How can I stop this? It’s literally ridiculous. A little back story I have OCD so I can get very obsessive about things, my girlfriend often won’t respond for 2 hours at a time because she says she’s doing homework (which I believe) or she’s at school. Both totally valid reasons. But I can’t shake the paranoia I get, it’s honestly so annoying and I’m afraid I will lose her if I keep being so paranoid about it. I’m constantly checking my phone. Always sending “I miss you” to her and I really Hate it. What are some things you guys would suggest to battle this? I wish I wasn’t this way.
TL;DR I feel like something is always secretly wrong. I don’t know how to shake the feeling.
13 comments
This is above reddit’s paygrade as what you are experiencing is not a solution based in logic – it is neurology and emotion.
The obvious answer is that you just stop as there is no reason for you to feel paranoia and if you continually say you miss her and exhibit this behavior then you will push her away and lose her.
But of course this is a non-answer because the problem isnt that you sont know to srop – you do know. The problem is you dont have conteol over your behaviour or enotions.
So the advice is to seek longterm Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or you will exhibit this pattern forever
I believe this might be a self fulfilling prophecy in which you’re scared you‘ll lose her at any point and trying to pull her closer to you is only going to push her away. I’d suggest therapy to work on codependency and maybe low self esteem.
The problem here is you know what’s wrong, you know the consequences, and need therapy specifically for relationships. Think of it as speech therapy. Go and learn coping mechanisms specific to your relationship vs. diagnosis. That’s the best you can do.
Also, she needs to know about how you feel if she doesn’t already and if she isn’t ok with it even after you’ve working on things then let the relationship die. The only thing that would grow from this for both of you is resentment.
It’s a hard place to be in. I have bipolar disorder and I am chaos for anyone entering my life. Honesty and help are the best we can do. They have to meet us half way or they aren’t for us. It’s hard. I wish you the best!
CBT with Exposure and Response Prevention.
Look up anxious attachment style and dig into if there’s any type of parental/guardian relationship that made you feel like the relationship was not secure (in childhood). In my experience it’s better to solve these things at the root. Telling yourself to stop or shaming yourself for it is actually going to backfire. There’s probably a logical reason you feel this way. Learn what’s causing it to heal it. Good luck!! ♥️
I understand your frustration. I reply quickly to people, almost as soon as I get their text, and then I’m left hanging, expecting a reply, but time ticks away. And what really gets me is when you’re having a Convo and then silence. Few hours or day later they return. Is a quick message you’re heading out or leaving too much to ask for??? So yeah, it is a struggle. What works for me, not 100% but I’d say a good 75% of the omg where’s the reply is reduced by having other things going on around me when I’m texting with someone. Having a movie playing, a game I can pause going, doing something like cleaning or cooking. Keeping myself occupied during the wait is basically what I’m doing.
As someone who also has ocd, exposure response prevention has been clinically proven time and time again to be the most effective treatment for compulsions.
I highly recommend seeing a therapist and doing it for the first few times with professional supervision because it is admittedly *uncomfortable* That said, after you do it for a while, you’re ocd gets SUBSTANTIALLY better. I mean, I used to be totally engrossed in compulsions and tics—and now i only notice them in particularly anxious situations. Def look into it and invest in yourself
This is something you should work on wis therapist.
Sounds like an avoidant attachment style to me – may be something to investigate.
It’s great that you’re aware that your own coping mechanisms from unhealed wounds are creating problems in your relationships. As with 95% of the posts in this sub, my recommendation is to get yourself in therapy.
Sounds like a BPD symptom. You constantly paranoid that she is talking to someone else or doing something similar and you are afraid you lose her but do well if she was always with you..you might wanna go get it checked and learn about it. It will help.
Have you tried putting your phone in another room and distracting yourself with some work or a hobby?
Lots of people are recommending what to do, but here’s what you should NOT do – you should NOT make your gf feel guilty for not answering texts. If you find yourself being cold to her or ignoring her because you feel slighted that she didn’t answer a text immediately, then honestly you’re not ready for a relationship and you need to work on this more before you date someone else.
Stop using text messaging as a form of regular communication and only use it for instances like “I’m outside the theatre RN”.
I had to do this not because of my partner but because group chats blowing up my phone all day. I am still subscribed and I might read the texts when I decide to but I’m not checking my phone real-time or answering because that’s a source of anxiety for no good reason.