So, the other night, me [29m], my wife [35f], and our neighbours [29m, 36f] were in our garden having a few drinks to celebrate the Royal Jubilee. The 4 of us get on really well, and help out with each other’s kids, etc. I help with their car, and they help out with my computer issues. We’re all on good terms.
So, the other night, we had been drinking a lot, and at the end of the night, my wife went to bed while I locked up. M Neighbour went to go check on their kids, while F Neighbour collected their stuff to leave. When she left, she tried to lean in for a kiss, and I instinctively turned to the side so it would land on my cheek. Afterwards, she made a remark about not missing next time.
I know she was just drunk and we all do stupud things when we’re drunk. But what should I do? Should I tell my wife that our friend had drunkenly crossed a line? Do I tell her husband that her wife came onto me? Or do I tell her she was out of order to do that? Or am I just making a big deal put of nothing?
43 comments
You should tell your wife
I would forget about it for now, unless it happens again. It may have been a bad joke on her part, and you made it clear by turning your face that you weren’t interested in that. Talking about it could ruin the friendship and create an uncomfortable situation. Don’t deal with that until/unless it becomes completely necessary.
Tell your wife, it’s better she knows from you rather than hearing something down the line that may not be true
I think I would just tell my wife if I were you.
Depends if you want the fallout?
Nothing happened so you haven’t done anything to ‘own up to’ , the other F is so wrong and no friend, but drunk, so … Difficult one
Tell your wife, how would you feel if it was her and the male neighbor ?
Always tell the wife.
I’ve seen enough BBC murder mysteries to know it would end badly if you didn’t.
Tell wife immediately. Decide what to do together
maybe they want a foursome?
Tell your wife everything.
And if neighbor get “friendly” again absolutely draw the line. Even drunk it’s unacceptable.
Let it be… Take it as u mentioned, as drunk action. In the end, ‘nothing happened’. Do not understand people immediately writing: Tell your wife.
The first thing that will happen is her storming out and causing a scene. No one got hurt at the moment, keep it to yourself. If something happens in the future then u make steps.
Not everyone’s relationship is perfect, she might be ashamed of what happened. Let it be, move on with life.
Gotta tell your wife. If you keep quiet it leaves room for the neighbor get to her first and possibly tell her whatever they want, making your wife doubt you and straining your relationship.
Tell your wife and don’t tell anyone else. Tell her immediately. The fact that this happened “the other night” and she still doesn’t know looks bad.
Nothing happened don’t tell anyone anything. If it happens again i would highly suggest u to tell your wife
Tell your wife first, even if you didn’t do anything wrong in this situation. Then you decide together what you should do.
you have to tell your wife. holy shit dude. otherwise you are disrespecting your marriage. these are stuff you have to tell your partner. no other solution
This post reminds me of the legend in which a King was told by the Oracle of Delphi that “if he crosses the river, he will destroy a great empire.” The King and his army crossed the river and were defeated. The Oracle, when challenged about her prediction, insisted that she had been right. The King had indeed destroyed an empire – his own.
So, let’s not lead OP down the same path – at least not without warning him that Flirty Neighbor could respond by accusing OP of coming on to HER. The marriage that could come undone by his accusation just might be his own.
There’s a considerable difference between telling a Husband he’s been cheated on and speculating about what might have been. In good conscience I can’t ask OP to risk his marriage on speculation. My crystal ball is no better than the Oracle’s, and all I can do is help him see what the King did not.
Tell your wife, of course. But, I would also consider chalking this situation up to a drunken mishap. Maybe have a talk with your neighbor about it in a light-hearted way and make sure you’re both on the same page. Since they are, in a way, your friends I think the topic needs to be addressed.
Tell your wife.
Tell your wife and the husband
Since she was drunk – and you made it like the kiss fell on your cheek – I would simply let it be.
When yo meet next time – you should not talk about it – but talk about how much you love your wife – and you are happy that you have her and her husbands as friends!
Clear signals – without making this into a big mess. Do not be alone with her in the future!
Edit – the reason I would keep her husband and your wife a bit out of it – is that this can so easily be thought to be bigger.
Like “were you flirting with her?”, “why did she think she had a chance for a kiss”, “was it just a kiss – were you hugging” … and this can easely been turned around – she could tell – you were coming on to her – and now you are trying to revenge!
Tell your wife now. I would say it like she was drunk. You are uncomfortable being alone with her from now on. Let your wife know this. And never be alone with this woman again, even sober
Tell your wife.
Worst case scenario is that she’ll be eagle eyes whenever there’s a possibility this other Woman may be around.
Best case scenario, well, some people respond to potential threats by being a ‘better’ partner in various ways…
Definitely tell your wife ASAP.
If you confront your female neighbor to say it was wrong, she’ll just deny any knowledge under the pretense of alcohol consumption.
I’d then make it an obvious (very obvious) point to steer clear of the female neighbor in any future social interactions.
Let your wife handle it. Let your wife go knocking on her door to let her know that under no uncertain terms is she ever to come near you again. Her claims of drunkeness as an excuse will fall a lot more flat in that scenario. At least then your neighbor’s wife will know that you’ll rat her out anytime she gets out of line again and you don’t hide shit from your wife.
I have been in this situation but I’m female and it was one of our male friends that made the move on me. The following day I talked to him about it and told him it was inappropriate behaviour and he agreed and promised it would never happen again…and it hasn’t. I never mentioned it to my husband or his wife because I didn’t want this drunken mistake (which is all it was) to affect our friendships. Naturally after this event both i and he avoided each other and so he has also stopped being quite as chummy with my husband. My husband doesn’t understand why and just thinks he’s being an arse for not getting in touch regularly as he used to…but I hope over time that their friendship will be as strong again as ever. I have often wondered about telling my husband what happened so he understands why the friends avoid us now, but in doing so I know the worst case scenario is that he would overreact and our friendship would be completely over for ever and he’d potentially develop trust issues with me…so I don’t think I’ll ever tell him. The same scenario has happened with other random drunk guys at parties and I have always told my husband straight away. It’s different when it’s a friend that makes the mistake – whatever you decide, your friendship will never be the same.
It’s up to you to decide what to do. Unless you want the neighbour’s crush on you to continue…nip it in the bud now and tell her what happened was really inappropriate and you’re not comfortable with it. You forgive her because she was drunk, but it will never happen again.
You wait until everyone is sober, talk to your wife and decide how to proceed together. As a unit.
I would pull the other woman aside when sober and tell her in no uncertain terms will that behaviour ever be tolerated. And next time you’ll be going to her husband.
If you DON’T tell her and she finds out, you’re gonna have one hell of a time explaining that you weren’t cheating on her. It doesn’t matter what happened, she’s not gonna buy that nothing happened if she finds out another way.
Talk to your wife and figure it out together. It was not a drunk mishap.
Of course tell your wife you have nothing to hide but she needs to know how the neighbor disrespected her relationship
Tell the wife and then leave it alone if nothing further happens, so long as your wife is okay with that. It was likely a drunken slip as you’ve stated, but you don’t EVER want your wife finding out about something like that after the fact.
Look OP, I would tell my wife. The last thing you want in this situation is for the drunk neighbor to remember her shoddy behavior, go tell her husband something that may or may not (probably not) be accurate, and then your wife ends up hearing 3rd hand information. Hell, your wife might not even be surprised, but she will be relieved that you trust her to tell her the facts.
Then, it is up to you and your wife if you want to mention it to the neighbor. I wouldn’t involve the husband, that’s his wife that can’t handle her liquor.
That being said though, if this happens *again* that’s a completely different thing. I hope it does not.
As others have said, Tell your wife FIRST. Then decide together how to approach. She may even have a perspective of this neighbour/friend that diffuses any of your anxiety around the situation.
UpdateMe!
Erm just ignore it unless it happens again. I mean if you are both have mortgage on those houses it’s going to be a long 15 years if it was just a drunken mistake that meant nothing !
Tell your wife. Tell F neighbor that she crossed the line and inform M neighbor about his wife’s actions. Being drunk is NOT an excuse. When I get drunk I don’t go around trying to kiss men who are not my bf, just saying
Tell you wife and keep the distance now.
I think it’s a non-issue. She was probably joking. Tell your wife about it and see how she thinks you should handle it.
Don’t tell anyone shit. You dodged a bullet and did the right thing. Telling anyone just starts more shooting. Let it go
If you drink with the same people enough eventually something embarrassing is going to happen to someone.
So definitely tell your wife, you don’t hide that from your wife. However, there is the possibility your neighbors are swingers. If you two have never gotten the indication, find ways to bring it up. If you want to try and have them say something, get a piece of decor that has a pineapple on it and put it upside down. Next time they come over, make sure they will see it. The upside down pineapple (or just a random pineapple) signals those who are open to the lifestyle.
Of course, when it’s all said, that’s ONLY if you and your wife are open to it. If not, then don’t do anything to lead that behavior on. If she doesn’t say sorry or doesn’t do it again, just let it go
Tell your wife. Then you can both decide what to do together.
Tell your wife, honesty is the best policy. You didn’t do anything wrong. Then both make a decision on what to do, moving forward.If the neighbour says something different about what happened you’ve already been honest with your wife. I’d want to know. I’d probably have a 1:1 with the other lady (girl to girl) that, that’s my man, no swingers here, move the f onwards. Though I don’t think they are swingers because the swinger community is all about consent being informed and not crossing other couples boundaries. If they were proper swingers, and were interested with you both as a couple, they would have casually dropped that into conversation and made sure everyone was on the same page or if not apologise and move onwards. (From someone whose been in the swinger community in a past relationship).
If it’s never happened before, no. If she makes another advance, then tell your wife. I’m a wife and I know my husband isn’t interested in anyone else. If someone made a drunken advance towards him, I really don’t care or need to know. If it happens more than once, I’d like to know.
I think her husband needs to know more…..