
So apart from this potentially being different goals in life. if you are open to the adventure, wherever it may take you.. and you didn’t just become overnight couple go for it!
I’d move from Miami to Australia in a heartbeat! As long as I could continue working for the states! Melbourne and Sydney are gorgeous so go for it! Explore, live your life! And then become a homebody eventually.
My dream destinations (which are odd) are as follows:
1. Australia
2. Sweden
3. Italy
4. France
Do find a job there though if you can. So you can always be independent 🙂
Have a fund so you can bail if you need to.
39 years ago, an English friend of mine moved to Sydney with her Australian boyfriend. They eventually married and had a couple of kids and recently, a grandchild. She said that although she doesn’t regret it, it was difficult being so far away from everyone that she knew. But she doesn’t regret it.
>Any words to help me move past these feelings, which I realize aren’t normal would be so, SO appreciated.
Your feelings are perfectly normal and are actually probably the more commonly found approach. A lot of people don’t want to move to another part of the world and there’s nothing wrong with that.
You have to think what you really want and what you value more. That’s all it comes down to. Just because your partner wants to go to Australia doesn’t mean you have to do it too. Not everyone has to be a travelling afficionado who wants to restart their life thousands of kilometers away from their original hometown.
If my wife approached me tomorrow and said “let’s sell our flat and move to Brazil” I’d just reply “okay you can move but me and the kids are staying here, goodbye”.