I (22F) have a crush on a senior in college. I am too busy as a final year med student to look for people and wasn’t looking for any serious crush. Just a minor one to motivate me to attend class but I meant that mostly as a joke since people here are HORRIBLE.
Anyway, when I was posted in orthopedics, I thought I was annoyed by my junior resident and he for whatever reason, seemed perpetually annoyed by me too. I was nitpicking on him in my head, eh he is too tall (tall people intimidate me because I like feeling like the boss), I wonder how he gets pants that reach his ankles–it was all non serious mean stuff that I never told anyone. It was mostly to keep me awake during rounds. Anyway, one day, we actually looked at each other and ugh I realised I had caught the bug because I felt jittery. And it got solidified when he stood up against my batchmates who were being assholes to an old patient with dementia. Ah I got bit hard. This sounds so corny I want to die too.
Anyway, so I have a crush now, poor prognosis there. And towards the end of my posting, I approached him to tell him I appreciated what he did and tbh, I expected him to dismiss me quickly since he is a super busy junior resident and I am some stupid undergrad student. (in India, your medical degree is an undergrad course than you give an entrance exam to pursue your residency as your post grad degree).
I went in totally expecting I’d be dismissed and the dismissal would help me get over my crush and I will be free. BUT, this person was NICE which was unexpected. THE WHOLE POSTING he would specifically avoid talking to me. I was the main mediator between profs and my batchmates and despite that, he would literally look away from me and tell someone else to pass his message to our unit. He has done that countless times. Like, he looks at me and THEN looks AWAY to the person beside me. I honestly thought he hated me. Once, me and my batchmates were standing very close behind him to see a procedure in the OT and he looked at me over his shoulder and then told the person beside me to give him some space like… do I exist?
It was so obvious, once I purposely made eye contact with him and nodded hello in his general direction so he couldn’t avoid me and well, he nodded very enthusiastically which was… comical and unexpected? I am sure I am overanalysing.
So yes, when I approached him about how I appreciated what he did, he TURNED away from the case sheets he was about to fill out to FACE ME. The guy who was purposely avoiding me was suddenly–being friendly? Yo the nurse who had just instructed him about the case sheets stared at him when he did that.
Anyway, he said he didn’t remember standing up against my batchamates. Cool? Understandable, he is a busy guy. I said ‘it’s alright, regardless, I appreciate it’ and I wanted to leave because I was spacing out with breathlessness. And he kept saying he didn’t remember and if I had the right person over and over forcing me to stay and honestly I blacked out mentally and eventually just gave a firm look and said, ‘Take the validation’ Idr what he said but he thanked me and I RAN.
I was cringing the whole day after that.
THE NEXT DAY was my last day of my posting and we were in OT. I had a doubt regarding something and he was busy on the phone and he was super stressed out about this one case that needed a neurosurgery referral so I asked another resident and this guy hopped in for no reason and was just popping in the answer when the guy I asked the question to was explaining very patiently the entire answer to me–my guy, you were avoiding me the whole posting what is this behaviour now?
There are many possibilities for his strange behaviours. He feels grateful for the small dose of validation seems most likely. Junior residents have to face a lot of pressure with zero gratification so that’s understandable. Anyway I haven’t been able to see him in the last three days since I am posted for the next 90 days in another hospital.
Should I pursue this thing? Should I hope? I really just want to get to know him better if he feels the same. Ugh I hate myself when I’m like this.
5 comments
Girl, I can’t even start getting to the bottom of your predicament but I hope it all works out!
I don’t want to give you false hope, but there is a chance that he might be into you.
I say this because in his shoes(as your senior, in a work/learning environment) I would be totally acting like this if I was into a girl. I would totally avoid her to avoid passing creepy/harassment vibes.
Now, this is in NO way a guarantee that he is into you ok? I am not an example of typical male behavior (I am a man). So take this with several grains of salt.
Maybe use the fact that you are posted in another hospital(in a different work/learning environment) to talk to him?
Anyway good luck.
Never shit where you eat. Don’t make your work environment awkward by getting rejected or even dating and it not working out. Find someone else
So, idk If this is common for guy but I know for myself as a guy, I was doing all of this to a coworker. Overthinking, stressing out, and a whole bunch of nonsense. It was insane. But time away might be what you need need clear your head.
Maybe he noticed how you were acting and got the hint you’re into him; and it feels really good to be wanted but that’s no…reason that he necessarily has to reciprocate.
Not saying this is you or to be mean but, your feelings might be so strong that your desires for your love to be requited might emotionally make you feel entitled to him in a weird way.
Who knows but God Himself & the truth.
Either way, take some time and chill out. I know infatuation, pheromones, and etc might be so overwhelming.
Take this time to rationalize and re-center yourself and be the supportive person where you are at.
That’s all the best info I can give where I’m at.
I get those feelings; although I’m a guy, at times and I try not to do too much like wanting to see them or feeling lovesick. It’s tragic. It sucks. It might be love, maybe?
I don’t really know. Telling him how you feel about the whole situation can clear the air though.
If your med career doesn’t work out, become an author! But the only thing I can say because there is alot to read is focus on school and get all that stuff done then focus on guys. Be a platonic friend for now. Right now you are in the fishbowl. When you are done with school, you will have less stress and pressure and meet so many more guys who take the initiative to get to know you.