I’m single and honestly, horny AF. If an attractive guy asks me out, I get super paranoid that he’s going to use me for sex and I end up disassociating myself with him. What’s your advice for a girl that wants to get to know a guy and have sex but not get pumped and dumped or just strung along for sex?
40 comments
Be honest with him
Very little. Try to be as valuable as possible as a partner, but that’s all anyone can do to avoid the hump-and-dump
Abstain from alcohol on your dates and/or limit yourself to no more than one drink or less. Alcohol (or rather the people who drink it) makes people do stupid shit. And if you need a drink get a no-alcohol beer.
Honestly, just make sure there’s a genuine connection there. You never really know somebody else, but if he’s laughing at your jokes, you’re laughing at his, he’s kind to service workers, he wants to really get to know you, the odds are good he’s actually interested.
But also, there’s no shame in a one night stand. Sometimes you just need to bang stuff out and you shouldn’t be paranoid about being used if you’re planning on doing some using of your own. Idk if that’s your situation, just felt relevant
Time to seal up the holes with flex tape
Then look for someone with same priorities. And get to know, KNOW him before starting something serious. Like really KNOW him, not just have information about him, from him.
By being honest and opening up emotionally instead of opening up your legs. A truly nice guy is going to crave that over sex. If you don’t connect that way, it’s probably not worth it.
A 10 date rule works the best tbh. If he’s still around by then he’s probably not in it just for the sex.
Tell him you’re a good Christian gal and no sex before marriage, sends all the scum running 😎
The difference between guys and women is right here. Horny woman doesn’t wanna be used for sex.
Ignoring that part idk just don’t have sex right away? Make the guy work for it. Wait til date three. Or longer. Either they’ll get bored and move on or will stick around.
I personally never wait past 10 dates though
Have more to offer than your body, by putting your hobbies/interests as the focus of your identity or something like that.
Mutual interests and the ability to make each other laugh.
If you have those, it means they probably like you for other reasons and aren’t just using you.
If you also want to have sex and enjoy it, how would you be getting used? It’s a mutual activity.
Just use him back equally as well. Enjoy it while it lasts and who knows maybe it will last happily forever
Lower your standards? It sounds like you’re latching onto highly attractive men with options. And attractive men with options will keep a harem of women, because they can. That’s just the sexual marketplace.
Men lower down the pyramid will be much less likely to make you their ‘number three booty call.’
I have never thought less of a woman for sleeping with me on the first date.
Seriously, we are two grown ass adults making the mutual decision to bump genitals.
So when you women obsess over whether or not to wait 1,2 or 5 dates before you put out, you’re prescribing the wrong medicine to the wrong problem.
If your personality isn’t compatible with his, or god forbid, you just aren’t what he is looking for in a long term partner, waiting 1,3,5 or 10 dates to spread those legs isn’t magically going to transform you into every man’s dream.
This means, be as attractive as you can be by highlighting the parts of you that you believe would make you a good partner. How are you presenting yourself on the date? Witty and intelligent?
OR fake tits, huge cleavage and nothing to add to the conversation besides starting every sentence with the word “like”.
Be more than sexual thing. Be charming, playful, fun, charismatic, all the other things that go along with a relationship that doesn’t involve sex.
By finding a good man and not a Chad or Tyrone.
I think when you meet someone, you can usually get a vibe on what they are looking for. If it’s just a hookup thing, or they are interested in more.
Tell him you want to take it extremely slow. If he’s willing to wait a long time then you know he likes you for you
It probably starts by taking things a little slower and evaluating their character first.
I know, it sounds boring and too formal but it’s probably better.
How would you know, or anyone know, by looking at a picture or bio on an app that he is serious. You have no idea. The guy can be the smoothest person in the world and make you feel like a queen and then drop you once he gets what he wants.
If you want to not be used for sex only, take the time to evaluate them first
Most important things to pay attention to:
How much does he care about your interests?
How often does he talk about sex?
Has he talked about you to his friends?
Does he have any notable history of being a player?
Does he have female friends? (Horndog guys usually dont have much but most guys dont either)
Well I just don’t think anybody gets used for sex, at least in the situation you describe
I think the way you see it is sexist kinda
like girls want long term and guys don’t
I think most people search for long term relationship but it’s not that easy
if you have sex you agree to and you share a moment
will the relationship be short term or long term is not important
now if you want to wait for marriage or engagement to have sex well you can, but it will lower the pool of men available to you
if you don’t well have sex and enjoy it!
don’t bring sex up at all for the first few dates. don’t even talk about it or hint or flirt or suggest it.
The goal of this is to get sex off the table, because it’s understood you guys are both going to do that at some point if you stick around long enough, once sex is off the table you can actually pay attention to what he’s saying and it can give you an idea if he is long-term wifey material or if he’s just a cum and go man.
Find an activity (besides drinking) where you can meet guys with similar interests besides besides sausage rodeo clowning.
make him wait.
Get to know him and delay all sexual activities for several months. Masturbate instead of having sex.
Get fat. Don’t wash. Don’t shave.
Use us for sex first. Flip the script
There really isn’t any way to tell if a guy is going to pump and dump. The only thing you could do is tell them they have to wait until you two are exclusive. People who are willing to break it off because you won’t give sex, are going to leave after they get sex anyway.
Lol this is like saying “yo dudes, how do I win dating”
By being good to date and picking people who want to date, if the dude doesn’t like you or want to date there’s nothing you’re going to do that’s going to reverse that
Nothing. There are no guarantees in life. Just go and take the risk. Be aware and wise to the actions of your partner, talk with them, then make the decision.
You are stalling your expirence because of fear and analysis paralysis, take the plunge and get some expirence.
I don’t think that’s being “used for sex”. You’re both having sex because you want to, not because he somehow tricked you into it. If you want a more substantial relationship, then communicate that and act on it. Go out with guys that explicitly express they’re looking for the same things as you. There’s nothing you can do to prevent someone else from dumping you after having sex. But you can be more discerning about who you date, to try to decrease the likelihood of that happening.
Ask him, if he hesistates to say he likes you for more than just sex he’s lying.
If a man genuinely likes a girl he has absolutely no issue of telling her if she asks.
Also you have to be realistic about your attractiveness.
If you’re average looking & he’s very hot, it’s too good to be true,
Also if he’s seen with you in public or in front of he’s friends he takes you seriously.
If you don’t want to be used for sex, then wait until you’re married. (sorry, not preaching here, but if you want an absolute answer, then an absolute condition like marriage is the answer).
Short of that choose wisely, and at least wait until the relationship develops (3-4 months) before having sex. If you don’t develop a bond emotionally, and have him develop respect for you, then there’s little reason for a guy to think you’re not just looking for a pump and dump to satisfy the horny urge.
Rememer, only you can set the limits
Don’t have sex with him until you know he’s for real. Let him prove his worth. He will soon enough show his true intentions.
Ah, pick a guy that seems really excited to be with you. Guys that are super chilled about spending time with you or are super popular or confident with girls are less likely to invest in you as person due to the number of options they have.
Don’t have sex with men.
A bit of a bizarre idea in this day and age – any guy friends or acquaintances that you have some attraction to and there seams to be some attraction your way as well? This way you already know him somewhat (Unless actually knowing someone and some of their flaws up front ruins some sort of fantasy. Another problem with my idea is if you’re only horny for conventionally super attractive guys).
You could ask him out.
Ask questions that can reveal more about who he is
Easy. Don’t sleep with him until the relationship has developed. Guys who are init for the sex aren’t going to have the patience to take you out on several dates before getting in bed with you.