My husband and I have been together for 3 years. In the first 2 years I’ve caught him physically cheating twice and trying to get dates online multiple times.
Each time he’s got caught he would Gaslight me. He’d deny until he couldn’t deny anymore.
Everytime he’s cheated, he’s never given me comfort. In our entire time being together he’s never let me have the Passcode to his phone. Even after cheating he refused.
We’ve been living apart for the past 10 months in seperate countries ( immigration processing time issues). And since we’ve been apart my trust issues have worsen.
It’s gotten even worse when recently a friend told me she saw him on tinder. He denied it. Even when I showed him a screenshot of the profile picture, he tried to say I’m the one who made the profile to make him look bad. Then he said tinder is just like Facebook and Twitter
Today I happen to see one of the women he had an affair with comment under his elder sisters Instagram post. It honestly set me off, because if she doesn’t have any contact with him anymore, why is she so comfortable commenting under his family members post.
I called him and told him that I know that that he’s still having an affair with ( we’ll call her Megan for the sake of the post). He immediately says ” what’s your problem with Megan. I haven’t spoken to her in ages. ”
I told him my problem is that she’s sleeping with my husband.
He then proceeds to tell me not to make him angry and that I’m just crazy.
In the end I told him I don’t want to argue about it anymore and that I want a divorce.
He’s now saying he hasn’t done anything wrong, and that it’s me that’s finding ways to break the marriage.
I’ll admit that I don’t know 100% he’s cheating again. But I just have thus feeling something isn’t right.
And with us being apart, he has had thar freedom to do what he wants.
Now he’s saying I broke his heart. This has been making me feel guilty.
I need space to heal and I feel like us seperating will be for the best. Because if there’s no trust, the relationship isn’t going to work.
And while he’s hurt me multiple times, I don’t want to be the source of anyone’s pain.
How do I get past the guilt of breaking someone’s heart?
16 comments
say AM I NOT HURT TOO when you’ve cheated on me so many times.
see what he says.
My man is on Tinder!
Honestly, what are you even doing? Get out as fast as you can and don’t look back.
Criminals are feeling hurt when they go to jail, cheaters feel hurt when they get caught cheating – consequences always hurt but they’re also the result of our own actions. If he didn’t want to get divorced he shouldn’t have cheated. If he wanted your trust he shouldn’t have cheated. He’s like that kid on the playground that pushes other kids and then cries when someone finally pushes them back. He doesn’t feel bad for hurting you he feels bad that he isn’t getting away with it. You aren’t the source of his pain, he is the source of his pain by doing things that get him into trouble.
Tell him to give you a reason to trust him. He’s cheated on you twice. The receipts are not adding up, especially the tinder profile.
You didn’t break his heart. His actions and your intolerance of his actions is what broke his heart. You didn’t get him the dates. He got himself the dates. He chose to cheat, and he’s not wanting to handle you setting the boundary that you’re not okay with him cheating.
Why is his heart more important than yours in your marriage? He’s hurt your heart many many times, and he doesn’t sound like he’s ever felt guilty for hurting your heart, so you shouldn’t feel guilty for no longer wanting your heart hurt, and putting your foot down for your own well-being. You’re entitled to be with someone who won’t hurt your heart. He put himself in this situation and now he’s acting like it’s a problem that you’re not tolerating him hurting you anymore.
There’s going to be guilt for hurting him, but your feelings and your heart are just as important to his, and he’s not currently acting like it is. Continuing down this path means putting yourself behind him and his desire to cheat. And you don’t need that. It’s okay that he’s hurting. Hopefully that hurt will be the kick in the pants he needs to realize what he actually had.
He’s manipulating you. Hes probably very adept at it.
His actions have shown that you ending this is the healthy move for you (I agree). His words have been shown to be lies. What else is there to know?
Living apart is such an advantage right now. When you’re ready, cut contact & be done. You deserve better.
You’ve already decided to dump this lying, cheating loser. What he says and feels just doesn’t matter anymore. He doesn’t have a heart for you to break so don’t give him rent free space in your head.
Your husband has broken your trust over and over.
That’s why you no longer trust him.
He’s not “hurt”, he just wants to avoid the consequences of his actions. He thinks he can achieve that by making you feel guilty.
Don’t let him manipulate you anymore.
he broke his own heart. if he kept it in his pants you wouldnt be dumping him
He broke his own heart by cheating. Don’t let him guilt trip you. Divorce this cheating piece of shit.
Respect yourself and leave him.
You didn’t break his heart, he is trying to string you along!!
Get the divorce and find someone who doesn’t cheat and lie!!
You need space from him and his ongoing emotional manipulation. It’s his fault this relationship has failed, he’s cheated. Him saying that was 2 years ago get over it shows he’s got no empathy and doesn’t care about how you feel.
What you need to do is find a spine and some self-respect ASAP. Don’t give his “feelings” another thought. What a total joke. How much longer are you going to waste letting this total loser gaslight you. This isn’t a marriage it’s a joke. End it and move on with your life.
You get over it by telling him the truth. You don’t trust him,. If he’s hurt by that, hell have to go talk it through with a therapist or one of his side chicks. You are no longer interested. Hell call you heartless, tell him you learned it from the master and indicate him. Hell call y{u a feeling less bitch, tell him thank you in a really pleased, flattered voice. Hell tell you you not putting up with his shit (hell say cold and heartless and u caring) is why he had to cheat. Tell him to embrace his chance at finding happiness, now fck off!
You get the drift. Take every insult as a real compliment. Take every injury he claims, as evidence, him fcking off out of your life is the best thing that could happen to him.
This guy is too much headache. Yuck.