My bf (40m) and I (32f) have been together for almost 13 years now. He is a combat vet with PTSD. I feel like I am ready to throw in the towel.
The man has been a home body, like me for 12 years. A month and a half ago he got his dream car and things have been completely different ever since. Gone all hours of the night and day. Every. Single. Day. If he’s home he’s in the garage with the car. I do get it, an exciting new toy, but it has become more than that.
He’s getting better about not being gone all the time, but he’s still constantly preoccupied in the garage. I complain, because he’s pretty much written me off. He will spend a little time with our son but takes time to let me know I’m a crazy, manipulative bit** bc I’m so needy. He is also all of a sudden interested in friends. Another thing that is perfectly normal, but also leaves less room for me.
He is also drinking a lot more. I am not a drinker and not a fan of him when he drinks. He gets loud and I just don’t like it.
Obviously there’s a lot more context here but I think this has been long enough. Lol.
Am I really crazy and needy? Or are we growing apart?
To be clear, I’m not asking him to be with me all of the time. Friends, time to himself, occasional drinking. All perfectly normal and fine with me. The man has a one track mind and cannot handle multiple outlets without being completely absent.
Tl;dr Been together a long time and suddenly want different things.
4 comments
Fact is the two of you likely never actually wanted the same things because you were a literal teenager when a grown man (with some serious issues he never worked through) snatched you up. Now he’s finally working through his shit (even if it is in a self-destructive manner) and you’ve changed as well. So you’re not just growing apart but from two very different places. It’s very unlikely that as a 30something mother you are the same person you were at 19. He may be bored of that life. Him being 40 and getting a dream car and going out frequently all of a sudden literally sounds like a textbook mid life crisis. He may go full blown self-destruction and start seeing other people. It’s common for people to cheat to start taking it out and upping the verbal abuse on their partner. Makes them feel justified.
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All we can do about your situation is speculate but his behavior towards you is not acceptable.
I have literally said mid life crisis and he has said how boring I am. There’s no talking about it, his response is “your mad bc I’m living my life.” It’s like a switch flipped over night and took my best friend away. I don’t wanna give up on our life, but there doesn’t seem to be any solution!
If he’s calling you a crazy, manipulative b-tch, growing apart is an understatement.
I have thoroughly explained that I want him to do the things he loves. That all I am asking for is moderation while drinking and to spend some time with me too.