I got into first relationship and found out the actual intercourse is not really as AMAZING as sex is thought to be.
I like cuddles, closeness, etc and enjoy that aspect of intimacy for sure. But is the intercourse itself actually supposed to be good?
Am I abnormal? I get confused how it’s supposed to be as society says it’s supposed to be out of the world experience.. like, I would rather drink coffee. And no I am not depressed, or with hormonal issues.
It seems too much work for too small or non existent reward. Orgasm feels okay at body level but it’s just a few seconds thing which is still an okay experience.
23 comments
Feel however you want about it. Communicate honestly with your spouse.
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I could pretty much go the rest of my life and never have sex. I have been married 17 years and we do meet each other’s needs. I know it’s much more important to him then me. I don’t care about the oragasm. Sure it feels good but lasts all about 5 seconds. I don’t need it to be happy with my life. He needs it to be happy. I am sure he wishes I enjoyed it more but we have learned to compromise. He is not deprived.
My morning coffee makes me more happier than an orgasm/sex but I would never tell him that.
The amazing part, for me, is what leads up to intercourse. Some days there’s not a lot of build up. Others it might start with a quick look on a busy morning on the way out the door. Flirty/naughty texts during the day that builds anticipation/excitement. A passionate kiss walking in the door. When the time comes to finally be together, their touch can be electrifying. The mental and physical foreplay is where the magic is if you ask me. Intercourse is the icing on the cake…or the stomach/face/breasts lol. Everything that leads up to it is what enhances my pleasure.
How’s your foreplay game?
My wife had some pretty bad experiences where she was from and following that, married young, where the same bad experiences continued. It’s only after getting a divorce once she moved to this country, and then started dating, that she realized sex could be somewhat better. We started dating and I don’t think she had ever been with someone who was really interested in her pleasure. I also let her be the boss when she wants, because that’s something she had never had the chance to experience.
Oh yeah, she never had a man go down on her, which in my opinion, was a fucking sin all on its own! We got married 6 months after!
Joking aside, sex starts in your head before anything else. It’s easy to forget that part and turn sex into a physical thing only, and that’s when it starts to become lacklustre. Maybe you might consider exploring the mental aspects of sexuality with your partner.
If you don’t try to enjoy it, if you view it as a chore, then it probably is not that great. It’s important to try. If you saw a pretty girl, being sweet to your man, you might actually enjoy it more. You don’t enjoy what you don’t have to work/compete for.
From my perspective, it’s not generally overhyped, no. It’s pretty amazing for me, both in terms of physical pleasure and bonding with my husband. I feel great in the lead-up, during, and basking in the afterglow afterward wrapped in my husband’s arms.
If it’s not that for you, though, that’s okay. Not everyone gets the same pleasure from the same activities. My mom goes crazy for chocolate ice cream, gets excited about having some. I can take it or leave it. I’d rather have coffee. Humans are very varied, and your experience is just as valid as mine.
Everyone’s different. My husbands love language is physical touch. So literally just me touching him in that area feels good all round even if it’s not to orgasm. It makes him feel like I love and cherish him.
My husband and I have a lot of orgasms but actually not much sex lol.
I feel a bit the same way as you as the actual intercourse is a lot of effort for a few seconds of pleasure. Mostly we spend the whole time touching each other, edging close to orgasm etc which makes the whole time feel good.
Simple resentment has kicked in
I don’t think you’re abnormal.
And I hope you don’t feel that way about yourself.
Personally I don’t care for sex at all.
Actually quite sex-repulsed.
My husband likes it/wants it so I try my best have every now and then.
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It’s all personal preference. Sex is the entire experience for me. It’s not “overhyped,” it’s just that some people crave and enjoy it more. There’s nothing wrong with feeling either way about it.
It’s like how some people crave brownies and some people never/rarely want them.
As long as you’re with someone who’s sexually compatible, that’s what matters.
I have a high libido and so does my partner (though his is lower than mine). We’re both content with our sex life.
I absolutely love sex. I would be miserable in a sexless marriage. I was miserable when my sex life had dwindled to once or twice a month because my partner was tired and stressed from work and was dealing with some issues. I was literally considering leaving over it unless he communicated with me and things began to change (they did).
I know not everyone has the same drive for sex that I do however and I’m sure there are plenty of people who feel the same way you do. My first reaction is to say “if you feel that way about sex you aren’t doing it right” but I know that’s not fair and probably also not accurate because everyone is different.
I just hope you aren’t married to someone with a higher need for sex because that is a recipe for an unhappy life for that person.
Keep trying!
It could be not the right partner, it could be you’re asexual perhaps. Either way I’d be honest with your partner. If they have a higher sex drive it isn’t fair to continue the relationship. For some of us sex is a very important part of the relationship, don’t go through the motions convincing the other person it’s important to you. A lot of people get trapped in a dead a bedroom.
People obviously have different feelings about sex and they’re all valid.
However, you can work on accepting disappointment in sex, and can likewise work on figuring out how to enjoy sex more.
I hope that’s not invalidating. Your feelings are real and valid. But there are things people can do to change their perspectives.
I’m having to change my perspective and accept that my wife doesn’t really want sex, and there’s nothing I can do to change her mind. I accept her as she is.
It’s just an individual thing. I’m sure you’re not alone.
To me, it’s really about exclusively knowing a person in a way that nobody else does. This is gross, but it all comes down to the fluids, lol. We hug plenty of other people. We kiss out mom or our kids on the lips. We cuddle our children. But no fluids. Your partner is the only one in the world where fluids are smeared around and getting in each other’s mouths and bodies.
But to each their own.
Sex is amazing with the right partner imo. That being said, not everyone loves sex. I think for success in a marriage, it’s important to be with someone who feels the same way as you do about sex. Otherwise resentment builds on both sides of the aisle. Often times both partners are unhappy in long term relationships with mismatched libido/sexual appetite.
I would sometimes prefer to sleep than have sex but not often. Sex is probably overhyped, similar to how romance is. I mean, in the media there is a ton of romantic and sexual fantasy material that is nothing like reality and
You may be asexual if you like other intimate acts but sex doesn’t do it for you.
You are not abnormal. I’ve heard this from some friends. They enjoy intimacy but not the sex. For some people their drive went down because of child birth, stress because of added responsibility, or because of work/school. For others it’s because the sex isn’t that good (some guys don’t worry about the woman having a good time). In my case, my husband’s sex drive is lower than mine (it was higher for him 10 years ago) so now we have sex less than I’d like but it’s so good when we do have it (2-3 orgasms at a time good). I’d rather have amazing sex 1-2x a week than regular sex 5-7x a week.
No
Reddit is the wrong place to ask this. By the time the mob is done, they’ll have you convinced you need therapy and that there’s all sorts of red flags and that you should be getting a lawyer.
If you’re both happy and it works out for you guys the way things are, great. As long as your needs are being met, no worries.
For some people, having sex is THE most important thing. For some people it’s not. Enjoy your coffee:)
I didn’t. I’m saying he’ll feel rejected