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What is one thing you must accomplish before you die?
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When I found out I even had a kid, first thought was giving them a particular item I held dear.
Sounds over simplistic but – unlike my childhood; just show them love, tell them I love them and I’ll be there for them. Simple example: They can talk to me with no fear of reproach – that all their fears, worries, hopes, dreams, and desires are legitimized. I never got any of that. Just a sterile unemotional home full of ridicule and condemnation.
Sounds like you want to neglect your kid or kids all year until you can do 1 thing for them. The right thing to do is to be a dather and do whatever you can whenever you can.
When he was born (or rather, a week later, the adoption agency hadn’t called us until that point) I started slowly collecting gems, old coins, small antique nautical items, and built a treasure chest. The plan was when he turned six, I was going to wake him up on his birthday and we would go looking for the family treasure on a map that was inked onto a cloth (prop to FIL for getting that done). It was supposed to be a family thing we did in the Everglades so his cousins could do it too, but then that was the year of Covid. We still did it locally with about half his treasure load, and a burnt note indicating there’s more in the “Miccosukee’s lands” so we can all do the rest later.
I had a childhood where I was abused mentally and physically constantly. My ‘now’s my chance’ moment was when I got together with my SO with two kids from a previous marriage, and I knew that I would not be like my parents.
When they make mistakes I guide them gently. When they are overwhelmed with the world I support them. When they do well I tell them. When they accomplish goals I tell them how proud I am. My moment I will make last until my dying breath. They’re amazing kids and deserve better than I had and I will give it to them.
Selfishly, I was never approached by my parents about college and talked to about my future. They made school horrible for me. So, when I had the chance, I started the conversations early and bought them tools (test prep, hooked on phonics, tutors, etc.) and learning toys and games to demystify learning for them.
Learning tools are expensive. I was poor but the spend was worth it. All three got into great schools and graduated.
Gave my kid my favorite stuffed animal from when I was a kid. I was kinda sad about it…but like Calvin giving Hobbes to Bacon, it was a passing of the torch to the next generation.
Huh.. you know I don’t think I’m there yet. Good post
Not a dad but an uncle. Took my nephews fossil hunting out west, something I always wanted to do as a kid but never got to because my mother hates the outdoors.
The only thing I wanted for my two kids is to give them the father figure, he abandoned us when I was 2, that I never had.
My chance came when they were born. Wasn’t perfect, but I was there to love them, guide them and support them through their formative years and even now into adulthood.
Nice try, you can’t prove any of those kids are mine!
There’s not one thing, it’a lot of things, from teaching them sports, drawing, math, chess, etc. To spending time with them and helping them experience new things (like camping).
Stick around and not be a deadbeat dad again. Happy to say so far, so good! That little shit better get me something good for Father’s day