New account because a good amount of my colleagues know my original username. My apologies for the massive wall of text, I’m just trying to provide enough information to get good advice. Many thanks to those of you that stick around to read the whole thing 🙂
I am mostly putting myself through college with help from loans and scholarships, but my dad is currently disabled so as a result, I have 3 jobs. 2 of them are fairly easy over the weekend and don’t require much work (music instructor related) but have a considerably long commute. My primary job however is a 9-5 paid internship on weekdays. I balance these jobs with taking care of my father and our dog, and the three summer courses I am taking to get to where I want to be with my education path. It’s a lot of work, but I don’t regret any of it.
My partner, on the other hand, has a part-time job with wildly varying hours and is staying on campus for the summer. Most of the time she is in her dorm room just watching shows or playing games as all of her friends have gone home for the summer. I see her every weekend when I’m in the area for my teaching jobs, but I get the feeling she doesn’t think that’s enough.
I love my partner very much, but I am starting to believe we both have vastly different levels of attachment needs. I’m honestly not sure how much of it is because I’m almost always doing something work or school related that I don’t have time to miss her or what.
I’m not trying to say I don’t miss her at all, but it’s more like I’m always occupied so she’s not always at the forefront of my mind. She has already raised issues with how little I talk to her during the day and I explained the best I could that because of my internship, I’m not able to get on my phone often. I always do my best to shoot her a “how was your morning” text and things like that, but I often get called away in the middle of whatever conversation we might start.
I really do try my best to talk to her when I can, but I get home from work and immediately have to get dinner started and any housekeeping things that need to be done. These things alone leave very little time for me to do my school work (2 are maymester so it’s kinda rough). We’ve also got a high-energy dog that I need to run with in the mornings to keep him healthy and happy, which basically ensures I’m a walking husk of a human being come evening time. I feel bad because I know we don’t talk as much as during the school semester, but I really don’t know what to do about that. The few times I’ve stayed up later into the night to talk with her have resulted in my work performance slacking a bit and I need all three of my jobs.
I try to be as open with communication as possible and I’ve told her that the reason I’m working even harder now is so that I can afford my part of next semester’s apartment (with two others as well, not just my partner and I), but I know she’s not happy with how little time I spend talking with her. It’s just one of those things I can hear in her voice and I can’t stop feeling guilty about it.
Could this maybe just be a summer issue? It wasn’t an issue during the school year. Or is this something I should start thinking about more with regards to our future? Right now I’m really stressed and I think I’m just getting unreasonably frustrated, but I do wish she’d be a little more understanding as I have tried to convey that all my free time is spent trying to be there for her. I don’t even have the chance to game anymore, which is my way of relieving stress. Am I being unreasonable and what can I do to make things better for both of us? Dropping my jobs is not an option, my dad and I are tight enough on money as it stands. Any advice would be much appreciated.
TLDR: I’m working on top of taking classes during the summer and my partner has raised multiple issues relating to me not being present enough in our relationship.