I found out my boyfriend of 11 years was cheating with his ex for the first 5.

Warning in advance, this is long, complicated, and I’m on mobile.

So my boyfriend [26M] and I [24F] have been together since high school. We started dating about 2 months after his daughter was born. The first year of dating was a disaster that only teenagers who have sex too young can seem to manage. We broke up for a year after that, but stayed friends and he matured a lot during that year.

We ended up getting back together and stayed together. I knew even going into it the first time that he had a daughter and a psychotic ex girlfriend. Thing were a lot better the second time around.

We moved into a house together about 4 years ago. His family loves me, and I started interacting with his daughter a lot more often. Then, when covid hit, his daughter did virtual school. She has adhd, and struggled to pay attention, so I ended up partially home schooling her. The thing I realized from this: I absolutely adore this little girl. She quickly became the light of my life and one of my main motivations to improve myself and be a good role model.

Then, as this little girl opens up to me more and more, I find out her mother is dating, has moved in with, and had another child with a registered sex offender. This guy is nasty towards my boyfriend’s daughter. This was 2 years ago. Now, my boyfriend and his ex are about to be in a custody battle and to prevent his ex from having any power to hurt us, he sat down with me and told me something devastating.

He had been regularly cheating on my with his ex for the first 5 years of dating me. He says he stopped after a family trip that included him, his ex, their daughter, and his ex’s parents. And I was shocked. The first year we dated neither of us count because we were both literal children. But everything after that is breaking my heart.

What I get to see from him every day is that he works hard to provide for his daughter and I. All of his daughter’s financial expenses are paid by him. I don’t work, as I’m a full time student, so he tells me he’s fine providing for me for however long I need. He does more than his share of the housework, he’s close with his parents and siblings who I also love, and he supports me through everything. I decided not to leave him, mostly because he came out and told me himself, but it’s not something I can just get over. I also love his daughter as if she were my own child, and I can’t abandon her when I’m the person she trusts most to talk to.

I don’t know what to do to fix any of this, or what to ask him to do to help me trust him again. I asked him to install a phone tracking app on his phone and he did. It helps, but I still think about whether I’m enough for him, or if he still has feelings for his ex. He’s also about to start a huge custody battle for his daughter, and we’re both extremely stressed about it. I feel like I shouldn’t push him to put effort into helping me when we’re trying to help his daughter.

Should I push for him to do more for me right now? Is there any way to get back the trust I had in him and to stop feeling so hurt about this?