So I’m a woman, I am quite shy, and my relationship with most other women in the workplace has been rocky. I always try to start every new interaction by being friendly, offering a handshake (though I’ve noticed most women don’t respond well to handshakes),and smiling a lot. In the past I have tried get-to-know you questions like “how long have you been here,”etc, and if they mention family or pets I ask about them. I rarely have an issue with men, who are generally friendly and open to conversation. In fact, I started a new job today and the men on my team spoke and were friendly and the women completely froze me out and did not acknowledge me at all. I tend to wun some over after awhile, but I’m tired of being miserable while I’m waiting for women to not hate me for whatever reason. I’ll admit that I’m not very girly, so I tend to be more genuinely interested in what men are talking about, and am more comfortable with the way they talk, but I do try to talk to and interact with women, but I can always tell they would rather I not.
So, TL;DR- can you recommend actions I can take that will allow me to be approachable to my female coworkers? I don’t need to be best friends, I just don’t want to have any enemies.
1 comment
I’m a little confused by your use of the words ‘rocky’ and ‘enemies’. It sounds like you’re just feeling alienated and maybe exaggerating with your use of those words? Or is there actually drama with some of these women? Either way, I’ve worked in many mixed gender situations in my life (I am female) — and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Company culture from place to place will always be different, and sometimes you’ll come into places that will already have established cliques — just like in school. All you can do is be yourself, be kind and hope that the right people will gravitate towards you over time. I too was always ‘one of the guys’ and had an easier time befriending men — sometimes you just have to accept that for what it is and embrace it. As long as you’re not rubbing any women the wrong way they’ll have no reason to dislike you even if there’s no chemistry as friends. Also, it never hurts to bring donuts, bagels or any kind of special treat into the office every once in awhile. It shows you’re making an effort to be friendly. What kind of work do you do?