I (25F) and my husband (27M) have had a minimal sexual relationship for the past several years. It’s something I struggle with since I have a high sex drive. For most of it I just thought he has a very low sex drive until recently when he finally disclosed to me that he masturbates every so often. I don’t have issues with masturbation I have done it to take care of my sexual needs because my sex drive can be tiresome for him. I have a issue with the fact that he as the lower sex drive person is masturbating instead of having sex with me when he knows how much I struggle with our lack of sex. It’s also the fact that he has gotten upset about occasionally and doesn’t like the fact that I sometimes masturbate to take care of things.
I tried to talk to him a while back about it in a gentle manner. I just told him that I’d really like to ask some questions about it and that I think it’d be good for me to know the details so I’m not imagining the worst. He shut it down but told me he’d let me know before doing it so I could have a chance to participate with him. However he hasn’t said a thing unless I ask him if he has done it recently and he says yes.
Well last night I couldn’t sleep and needed to go get something so I asked to use his phone as a light since mine was dead. He gave it to me and I turned it on and went and got what I needed. I wasn’t that tired so I sat on the couch and was going to look something up but I opened the internet to pictures of skinny brunette girls and it just broke my heart. I’m not skinny at all I have a medical issue that makes it hard to loose weight and easy to gain it plus I had a baby 2 years ago. It hurts to know that he’d like to do sexual things with these women and not me. He would never because it would be super against his morals but the thought of him getting off to other women when he barely looks at me and I only think of him when I do it is awful.
I really don’t know how to approach this with him. He has already shut down talks about it most likely because he can’t swallow the shame that those conversations would make him feel. I don’t want to resent him for this but if we can’t talk about it and work it out I know I will end up doing so. Any advice one how I can talk to him about this without be shut out would be greatly appreciated.
TLDR: my lower sex drive husband masturbates to pics of skinny women instead of having sex with his heavier wife and shits down conversations about it. I need help figuring out how I can share how I feel and find a resolution without him shutting down or feeling like I’m shaming him.
4 comments
[deleted]
Talk to him now that you know all of this the best solution is the one y’all can come up with
Op I think you have to come at this as wanting more intimacy not about his masterbation habits.
I would lay it out that you want to work on your intimacy with him. That can be mutual masterbation or just oral I am sure the masterbation can be an easy release without major effort.
It can come across as inconsiderate considering your differences in sex drives. I would say to him if you are happy to, that you want to be there to share an intimate moment in whatever form he is comfortable with.
I am sure that the most religious person wouldn’t see this as a perfectly natural loving act between a husband and wife.
First, don’t feel too bad about what he’s looking at. I’m a butt man, my girlfriend has a fat ass (in a good way), but not the biggest boobs, and I often masturbate to huge tits because it’s something I don’t have. But I literally love my girlfriend’s body.
Also, have y’all tried masturbating together? Finding a video you both can get off to, and doing it together on the couch or something?