Help me figure out what is wrong with me

I’m writing this after much deliberation. So I am a guy of 26 years with extreme social anxiety and some communication issues, I have problems picking up on social cues. Never been in a serious relationship. I have had girlfriends before when I was in school but those were just for the sake of calling. Still a virgin and all. But enough backstory, here’s why I wrote this. It got a lot longer than I thought when I started writing, sorry about that.

Situation 1: Met a girl from my hometown through facebook, find out we graduated high school same year. Became friends, exchanged numbers. It went on casually for sometime. We’d meet if we both came home during any festival etc, text or talk on phone. Few months later I realized I have feelings for her. Initially I thought it was just a crush and brushed it off. But as time went along we’d talk for hours and it kept getting worse. One night I went drinking with my cousins. At some point she facetimed me and in a drunk state of mind I told her I have feelings for her. She was shocked a little I think but she told me she has never thought of me that way and she can’t go out with me. I am devastated but I say I understand and hang up. She calls me next morning asking how I am doing and that she’d like to continue to be friends. I tried pretending like before for few days but it was taking a toll on me, so I stopped after telling her that. We didn’t talk for almost 7-8 months. She’d text me sometimes but I tried not to reply most of the time. Anyway after this much time passed I didn’t have any feelings for her anymore so over the course of next couple of years we become good friends again. Around this time I also got to know the time when I asked her out she was in a love with someone else. She’d complain to me how he mistreats her, uses her, goes out with other girls, never give her any validation etc but she would always run back to him after that. I never said anything because I really didn’t have any feelings anymore. Around an year ago she tells me she finally broke it off with him. Good for you, I tell her. Then couple of months ago she drunk texts me saying how everyone betrays her, how I have been good to her and that she loves me. I knew she was drinking with her friends and thought it was a prank. Next day she calls me and tells me after her break up she has been seeing this guy, whom she found out was asking out the friend she was drinking with that day. I tell her about the texts, she says they’re real. Now I feel like shit because I am thinking she kept me as some sort of back up plan which you have to make do with when your first or second choice don’t work out, not even a friend.

‌Situation 2: Another girl from school. Never talked to her before. Started talking on facebook when we were both in college. Never asked for her no. She asked mine and called me. Anyway eventually we move to the same city for work then the pandemic happens and I come back home. She also comes back couple of months later and we meet a few times. Around this time I started having feelings for her. I’d help her with whatever I can. From being her it guy to breaking my emergency fund to loan her money so she can pay off debt to listening to her whenever she’s sad and all. She always told me she’s single and we’d do little bit of flirting. Still when I let her know of feelings she said she considers me very hood friend etc. As this was unexpected, I was hurt so I thought of distancing myself but she kept on texting me if I was feeling bad for what happened and to talk to her etc. I thought she might be feeling guilty so I gave in. But here’s the thing. She only texts or calls when she needs anything. Last few days have been a little different but I’ll come to that later. She says I’m really good friend but she’s never actually there when I need her. Granted I have only asked for help a few times but she was never available. She also keeps saying how she respects my feelings and don’t want to hurt me etc etc. I, on the other hand, can not look at her and not want her. No matter how many times she calls me a friend, I’m not going to see her platonically and I think she’s aware of this. So I try to stop talking to her and she keeps texting and I absolutely cannot control myself from engaging with her knowing full well where this is headed. And everyday she does this I go through a emotional rollercoaster. I see even a text or voice note or a picture from her and I get ecstatic only to come down hard and having sleepless nights. I have even told her how week I get for her, that I try to stop talking and I fail. 2 days ago she tells me about this guy she loves, who mistreats her, never acknowledge her feelings, use her feelings to make her do things and again goes out with other girls, fat-shames her etc etc. I did not ask her to tell me any of these. I didn’t know how to respond and honestly I was crushed. I tried to fake laugh about the irony of it all but I was breaking inside and she didn’t really think so. Said something like how she respects my feelings and don’t want to hurt me being not as much painful as her and that guy and just kept going on detailing how much he hurts her and she hates herself for loving him. I got frustrated as I just wanted it to end and ended up telling her to be with me if he is that bad. She actually laughed it off and still kept on going. I told her I needed to sleep as I was physically suffocating and ended the conversation. I haven’t answered her texts anymore but I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. She doesn’t like me but she still want me to hang around knowing I have feelings for her! I don’t even know how to describe the feeling of knowing the people you care about so much wants someone, who in their own words, are abusive towards them. That they’d rather choose to be ignored by someone than your sincerity.

Now what I want to ask you all is what is wrong with me? What exactly is that thing that makes me a good friend but not partner? I was reading about nice guy syndrome, I don’t think I am that. I have not harmed, bad mouthed or demanded anything from either of them ever. I did things for them because I liked them that is true though. What does that make me? Do women usually keep people around knowing they have feelings for them but it is not reciprocated?

I know take a long time to get close to people and I have been told by a lot of guys to make my intentions clear from the beginning. But I don’t really have any intentions in the beginning. I take a long time to even be friends with someone.

Please help me figure out what is it that I need to change so I don’t have to spend the rest of my life alone.