It’s been like a month since I posted here asking for advice, I deleted my previous post out of shame and don’t know if anyone remembers or cares about it. But I got a lot of helpful advice from there so I wanted to give a little update.
My previous post was about my ex a few days after he broke up with me was still calling me pet names, I wanted to stay friends because he had been so important for me for 2 years but I was hurting a lot since literally a week after breaking up with me he started seeing someone else.
So I did take the obvious advice and went no contact. I sent a very long text saying how I couldn’t be friends with him since I have so many emotions (good and bad) towards him and basically saying I’d like to come back to him as a friend when I’m ready and then blocked his number and everything else.
I don’t know if I’ll ever do that tho, because he’s apparently still dating the girl he started seeing after me, and I can’t stand the thought of coming second to her again (don’t blame her for anything tbh but it still hurts).
I’ve been thinking a lot about that relationship (as you can see in my profile because I’ve definitely had a bunch of feelings I need to write down to process). I still feel pathetic for letting him hurt me and being so desperate for his affection.
I’m not healed yet, but I’m better. I don’t cry anymore, I don’t want him back, I do have anger in me but I’m working on that.
Thank you everyone for saying I was being stupid af, you were right, and although it was painful to read through all the comments it did help. And when I start thinking about everything again I still check the comments that resonated the most with me to remind myself that this was necessary and I’m doing the right thing.
Oh one good thing is that I’m trying to get more comfortable with my sexuality, I’m bi and I’ve never had a chance to explore that, and it’s pride month so why tf not? Nothing serious, I’m just talking and flirting a little (or at least trying to).
1 comment
No, you were just really in love its normal to still think about him sometimes even when its anger. losing a bestfriend and lover at the same time leaves a huge hole.
Honestly I’m kinda surprised I stumbled upon this post cause I was in a very similar situation with a girl not too long ago, we were bestfriends for 3 years loved her for 2 of those, we dated for a year then I asked for a small break to figure out my career. instead of giving me time she left with another however there are still a lot of things shed do and still does to maintain the hold she had on me, a happy birthday at midnight to make sure she was the first to wish it to me on my bd. Drunk calling me, saying she misses me etc all while she had a bf. Everytime I seemed to start to move on shed just come up with a way to keep me hooked. We just wouldnt talk for months then shed pull something like this. Brought me right back to her hook EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I dont even wanna be with her but somehow it still works its just.. her so anything she does I just lose it cause that means she thinks about me aka gives me attention. She’s still with the same guy (2 years now) and the last little move she pulled was last week.
What I have learned from my situation that can maybe apply to yours, the little things he does to keep you hooked you need to run away from that shit. I know you probably wont do it cause even I havent been capable of blocking her everywhere forever yet but thats what you need to do. You guys were bestfriends so I assume your bond was pretty strong and if you feel like you guys had a mutually strong bond you probably still believe the story isnt exactly over and theres still hope. How tf can you forget about that? You cant, Its hard asf to date other people when you know deep down the one for you is somewhere else and are you gonna have to invest years into that person to MAYBE develop a bond as strong as you had with the one you loved? As someone who has always and still lets her manipulate me into getting confused everytime she talks to me. run. (Ik you wont tho)
As someone who has always followed that little sense of theres hope, heres how I’ve moved on,
Time is a huge factor no matter how desperate you get trust me every second that passes is part of the healing process, so dont see it as a low when you think about him see it as you still thinking about him but less and less often. Cause he’s probably always gonna be on the back of your mind, he’ll just surface way less. And thats good.
If you were truly in love and all the classic coping mechanisms for loss didnt work and no matter what you do it seems to be always the same then you just have to wait. Even if thats not reassuring you can block him everywhere and not unblock or go stalk him to speed up the process.
Obviously I might have a lot of that stuff wrong but if I use my experience to try and help, this is the point I’m at rn. I think your love as started turning into hate and thats a good thing ish. That’ ll make it hard to remain friends cause youll hate him but it’ll still always be him so you cant not care. If you guys are meant to be together life will make it happen, its time to move on