Fellow men, have you ever had a crush on a close friend? If so, how did you learn to separate those feelings from true friendship?

13 comments

1. Those feelings are painful to deal with. I had feelings for my ex best friend (f). I was never able to keep my emotions away from her because how close we were (slept in the same bed when she couldn’t get home from work soon enough) it was very tough but setting up harsh limits are the only way to not get in the madness

2. Is it possible you are falling for her now because she’s focused her sights on someone else? And what makes you think she’s found someone better? Don’t put yourself down like that.

   Look, it’s very possible she’s moved on because you never reciprocated in the beginning. Now has she started dating officially? If not and you do want to date her, MAKE YOUR MOVE NOW. Until the door closes for good, make a move and ask her out.

   I’ll be the first to admit it’s very difficult to separate feelings and keep it as true friends. It’s just hard to when you like someone so much. The more you are around someone you like and she is unavailable, the more it hurts. In those moments, the best way to get over her would be to limit exposure but not sure if that’s possible when you still want her as a friend.

   So if hasn’t starting dating this dude, make your move now or you might regret it

3. My best friend. I quit talking to her. We don’t talk much. We live a different lifestyle she has a family now. Im single no kids I’m free to do what i want….. It helped me get over her.

4. Yes, once. I couldn’t separate those feelings, so I had to end our friendship. 11-year friendship down the drain. I was really happy with her in my life, but I was also miserable as fuck because I constantly craved more from her.

   In the end, it was the right move. I felt like shit for a few months, but soon after I met some great women including my current girlfriend who I’ve been with for a while now.

5. This was me 7 years ago its hard but time will definitely help with coping and moving on i still love the guy but as a friend and part of my past that made me who i am, he is now happily married maybe try and not think of the what ifs and focus more on what you currently have with her it will hurt but when you see your friend happy with the relationship she has it feels good knowing shes in good hands isn’t that what true love is who knows maybe someday you will find yours also

6. In my case, we both moved to different states for University, i went for about 12 months without seeing her and only spoke to her occasionally in that time. We aren’t exactly close anymore, living on opposite sides of the country will do that to a friendship, but i still count her as a friend. I wouldn’t date her any longer though, nor do i spend almost any time thinking about her. Still think she’s crazy good looking but that’s a comparative non issue.

7. Mines a bit different, since it’s after I dated them.

   I still love several of them and I’m still friends with them. The way I learned was because i love them, I want them to be happy, and if they’re happier with someone else, then why should I keep them from that. Now I try my best to help them with their relationships whenever I can and just do my best to support them.

   While they found someone I ended up finding someone too. I still hangout with them and I’m not afraid to tell them I still love them cause I do, but I know that we’re not meant to be and atleast for now, I think I found my connection.

8. So far there seem to be two main options that aren’t just wallowing in it. Either you shoot your shot anyway or you actively distance yourself from her, perhaps indefinitely, until you’re able to get over her and get onto someone else.

9. Yes. And pretty much ceased seeing her and the friendship ended.

   It’s simply too painful to be “just friends” with someone you have a crush on. It’s like starving, seeing your favourite dish, not being allowed to touch it and occasionally see someone else eat it.

   Fuck that noise. I bailed on that shit.

10. Jesus. I have never crushed on someone purely on looks or anything nascent or budding. Found out, it’s called being demisexual.

    Au contraire, when the bond is absolute, I’m screwed. Good thing is though, I know by then where the relationship is heading so it’s easier to cut off if I don’t feel that way about a friend.

    Fell in love with my best friend after five years of knowing her and immediately used a development in the common group of friends to cut myself off from everyone. I’ve been known to isolate like that, to deal with matters that mess me up in life, so no one thought more of it. I did this because another close friend of mine liked her from day one and that’s all I originally saw her as, until I knew I couldn’t get in the way to try and secure what was never mine to begin with.

    Turns out, she had feelings for me from the beginning and they grew over time, while she kept burying them out of fear of losing me as a friend. I learnt of this two years later, from her own mouth. Things got worse for her to deal with after I cut off from their lives.

11. I’ve never been able to.

    At best, they end up in the B or C tier of friends. They’ll never be A-tier, because I have a crush on them. We can still talk, and still chat, but I know that spending actual time with someone I can’t have is just going to be painful for me, so I don’t bother.

12. While I don’t crush on any of them currently, I’ve always been attracted to most of the women I’m friends with. A close friendship is precisely the type of vibe I’d want to have with a potential partner.

    But unless they show signs that it’s mutual I just keep that to myself. As a man, I think it’s only natural that they number of people you find appealing is far less than the number that feel the same way. Even if they’re your friends.

13. If she’s a rad person than bite the bullet and accept getting friend zoned.. it’s well worth it to keep the good ones in your life

    Also she can pull wingman for you down the road