We have been married for 17 years and have three teenage children.
When the children were very young husband befriended several childless guys and would go hang out with them after work a lot, like 3 nights a week until after midnight.
He never introduced these friends to me – they do not have children, but they do have female partners – and he would say their houses (where they hang out) were not suitable for children.
It was always an issue for me that he spent so much time away from home when we had little kids to look after, and after years of arguments he cut back on going out.
He now goes out at least once a week to their places, straight after work (4pm) and doesn’t return home until after midnight. Now the children are old enough to stay home alone too, but I’m never invited out with husband and said friends.
I go out with friends (who he knows very well) for 2-3 hours once or twice a month, all other socialising is done together with other couples who I befriended through parenting, friendships I obviously included him and our children int
Husband thinks this is all totally normal, I don’t know any other mum/dad couple together for this long where the wife doesn’t even know the husbands friends of 15 years.
Anyone else had this situation?
16 comments
He wants a life that has zero connection whatsoever to his home life and married life.
Yeah. That’s weird.
>he would say their houses (where they hang out) were not suitable for children.
He hasn’t heard of a babysitter? In the 15 years that you have had kids, he hasn’t been introduced to this groundbreaking technology?
Your husband is really selfish and disrespectful. What the heck is he doing? It sounds like he just wanted to be single his whole life.
He’s hiding something- My guess is cheating or drugs/partying.
I’m not married but this definitely sounds like cheating. Not to compare but R.Kelly’s wife said she didn’t know of anything he was doing with underaged females for over 10 years they were together. You’d fall right into that category… you better see what it is your husband is doing for another whole 8 hours after work.
8+ hours 3 times a week is like a whole separate life
I don’t think this guy likes you or the kids very much
It’s not clear, but have you had a direct conversation where you’ve told him you want to meet these people?
Hire a pi. Wtf is he doing?
Are you sure he isn’t having an affair?
He says the friends smoke, and that together they play video games and guitar and that I’m not interested in those things. But even throughout all the arguments this has caused he doesn’t invite me.
That’s definitely weird. My hubby had his own friends he hangs out with without me but I’ve atleast met them and personally don’t want to go out with them
Have you ever even seen them? Have they never come to your place? Come over on his birthday or anything? That’s strange for sure
I’m sorry but that is not normal. I would become a detective and find out what he’s hiding.
He’s cheating
I was in your partner’s boots not too long ago, I have 5 friends I cherish and would do anything for, 3 know each other pretty well and are acquainted with the 4th. The first 3 are even known to my friends friends due to location, or friends of families etc. My 5th friend I had all to myself and had not actually met anyone I know but were aware of them as well as my other friends and family knowing of them.
My GF was aware of all these friends but did not like me talking to the 5th one as a mutual friend kept saying we would eventually cheat.
I hardly see the first 4 friends due to all of our work and family lives but now I’m now forbidden to talk to friend 5, spoke to them anyway and they decided it would be best if we didn’t + they don’t want to be involved in any drama
So I lost my closest friend, found out my GF doesn’t trust me and that a mutual friend is trying to break us up and turn other mutual friends against me.
I wish I had been firm, and told everyone to mind their own business as now I miss my best friend and hold a grudge towards my GF and our mutual “friend”
I miss my own friends and “our” mutual friends don’t seem to care for me much these days and don’t invite me out or even contact me these days despite me knowing and having many good memories over the 10+ years I’ve know them compared to the 6 months they’ve known my GF
IMO don’t rock the boat
He’s never introduced you to them, how do you know they really exist? This is concerning. I wish you the best OP.