We met online a month ago, talked for 2 weeks, and officially met 2 weeks ago. Within that 2 weeks we’ve had 3 dates, with a 4th one planned tonight. We talk pretty regularly but he has been giving me signs of flakiness this week.
He was extremely persistent and eager to meet up with me (I don’t think I am special because I know guys do this in the “Talking stage” to get you to meet them), and the first date went exceptionally well. I feel like we hit it off, and it was evidently mutual. He seemed way more into it than me, but I liked his energy, personality and appearance. We have a connection for sure, a spark. I was thinking this, and he told me this on our second date. Same energy on the 2nd and 3rd date. He is very expressive about liking me and he has already asked me a few times to not talk to other guys or see any other men. I told him I am not (because I genuinely am not, and I want to see where this goes with him). We both admitted to not wanting to rush anything, but are looking for a real connection and a long-term relationship in the future. We agreed that we are “seeing eachother” and want to see where this goes.
However, it feels like his “eagerness” has died down and he has been showing me signs of flakiness. I don’t know if I am reading into it because it may be way too early to tell. But I am not sure where to draw the line and move on.
We had tentative plans this past Sunday and he cancelled because he had a headache and wasn’t feeling well. He then apologized on Tuesday and said he’s been in a down/low mood since he is coming off of antidepressants. Totally understandable. We talked on the phone that evening and he brought up making plans and asked what night this week works I said any night really, he said Thursday and he will let me know what time he’s done work. I messaged him Thurs afternoon asking if we are hanging out and he called me to say his neighbour really wants to play tennis so he is playing with him, but if he cancels then we can hangout. I really didn’t feel like a priority at that time, but I wasn’t upset because he is allowed to have a life and other plans. We then decided on tonight after work. But I have this bad gut feeling that he is losing interest, and am left wondering if he is going to cancel again. Plus I feel like he is texting me less, and I am texting more, which kills me because I hate when guys do that! They run away as soon as the girl shows real interest. Am i just being overly worried since it’s so early in the game, or is this a red flag?
Also as of last night, I know he is still active on the dating sites. My friend has Bumble and sent me a screenshot of him (I showed her what he looks like via his Instagram prior, so she knew what he looked like and his name). I personally deleted the apps because he kept asking if I was talking to other guys, so out of respect and my own desire to not talk to other guys I deleted them.
He didn’t explicitly say he is deleting his, but I assumed based off his eagerness to be with me and addressing we are seeing one another that he isn’t talking to other girls either. I understand it is so early and he doesn’t owe me exclusivity yet, but the thing that bugs me the most about this is she showed me his profile page and it says “New Here” which supposedly means the profile was created within 3-14 days. I decided to ask him about it, because I’m 28 and not 21 and need to know what is going on. I called him and told him I am upset or anything but just curious if he is talking to/seeing other women and what his expectations are of our situation. He again said we are “Seeing each other” and seeing where things go, not rushing into anything.
He said he hasn’t been on the dating apps but it wasn’t a concrete “no i am not ever and I deleted them”, which I guess he is saying because he technically is still on them, but he didn’t seem like he was being honest, and this was prior to me showing him the screenshot my friend sent me. He asked me why I am asking this and I told him about my friend. He denied being “new here” and acted very confused. Saying he hardly has time to see me how could he date 2 women (he works a lot as he is a community pharmacist). While we were on the phone he sent me a screenshot of his Bumble chats and was trying to show me that his chats go back all the way to like April/March, so how could he be “new here”? I guess that makes sense, but also, why would Bumble put “new here” on his profile? it was also very clear he had scrolled through his messages so I couldn’t see how recent his last conversations were. So he is either lying, which I don’t know why because I told him it’s ok if he is seeing other girls, and that I just want to know out of honesty and respect especially since we’ve begun sleeping together.
I don’t know what to think. I really like him and think there could be a future here. I was convinced he felt the same way given his eagerness, openness and great attraction to me physically and emotionally . But now I am confused by these mixed signals. It seems since last Sunday he has been slowing down on his eagerness and attention. And now I feel like the crazy woman who catches feelings and will end up pushing him away. Why is dating so hard!?
1 comment
I think you’re more emotionally involved in this compared to him