I had bad parents. I feel like they didn’t prepare me for the real world and now I don’t know what to do.

Is there some book or something i can read so i can learn how to behave correctly?

25 comments

  3. Now is the time to learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with other people on the side. You will build much needed self esteem and self confidence. The easiesr way to get started is to find something you enjoy doing and keep doing it overtime. Chase excellence, not people.

  4. Is this more I don’t know what to do behaviourally? Or more so in how do you pay bills, get a mortgage, get a job” type of stuff?

    That’s a loaded question lol

  5. You realize that you’re responsible for you. Nobody else is. If something happens, you deal with it. If you say you’re going to do something, you do it.

    If you need to learn something, Google it and learn. You have unlimited potential to deal with what needs dealt with.

    I just read one of your comments. When you are broken, the responsible thing to do is fix yourself. Go to therapy. Work hard at what they tell you to do, including seeing a doctor for meds. That’s what adults do.

  6. Try boundaries by Townsend and cloud, try nonviolent communication, try to listen to some anna akana YouTube videos.

  7. There’s a YouTube channel called “Dad How Do I…” and he teaches alot of different life skills. You could watch some of his videos to learn different things.

    Also, I’m sure there’s some books on topics like how to build friendships/relationships or best practices in social situations if you check your local library. Or even just searching online, I’m sure there’s websites/articles on things like this.

    If you’re concerned about, say, personal health/hygiene, I’m sure there’s some checklists and articles online about what to do everyday to maintain good hygiene (brush your teeth, wash your face, etc). Always wear deodorant every day.

    I’d say search online and YouTube with search terms like “life skills” or specific topics you’re confused about, like personal finance/budgeting. You’re bound to find some useful info.

    If there’s any topics you want some of our personal tips on, you can ask us here in the comments.

  8. I see you talking in other comments about therapy. That is going to be very important for you to learn some important things your parents did not teach you. You are going to want to learn how to identify and take responsibility for meeting your emotional needs. And you want to learn how to have better interpersonal relationships. Therapy can absolutely help with that.

    I’m 52. My knees feel 52; between the ears, I feel like a stupid kid. Somewhere around age 30 I made peace with the idea that most of us are just making this life stuff up as we go along. I am still learning how to be more empathetic, to understand and relate to people better.

    If you want some tips about practical things like budgeting or taking care of your home, I could go into more depth. Let me know.

  9. I dont even know how to pay my taxes and i have about 6 work contracts that needed to be paid each time and i didn’t and still dont know how to do that and i live with my parents such “good human beings” pieces of shit all they told me is that when ill save money i have to pay around 15.000 euros as a fine 🙂 i feel you dude

  10. “Adult children of emotionally immature parents” is a great book. It’s likely you’re having / going to have some hard feelings about growing up in a not so great environment. It’s important for yourself and your future to take a look at this stuff. Journaling, therapy, meditation. Just generally doing nice things for yourself like taking a bath instead of a shower or scrambling eggs instead of a granola bar for breakfast. Show yourself as much love and care as you can now.

    Depending on your budget meal services like hello fresh can be a great way to get into cooking. It’s amazing how satisfied making nice meals can make you feel. Trader Joe’s is kind of a fun grovery store if there is one around you, they have lots of “full meals” that are easy to cook/ just pop it in the oven.

    Explore your hobbies and what brings you joy. Make bad art, play bad music, get out of breath excersising. Whatever you feel like you “should” be doing to make you happy, do it, even if you aren’t immediately good at it. Stick with it and it will bring you joy. It’s also likely you’ll find friends who are similar if you pursue your hobbies.

    Pets are a great way to form a connection with something. They’re non judgemental and truly just want to give and receive love. They can really teach you to open your heart and that can transfer to real people relationships.

    Excersise some type of way but make sure it makes you feel good. Dance to 1 song in the morning. Run for 2 minutes. Moving your body helps to connect to the present moment and can bring us into better alignment with ourselves.

    Watch lighthearted shows like bobs burgers, queer eye, British baking show. See how peoplw positively interact with eachother.

    And lastly, take it a day at a time and go easy on yourself. It’s been hard enough and now is your time and space to live the life you want. It’ll take time to build a routine and heal and create new memories but ultimately there is a long road ahead and you get to landscape it. Good luck OP much love

  11. I like the School of Life YouTube channel a lot. It might help with soft skills – how to be empathetic towards people sort of things. They also have some books that are basically what you are asking for. I have “What they forgot to teach you in school”

  12. First thing to do: stop blaming your parents. Unless they locked you in a closet your entire childhood – you were in society for at least 18 years. Look around you. Sit at a Starbucks. Two hours. You will see the entire spectrum- horribly rude people, shy, friendly, bottom end of the Bell Curve people, if you cannot tell which ones are acting acceptable and which persons aren’t, then go see a therapist.

  13. Cant respond to all of you but thank you so much for your advice and support! I only wish i found this community sooner.

  15. One day and one thing at a time.

    Ask questions and don’t pretend to know things when you don’t just so it’s fleshed out then and there.

    Admit when you don’t know the subject so you can learn about it further. “Hmm, yeah I’ve never heard of (insert topic); what interests you so much about it?”

    Watch (YouTube videos) and experiment with different hobbies like cooking, cars, anything really.

    Also, in this case age really can just be a number. I’ve seen plenty of people in their 40s and beyond act like children so tantrums/pouting when they don’t get their ways and behaviors you see in high school but played out in the office, haha.

    This is another thing to keep in mind about “adults”: we’re not all matured or wise or have everything down. This is a big mistake that young adults make when interacting with “adults” is that they think every action/decision made by them is wise and profound or some shit like that, it’s not, haha.

    Keep your eyes peeled and good luck, haha.

  16. Start by finding out who you are. You can start by eliminating who you are not. Find a job where the people challenge you to be a better person not with job or manager. These people will teach you skills on how to interact and develops humility within yourself. Keep your ego at home and never be afraid to admit you’re wrong or don’t know something. Chin up and chest out each day you leave the house. This one life you have is gunna be a wild ride!

  17. Jordan Peterson has a lot of good discussions on becoming an adult.

    But if you’re too lazy to click and listen, I will say anything that is getting in the way of you being your best self you should cut off.

    That’s pretty much adulting in a nutshell.

  20. If your a guy, go on YouTube and look up the channel, “dad how do I” . This guy didn’t have parents growing up and made a YouTube channel explaining how to do all the stuff he was never taught so no one has to go through that.

  21. 1. Pay bills on time
    2. Avoid debt in any form
    3. Be polite
    4. Take care of your health

    You will figure out the rest.

  22. Experience is the best teacher. Do what you like and along the way met some people. Life is enjoyed and learned in that way.

  24. I will only give my opinion, because there are so many variables…

    I felt I’d ‘finally’ become an adult when I learned to accept my responsibility in every situation (my part of it when shared experience) and ‘owned’ that responsibility enough to admit failures and faults and be responsible for the resolution of problems, and for the progression of ideas and plans.

    I found it liberating. I don’t need to worry about things I’m not in control of

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