I don’t know if it’s just the guys that I (28/F) have been talking to. Whenever it come to first dates, it seems like they always suggest a place that is close by them. Am I the only one who gets immediately turned off by this? I obviously would prefer if the guy commuted closer to me because I would really appreciate the gesture, but I am more than willing to meet halfway. I just can’t help but think it’s selfish of him to suggest a place near him where I have to commute there and back to for a first date. I don’t know if it’s just the fact that the bar keeps getting set lower and lower, but it’s so frustrating.
36 comments
If you asking them of course they are going to say a location near them cause it’s the areas they know best. Just like I’d they ask you you are going to say someplace near you cause you know the area and what are the places that are fun to go to. So if you want something near you suggest it and then ask if they’d like to join you.
I think guys go places with their friends; and say, “I’d love to bring a date here one night.”
And maybe it’s more likely you’ll end up at their place? But I’d like to think it’s the former.
I bring them all to the same bar/restaurant because i like it there and know the quality is good. I have no idea what bar/restaurant is halfway to you? But seriously why don’t you call them out. It’s legit and they’ll subdue.
i called a few guys out on this. not in an aggressive, mean manner. some got really mad about it. the others asked if i had any suggestions closer to me with similar food.
You’re not alone. The last date I went on, we went to places that were legit 10 minutes away from his apartment; he initially implied that this was the halfway meeting point. It’s not like we didn’t brainstorm venues together – we did, and he insisted we go to places closer to him. I drove over an hour, and had to pass thru another state just to get to his location.
One of the first real conversations we had is how he has a ton of friends who are girls, and that he’s got a truly **sordid** past of treating woman terribly until he recently developed a social conscience…at 26 years old. We started off with a quick hike, and he kept on warning me “not to hike alone with strange men” while simultaneously insisting I had nothing to worry about as long as I was with *him*. I felt bad for ghosting him until I saw this post and got reminded that he likely didn’t give AF about me anyways. -_- I **hate** it here.
There are dating tips out there that say bring your date to a restaurant that the staff k ows you. The idea is to make the guy seem important.
You should be met halfway in cases where there is distance between you.
Whether it is a Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks here, the next town over, or by you, it’s still a Dunkin Donuts or a Starbucks. It’s not like one should be different than the other.
Suggest the venue you like – it’s that simple
There’s first world problems and then there’s this. If this is such an issue maybe you should suggest the location?
People know their own area, and are creatures of habit… it’s really that simple.
probably because they know the area. I would rather suggest a place I’ve been to before rather than just pick somewhere randomly. If you really care that much then ask if you can meet closer or suggest somewhere else
I’m glad you think this because its one less bad date I have to deal with
Eh I don’t think it’s that big a deal, I mean he is a paying for it no? Seems like a a fair compromise. However if they’re doing that as an attempt to take you home after then that’s a no go
His actions is should suggest what he wants. Not that it’s a bad thing, but does his desires match with yours?
Don’t date anyone who lives far away from you then? Not really much to say unless you’re willing to communicate with people you’re getting involved with
So it’s not enough for them to be attractive to you, you also want them to start making gestures toward you before they’ve even met you.
He’s setting you up close to him because he would like to bring you home for a “nightcap” or some sort of play. He wants sex. Every guy with options does.
When I was dating, the first date was always at a coffee shop by my office.
Where I would be getting coffee anyway. I did this because I always thought getting stood up was an inconvenience. I never asked for her number, I would just ask her on a date.
So, I was making the effort to see someone but I was not going to make it a huge effort…and if the woman did not like it she did not have to show up.
It’s probably where they usually go
>I obviously would prefer if the guy commuted closer to me because I would really appreciate the gesture…
So you would prefer he make that kind gesture, but can’t be bothered to potentially do the same for him?
I’m a huge proponent for meeting halfway, but what you prefer, in my opinion, is more selfish than him suggesting something in his area.
Seems the other way for me. Women always suggest a place close to theirs. Either way, I always offer to pick up and drop off my date.
Maybe they have experienced a lot of flukes or disappointing dates. They might see first dates a quick screening with super low expectations. A bit like when guys swipe yes to everything on Tinder without even looking at their phone and then sort out the keepers later.
“Whenever it come to first dates, it seems like they always suggest a place that is close by them.”
1. People are usually more relaxed/comfortable in places they are familiar with and enjoy.
2. There may be budget concerns and if he’s paying, he wants to choose a place he can afford.
3. Lastly *if* there is a “chance for romance” his place *just happens* to be around the corner. 😉
Instead of considering it a turn off simply *make a counteroffer* to meet in the middle.
Most guys will go along with that. People tend to be *very amicable* early on when dating.
***”Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is.”*** – Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
If they’re planning the date they’ll pick a location they know or that is more convenient. You are allowed to plan dates too, you know
“so what made you choose this place?” boom. answer. also there are often times i wish people would have been more considerate over something simple that it makes me think about all the times people have thought i was inconsiderate when i didn’t even think about it, you know? he might not even know this is an issue. it’s not something i would think about when i’m going on a first date.
Laziness, selfishness, and cheapness – unwilling to part with $10 for transportation. They’re using an app so they think they can Uber Eats vagina to their doorstep with a coupon. If a man won’t do the bare minimum (meet halfway) then cancel the day. If he comes to your neighborhood – green flag.
Why don’t you just set the location?
Well, they should at least offer to come to your area or meet halfway.
However, I did a half way date a few weeks ago, which resulted in us trying to choose a bar to meet in where neither of us was familiar with at all. It was hard to find a suitable first date place this way, using google street view to try and figure out if it’s the right vibe.
Come on, I have to convince the chick that I’m worth dating, pay for the date, make a move at the right time, be funny, be witty, be charming, put in all the effort and risk getting rejected or ghosted and you expect me to ALSO find a nice place to go out that is near HER, give me a fucking break…
Lmao, so you would prefer it if he commuted to you, but get turned off when he expresses the same preference but with himself as the beneficiary. Bruh, you’re selfish🙄😄
So a guy is asking you out and probably gonna pay and then you’re turned off that he’s choosing a place he knows…
You should be asking him out and choosing the place yourself then…
Seems like the bar for men is getting higher, not lower
Bruh, communicate like a god damn adult.
“He suggested a place closer to him, ew, I’m totally getting the ick!!!”
What on earth have dating apps done to some of you?
I guess if your giving them the chance to make the decision they’re deciding based on what they’re used to. I don’t usually do this because its not fun, I like to meet in the middle or possibly go farther closer to my date, but that’s because I live in between a suburb and a city so the city always has popping restaurants, usually down the road my date will ask to to take her close somewhere to me but, again idk the etiquette to me was to always meet in the middle.
Lol. Don’t you think you are being selfish when you expect the man to commute closer to you but you aren’t willing to do the same for a first date?
Also, if the guy is the one asking for the date, planning the date and will also spend on your drinks/meal for the first date. Meeting halfway or commuting near to his place is the least that you can do IMO 😒
Otherwise, help him plan the date. Don’t expect everything to be done according to your needs without vocalizing your concerns.
Just a guess…but because you make the guys choose the place, so they pick somewhere they are familiar with and think that you’ll enjoy?
Have you ever tried to pick diner at a place on the opposite side of town? It’s ridiculously stressful.
It’s sometimes a strategy.
I do always appreciate when a guy asks what area I live in and suggest a place closer to me. For them it’s a convenience to pick near them, for me it’s a safety concern- so I do feel like it comes across as very considerate. That being said, if they do suggest an area by them and I’m not feeling comfortable I will counter offer. They are usually fine with it, and if not then I cancel. I used to be very flexible and found that the guys who insisted on meeting by them ended up being creepy or jerks, so I just view it as a nice filter