TL;DR: I’m not quite sure if this constitutes dating advice, as I’m not the one on the end of wanting a relationship, but I didn’t know where else to go in regards to a person trying to pursue me. I’ve previously discussed this with him, before coming here, but nothing is getting through. Not to mention, others want me to give him a chance.
–
Okay, so for background I’m a 25F, and there has been a man interested in me since January. He and I went to school together, but only recently connected. I was under the assumption he just wanted to be friends, which is why I began speaking to him, but he quickly indicated that he wanted it to elevate to more. I kindly told him that I wasn’t interested, several times mind you, even having to temporarily cut him off completely so he would leave me alone about the matter.
Fast forward to the beginning of this month, though, and we began talking again. He said he was fine with the fact I didn’t want a relationship with him, and didn’t mention it for a long while, even stating that if he couldn’t date me, he was fine with just being friends. He also later said that he was 100% alright with us mentioning other people, as friends do. In the what do you think about this person, type way. Well, I had to stop doing that as well, because he got upset, asking what my potential partner had that he didn’t.
I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want a relationship, but it’s hard to let go completely when he IS being a great friend. He was there for me when I was hospitalized, which is why I would feel wrong completely cutting him off, and my friends keep saying that I should give him a chance. Just wondering if anyone else has been through this.
5 comments
You can stay friends with him if you want, just don’t mention people you’re interested in too much at first, because it might just be fresh for him and he isn’t over it. Just keep an eye out in case he tries to get controlling or insults you/the person you’re interested in, or anything indicating it’s going to be a big problem. At the same time though don’t be guilt tripped into dating someone you don’t want to. If you decide for yourself that you want to give it a try, go ahead, but don’t do it because he was nice and you feel bad or because your friends are telling you to.
If this man is going to keep getting upset at you for seeing other men after you’ve made it clear more than once that you’re not interested, cut him loose.
You’re doing him a favor. This man is unable to see past his attraction for you and you’re gonna have to keep cutting him off over and over
You have to be cruel to be kind. He’s clearly not respecting the boundaries you’ve set out. Him being there as a good friend is just him trying to win you over thst way imo. I was recently rejected by the person I’ve taken a liking to but once she said she wasn’t interested I have respected that and I’m moving on. He should do the same if he can’t keep his feelings in check
He isn’t being a great friend. He isn’t a friend. It’s a guy who’s infatuated with you and trying to wear you down until you give in and start dating him.
You cannot be platonic friends with someone when one half of the ‘friendship’ wants to date the other. Just stop speaking to him, I’m sure you have other friends that you could discuss these things with.
He isn’t respectful of your boundaries—he’s not a friend.
Send a text and screenshot it. 2 options.
Completely cut off contact and spell it out in the text. Indicate he is to have no contact with you.
Or say you’ll cut contact completely if he continues to disrespect the fact you are only interested in a friendship with him. (If he keeps trying, follow the first option.)
Email it to yourself.
Text proof and screenshot in case of creepy stalking behaviors—you never know.
Or you could block him completely.
But he should go.
DO NOT APOLOGIZE TO HIM in your text. Do not entertain his questions out of being nice. Be firm.