I am absolutely terrified. My (25f) husband (41m) always says he hopes he dies everytime we have an argument. We argue but whenever I put my foot down he says that and I completely go numb. I don’t want him to kill himself because I love him but I feel like he says it to manipulate. Also, I’ve been wating to tell him to stop using tha against me, but what if he actually does do it? Will I go to jail. I feel numb. 🤕
10 comments
Does he say it any other time?
You should tell him in no uncertain terms that this kind of statement is out of bounds and a deal breaker. Tell him you love him but for your own mental health you cannot deal with that unless he makes an effort to quit that awful idea.
That is manipulation which means there’s toxicity in your marriage. It seems like he’s afraid to lose you so he uses that against you. I would suggest he seek help for his insecurities.
It’s a control tactic so you stop standing up to him.
Your husband is emotionally and psychologically abusing you. You should treat their self harm threat with caution but seriously, keep safe boundaries in place and call 911 every time he threatens suicide. If you’re in the US most states have some form of baker act/involuntary commitment when authorities are deployed.
This is a manipulation tactic used to shut down and “win” the argument. This is NOT okay and can be emotionally abusive.
My wife has struggled with suicidal thoughts for over half her life, and she’s never ONCE brought them up in an argument or used them to end a conversation. It’s a deeply fucked up thing to do, and I really strongly suggest drawing a boundary there and telling him not to say that during arguments, and to start attending both couples and individual counseling.
That’s a form of coercive control and abuse. He knows that you are going to react the way you do. That’s why he says it.
To be clear, it’s ABUSE
He’s manipulating you and needs to grow the hell up.
That’s not loving your partner to say such things just to get their own way.
Next time, tell him he’s not a toddler or a teenager and he needs to start behaving like a man.
Bigger issue is why are you fighting so much, and what does “putting your foot down” mean and what gives you the authority to do so?
Next time he does this, call the suicide hotline for your area. Kills 2 birds with one stone. If he is serious, both you and he will get help. If it’s a means to just shut you up (and again, why would someone feel they have to do this?) then it will be pretty embarrassing, mist likely put a very quick stop to it when he gets his assed chewed for wasting resources that can go to those that really need it.
I’m sorry you have to deal with that. It is emotional abuse and textbook at that. He’s simply trying to get you to feel bad for him or to panic to alleviate any responsibility. He wants you to fear bringing up boundaries or calling him out. Aka manipulation.
You won’t go to jail. Here’s more info for you that I think you should [read](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/when-my-partner-threatens-suicide/). It talks about how to navigate and respond when this happens.