Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time? I’m happily married and love my husband and obviously married him because I love him. I also never seemed to stop loving my ex.
My ex and I didn’t have a traditional break up, I left him (to date my husband) as he was away (incarcerated for a young man’s mistake) and had a lot of growing up to do.
I’ve missed my ex daily for the past decade. We both found other people. I got married, he got engaged. We stopped talking due to his fiancés request (I respected that and his respect for her).
Recently we reconnected as his relationship ended and a member of his family passed and he reached out to me to tell me. He apologized for his disrespect for our relationship. I felt excited to reconnect, and it was very comfortable. I missed my friend.
I love my husband and the life we have together and the goals/plans we have for our life. I also long for the life my ex and I planned for before we both grew up. Almost like grief for what could’ve been and sad of why my ex couldn’t grow up when I needed him to. But also torn because I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have my husband and his unconditional love. I would never disrespect him and our commitment and vows to one another. I am not looking to cheat or pursue anything.
My husband and ex are both wonderful men in their own ways and I truly love both of them for very different reasons (think The Notebook). Both have grown into wonderful men, very different, but exactly what I imagined they would be. I’m honestly blessed to have them both in my life.
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9 comments
Yes. Especially if the relationship ended on good terms.
If I love someone then that never really goes away. A part of me will always love them even as I simultaneously recognize that they aren’t good for me or that we are better off apart. Or if they died.
It’s just like how I can love all of my kids. Love isn’t a finite emotion. You don’t have x amount and then you run out of it.
Time and energy are though.
You can be in love with two people at once, sure. Why not?
Question: Why are you spending so much of your time and energy fostering and nurturing your love for a man who isn’t your husband?
(Your poll options made no sense other than to be a way for you to avoid the obvious answer, which is “Yes, you can. And you’re an asshole for pretending to be the beautiful, tragic hero in a romantic movie.”)
Stop all communication with the EX if you want to keep your marriage. You are playing with fire if that’s the way you feel
If you really loved your husband you would have stop things from progressing with your criminal ex. How does this new relationship show your husband the live and respect a man might normally expect from his wife.
If you’re entertaining any kind of romantic feelings for your ex then you need to cut ALL communication NOW!
The truth of the matter is you both went your separate ways. He was happy enough to get engaged to someone else. You’re second fiddle to that other girl at least. Now that she’s gone here he comes. He got locked up while he was with you…..changed or not that was him.
You might always have feelings for him. You 100% are risking your marriage by associating with him. Even if you do a platonic relationship and are actually able to do that. Someone who knows your husband sees you with your ex and the rumor mill spreads. He knows everything is cool but everyone tells him you’re cheating. He lets it slide now it seems like he doesn’t care….more rumors. That’s all speculation but….yeah just don’t do it.
Read the book “The Ethical Slut”, and then get back to us. It’s not overwhelmingly long, but it goes in to all sorts of topics that are adjacent and/or relevant. You CAN actually be n love with two people at the same time quite easily if you are both capable and allow yourself to. When done without integrity or a shred of human decency, it’s called an affair. When it’s done between consenting partners, it’s called polyamory.
I am NOT polyamorous, so it’s not possible for ME. That said, you seem to be of a different ilk, so first things first, read the book suggested above. Second, have your husband read it. Discuss with your husband what it is in it specifically that has caught your eye. Your husband *should* always come first in your mind because in the eyes of the law, he is your legal partner. Don’t lie to your husband. Be upfront and have a frank discussion with him, and above all, honor his wishes and position. Don’t betray him. You will ruin him if you betray him.
I was betrayed by my wife 6-7 years ago for a period of 2 years, and I’m still broken. I don’t know what the future holds for me besides continued, consistent individual counseling. My wife ruined me and my world view. She took what I believed love to be and shit all over it. Just— just don’t do that to your husband, okay?
The shame, guilt, and remorse will come in time, and you’ll hate yourself for betraying your own personal values. That or you’ll devolve into a piece of crap person that doesn’t respect or care for others secondary to your overt narcissism. That’s what betraying someone does to a wayward spouse. You wind up breaking yourself, too. It’s just in a vastly different way.
How will your husband take it when he finds out?
Ok, you want to know the answer to your question then speak to your husband and ask him. See how he feels about this and come back and let us know.
> I would never disrespect him and our commitment and vows to one another
But you already have.