Tdlr I asked my boyfriend something that was truly important to me and he said he forgot and that he doesn’t want to talk with me right now
First time poster and also English is my second language.
So onto the problem, I (23f)had a car accident two months ago and broke my leg and had two surgeries done (I still can’t walk much btw). My boyfriend (m23) of 9 months has been incredibly supportive, like he spends almost every day with me and we do pretty simple stuff like watch movies or play computer games because I can’t do much else. So I do understand that he would like some time apart from me and to do things with his friends, the thing is we use to share a group of friends and since the accident and due to me not being able to go partying with them I haven’t seen them. Now I can go out and do stuff like hanging at a friend’s house but they don’t really have me in mind because I couldn’t before, and I’m feeling very left out because they do things and I’m not invited. I’ve said to my boyfriend how I was feeling and that it’s not that I don’t appreciate being with him but that I also need to see other people because I’m feeling quite isolated so that maybe next time when they get together and it’s not to go to a club if he could let me know so I would go. He said that he understood but there have been a lot of get together and he only tell me when he was already there and never said that I should go or anything like that, just that he was hanging out with friends and that if i have a problem with that then I’m toxic because he is always with me. Today they did it again and I told him how I felt, that this was important to me and it was really difficult to say it because it put me in a really vulnerable position (having to ask him for help to see my friends) and he said that he forgot and that he didn’t want to talk to me and that he would reach out tomorrow and stopped replying. He has a habit of doing that, whenever I’m upset he gets more upset and I start to cry and he says it’s imposible to talk to me when I am like that so I end up saying I’m sorry and that I overreacted. And I also feel like I can’t be truly mad at him because then I will be truly alone. I know it’s a mess I can barely make sense of all myself. I guess I want to know if i have a actual motive to be upset about this, because if i tell him that I’m sorry now this all will go away but if i stand my ground this will blow over and will become into an actual fight and I’m not sure if it’s worth it.
1 comment
Oof, a bunch of things here.
First, just as you have the need to see other people, he has the need to *not* see you and decompress. From what you said he’s been generally supportive so he deserves that off time.
Second, you shouldn’t need his help to see your friends. Your friends are shits. They know you have been in an accident, right? Nobody had a brilliant idea to reach out and see how you are? Can’t you invite someone over? Having to use your bf as a go between to see friends is a really weird dynamic.
Third, both of you have communication issues. If you frequently cry when he gets upset and no matter what happens you end up apologizing, something has to change. It’s not enough info to say for sure but he sounds borderline abusive/manipulative during fights and you seem to have a bunch of insecurities and probably issues with attachment. Either way, you both need to learn how to healthily, calmly and effectively communicate.