I (22F) have been dating my bf (25M) for 6 months and recently I’ve started to have a lot of insecurities due to unequal past relationships experiences. For reference, I have never been in a serious relationship until dating him and he’s been in 2 or 3 with his longest being 5 years. I also know he’s casually dated a few women.
In the beginning he asked how I felt about him talking about his experiences with his exes, mainly his longest, and I initially told him it was okay as long as they made sense in the context. I also don’t think it’s wrong to talk about things like that because you can get a good sense of what a person’s red flags might be based off of how they speak about past relationships.
So what I’ve noticed is that he doesn’t really talk bad about his exes, but he does about his ex flings. And although I was okay with hearing his stories about them early in the relationship it’s becoming a bit concerning now. So I’ve since then expressed that it hurts a little when I hear him bring up his exes, specifically the 5yr, so I’d rather he not anymore. He said he understood.
I know he tries his best not to, but sometimes it slips out which I think hurts even more. It’s not like he talks about her fondly, but he casually brings up her name in stories when we hang out with his friends for example. I always try to pretend like it doesn’t bother me but even his friends are visibly awkward when he does it. Recently, I found out he still has physical photos of her and photos on his phone of the two of them. He told me he was getting rid of all that but I’m honestly not too sure he has.
At this point I really feel like he still has feelings for her although he’s denied it (not that I accused him but he felt the need to tell me after a serious conversation we had).
I’m not sure if this is because she was in his life for so long but it really feels unnatural to me. I’ve only ever brought up a single experience I had with some guy I was in a situationship with for 2 years so I really don’t think it’s that hard to not bring up an exes names if you’re truly happy in your current relationship…right?
I promised myself that I wouldn’t be in a toxic relationship so im trying my best to stay open minded and also keep from looking through his photos and what not, but this is really eating at me. It also bothers me that he’s stepped over a boundary that I’ve asked him not to cross multiple times already.
Am I just overthinking and is this normal for people who’ve had lengthy romantic experiences? And any suggestions on how I should approach this?
1 comment
How long have him and the ex been broken up? If it’s fairly recent then I hate to say it but you might be a rebound for him. 7 years when he’s only 25 means they were together for almost 1/3 of his life and he likely spent all of his formative years with her. You’ve also only been together for 6 months. It’s not like it’s been years and he’s still bringing her up – he’s probably still getting used to not bringing her up, especially since at the beginning of the relationship you said it was ok. Give him some time.