TL;dr: ex lies about random stuff/tries to convince himself of what makes him feel better?
My (23f) ex (24m) who dumped me has been trying to string me along and this last time today he asked if I wanted to come over for chicken lol. I just said no I’m good. And he said right nvm covid. Like no not covid, you. He did something similar when he tried to get me back and surprised me at my house then later into the night I brought up him dumping me (because obviously I was confused about his sudden interest) and his reaction was that he didn’t dump me it was mutual. It was not, there was pleading and crying involved on my end. I even gave him a break to think about it. When I tried to get him to admit he dumped me because this inconsistent version of the story was bothering me he literally walked out of my house. Every time I call him out on his behaviour he tells me he isn’t invested because I still haven’t changed. It makes me feel gaslit, like I’m always the one in the wrong. I know I’m clingy and annoying but I put effort in that’s for sure. Why does he feel the need to lie about stupid things?
3 comments
Stop caring and just block him
[deleted]
I have read your post but I have also just had a little nosey to see if there was anymore and there is.
Most notable is that you are lonely and he is your only friend/close friend. This makes it 100 times harder for you to make a complete break of things, not only that he knows this and is clearly taking advantage of that. Also;
– He was the one that broke up with you, it was his decision, not only that when he asked you for time, also took a further two weeks or to proper decide to break up with you – so basically here he nastily left you in no man’s land, totally hanging not knowing what he was going to decide, putting you through increased emotional stress, anxiety and turmoil, stringing you along and playing with your emotions, exactly the same as he is doing right now AND that he has been doing in the couple of months since he broke up with you. You DONT treat people like that.
– He tried and has probably succeeded in ruining any relationship that you had with his mum that is now beyond repair by telling her that you blocked her, they both laughed at you and did knows what else he has said to her
– He is continually controlling and manipulating you to go round to the apartment that you used to live with him in, you mention above in your post that he invited you over for chicken but the other posts I had a nosey at and read shows that he does this regularly using one reason or another to try and coerce you to go over
– He denies the blatantly obvious fact that he ended this and not you, he says you haven’t changed and in other posts he always blames you for whatever and it’s never him or his fault…….ALL of this I have just said is proper gaslighting as you have mentioned that’s how you feel, well you will feel like that because he is 100% gaslighting you. He is also using the technique called D.A.R.V.O on you all the time he is blaming you for everything, you can and SHOULD/MUST read up and understand what the technique DARVO is and means that he is using on you….. Here is a link for you to go to and read which explains it [DARVO](https://www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/darvo/)
– You need to get your belongings out of the apartment so there is no reason to go back round there and when that is done and the tenancy/lease is up and he no longer has to pay you for his half of the rent – Then you need to go totally no contact, blocking him across all social media platforms and messaging apps and block his number on your phone. Until then he will continue to manipulate and control you, play with your emotions resulting in a negative and detrimental effect all whilst stripping away from you your confidence, self esteem and self respect.
Once you have gone no contact with him take your mind off of things by joining up with some local groups that meet up over particular interests, the same exact interest that you have. It is 100 times far easier to make friends with people when you have the same shared interests, in doing this then you will combat the loneliness that you have mentioned you often experience and you will no longer rely upon him and this will stop you getting sucked in by him again. Facebook groups are a great starting point.
Finally if you are in doubt, then I ask you to give these 2 previous post that you made some time ago a read over again and again and just pick out all of the many many different things that you previously wrote as to what he has done to you, the way he has treated you and what will keep happening if you ever get back with him – JUST REMEMBER OP, he has always said to you that YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE he had never ever mentioned anything about him ever changing, so that means that he clearly thinks that he is fine. So as he is not going to change then that means that he is always going to treat you appallingly like he has done, like you’ve mentioned and that is abuse, nothing else.
Also a bit of advice, I notice in some of your other historical threads about him that you have deleted your original post- I recommend that you don’t do this, simply because those threads at the time of you posting are in essence a record of your mental state at the time, the feelings you are experiencing and they document everything that is going through your mind as well as what they have done. Often victims of abuse cannot always recall everything that they have had happen to them simply because a new load of incidents of abuse replace the previous ones. So by you not deleting them, you can always go back to them (if not too triggering) and remind yourself of the 100s of different reasons why you should never get back with them or that person and never ever get back in contact with them.
So have a look back again at the 2 posts that you previously posted and give them 2/3 read throughs each just to remind yourself of some of the things that he has done to you so you are no longer confused about things and leave him and go no contact ASAP
https://www.reddit.com/r/ExNoContact/comments/v21gx9/my_ex_ruined_my_self_esteem/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/uspd26/ex_broke_up_with_me_and_now_is_playing_with_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf