What are some examples of trauma gatekeeping?

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1. My mother telling me I didn’t have it “that bad” saying she “doesn’t remember” or “can’t recall” my abuse or claiming it “never happened.”

2. Because of sexual abuse I cried during a smear test, after the doctor told me the results and mentioned the experience and asked some questions. It was hard to talk about but at one point she said “okay so you weren’t raped, okay” in a way that was almost dismissive. I was stunned.

3. Every single person who ever said “but that’s YOUR MOTHER” like it meant something to my mother in the first place. I don’t care. If she wanted to be treated like a mother she should have acted like it.

4. Since I “look straight” I have heard that the homophobia I experience is not the same, but in a dismissive way, as if it doesn’t matter. I would agree, but I don’t think they should dismiss the homophobia I do experience.

5. I was explaining how tough teaching can be and how underfunded it is. She didn’t understand that because she had classes of 40+ growing up and “could you imagine that?” I explained, yes I could, yes it would be terrible, because teachers back then were just lecturing to the middle. Nowadays we build relationships, we individualize, we differentiate to the needs of many different students. It’s great, but it’s a lot more work.

   I then added the extensive social emotional needs of kids that we address now and didn’t decades ago. She was clueless on this too. She didn’t understand why kids would need counselors and what could possibly be so hard for a kid? How could kids have ptsd? I didn’t want to mention my own trauma or the trauma of poverty because I wasn’t sure she’d get it, so I mentioned that my school has refugee children from war-torn countries who may not even have been in school. She grasped that at least.