How do I get better at confrontation?

7 comments

1. Confront the roommate. Try approaching it like it’s the first time you’ve see your roommate eating them. That way you don’t explode.

   All your doing is setting a boundary. Tbh, google boundary setting and try practicing boundaries.

2. Give yourself more credit and respect. Don’t be afraid to appear dominant, it might seem like a big deal to you but usually stuff like this is pretty trivial to others you’re confronting.

   They won’t hate you for it. If it turns out they do, then that’s pretty pitiful and so what? These are your boundaries we’re talking about, they must respect that.

   Might be helpful to include your explanation along with your request. For example, ” can you use your headphones when listening to music so I can concentrate on my studying please? Thanks, appreciate it.”

3. Starts with self love and respect. You are worthy of the same courtesy you seem to be affording other. With that in mind, make it known that you don’t like when certain things aren’t consistent with an atmosphere of respect. Don’t touch my food without asking permission. Your music is a little too loud and I’m studying, can you use headphones? Use questions if it makes you feel better, but get the ball rolling until you get comfortable with standing up for yourself.

4. I use few tips from the book ‘Crucial Conversation’. It has good practical suggestions you can use while having such conversations.
   For managing fear and mental state, I would recommend microsociology of violence by Randall Collins. It has no practice advices but it will significantly reduce fear every time you intend to enter high steak verbal conflict.

5. You can try humour sometimes, like, omg did a mouse eat my noodles? Please keep an eye out. I only have 4 packets of noodles! I need them for the week.

   Headphones – you could say – “that’s amazing how you can concentrate with music! I find it super hard”… give them a chance to offer to put headphones in. If no response, would you mind putting in headphones for an hour or so? I just need to focus on this for a bit”

   Giving a reason helps people to be more compliant to your requests.

   Also, consider therapy. It sounds like you might have come from an abusive home if you are so scared of making simple requests. Most people will not see these as a big deal.

   Bonus – did you know that people will like you MORE if you ask them a favour? It’s because of cognitive dissonance. We don’t do kind things for people we don’t like, so when we do nice things, we rationalise that we like the person who asked for the favour.

   Also, people love to feel helpful. Asking other people to help you is a kindness to others.

6. Get not Not Nice by Aziz Gazipura.

   Helped me loads.

   Edit: Should’ve expanded on this.

   It’s a self help book which has loads of tips and exercises to help you build confidence and deal with confrontation.

   On your point tho, I’m sorry to hear he’s ruining enjoyment of your home.

   When it comes to confrontation, don’t worry about getting it right or perfect or the fact you break down mid-sentence and don’t worry if he doesn’t listen first time. And remember, you have a right to have your voice be heard.

   Practically, just lock your food away. Then he can’t take it. Not ideal, but it provides an immediate solution while you work on your confidence.

7. My advice is to be honest about it, most people don’t really care or get mad, also don’t try to make it serious. I always smile when confronting and I have no problems so far.