I can’t comprehend how people have insecurities but are able to be intimate and show their bodies to others.
To give background, I’m 25F and a virgin due to obesity since 16. I’m down 50 pounds, going strong, but it hasn’t added a sliver to my body confidence. From 19-22, I would ask guys online how disgusting my body was and I was 220-240 pounds during this time. I got sick of hearing I’m “insecure” and I’m “beautiful” from friends. I wanted to prove my perception of myself is how people view me. I’ve had dozens of men tell me I’m repulsive, disgusting, would never come near me, Shrek with boobs, an upside down Heinz ketchup bottle, I’ll never find anyone, etc.
I made the decision at 20 to remain a virgin for the rest of my life because of this and my body. However, I’m human and want companionship/intimacy like everyone else. The problem is, I’m struggling to even allow a man to see me naked. Whenever I picture it, I feel nauseous, my muscles become tense and start shaking because I cringe intensely. I can’t fathom, grasp or comprehend a man being attracted to me because of my body. I’ve been considering wearing clothes during sex or only having sex in the dark because I know I’ll have loose skin, saggy boobs, etc after weight loss.
I don’t want sympathy because I simply wanted to give background, but I want to know how you all overcome insecurities to be intimate. Any advice is appreciated, thank you! ❤️
4 comments
Girl, hella dudes love a BBW. It’s literally a kink/fetish. I’ve been fat my whole life and have had no shortage of wild, passionate, delicious sex with many spectacular partners who absolutely drooled over me. You’re gonna be just fine. Definitely seek out some therapy though. Your head is being a dick, it’s time you told it to shut the fuck up and embrace the only body you have in this life!
Like Nike says: just do it!
Your the only one holding yourself back. It’s better to love and have lost than to never loved at all.
hiya… girl let me just tell you that you are not alone! i felt exactly the same way. well done for achieving your goal of losing weight, i’m fat atm (unfortunately haven’t been able to shake it off).
I’ll be totally open here. before i met my current partner i had guys totally rip me to shreds, didn’t (and still don’t really ) have much confidence. I tried getting it on with guys but i’d be too insecure to let him touch down below or take my clothes off. it was a nightmare i didn’t thibk that i was ever going to lose my virginity let alone have sex.
To be honest with you, it takes time and it may take for someone else to love you in a romantic sense, for you to open up. don’t stress over it and don’t try and rush anything. When there is a guy that ticks all those boxes and makes you feel at ease, then you’ll loosen up a bit (in a metaphorical sense lol).
When you do come around to making out with guys etc. focus on what their actions are l. for example . if he’s wanting you to take your top off… he’s got a pretty good idea on what you look like under there and he wants to see it. if you’ve got belly fat , he knows it , clothes don’t hide everything, but he would still want to see it because he finds you attractive.
in the meantime try and take more time for yourself and expressing yourself. practice self care , it’s really important, you will feel better.
everytime you look in the mirror say a compliment to yourself in your head,even if you hate that part of your body. it stops you from automatically hating on yourself and destroying your own self esteem.
it does take time but you will get there. if you have any questions or want a chat you can always shoot a message .
x
I’m sorry to hear this.
Do you fear sex because of your insecurities, or you just have no interest?
Do you feel forced into it if you want a relationship?