I am unable to maintain healthy romantic relationships. Advice needed

5 comments

1. >And I don’t have nice guy syndrome.

   Yes you do lol

   You play the friends game, you play in the friendzone unless she’s horny af

2. Okay first of all, there is nothing wrong with the way your attraction works, the issue I suspect is how you are meeting people and probably how old they are.

   Have you tried other means of meeting people other than through work?

3. This is general advice and you certainly only refer to a limited selection of such occurances, so it aint enough to actually see a trend.

   You might not feel you suffer from niceguy syndrome, but you showcsse behavior that is typical niceguy behavior. Id say about 85 % of girls and about 59 % of guys say that the seduction phase is irrelevant.

   A substantial minority of women hates the mere mention of it, as if confessing feelings or stealthing your way into a girl (figuratively and literally) via weeks and months of slow burning, way too harmless, text bombs and 10000 deep talks is the better, the more effective way.

   Believe me when I tell you it isnt a good way. Such a strategy might appear to work if chicks are already madly in love with a boy. They very attracted already, possibly cause that specific guy is hot in her eyes or whatever.

   If a girl perceives a guy through the ‘lord…he fine as hell’ goggles it (initially) almost doesn’t matter how he acts. He can even act totally passive, being über-nice, dry texting for months, way too harmless and sexually boring (not even kiss let alone dirty love making)….

   A ‘flip’s sake im in love’ girl wont mind initially.

   Unless you fall into the subjective or even objective (whatever that means) category of hot guy she feels very into right from the start, being completly platonic for extended periods more often than not kills the potential a guy might have had initially with a girl. They not wired like boys. Generally speaking, a womans attraction ain’t nearly as static as men’s. A girl might give her number and agrees to a date, cause she doesnt find him unattractive. But loses interest after 0,5 to 3 dates.

   Id say in 85 % of the cases they lose interest quickly when guys are way too careful, too harmless, usually presenting nothing but the careful, nice, friendly, very platonic friend. This initial attraction can die much quicker than you as a guy can prolly imagine. Just as most guys believe women must surely operate like men in that regard.

   If a girl aint in love already, or outright rejects a guy (no first date) then it is your behavior that has the most impact. Girls often appear and are fast to underline that they want a relationship, feelings, comittment etc pretty much the moment your eyes lock for the first time. And that they want anything and everything but that anything sexual, that a man actually wanting her and hanging with her primarily because he found her hot and wants to bed her…that all that is basically evil, wrong, superficial, bad and just wrong :p. In fact most women act that way (initially or at least make those statements).

   But trust me…if you actually modify your behavior accordingly and supress all of that, if you actually give women that non-sexual, feelings confessing, passive or only platonically (lets first be friends) engaging ‘man’ haha…

   Yeah.

   Then watch most women friendzone the shit out of you. Most girls, even the most conservative ones will friendzone you into the deepest platonic desert, and theyll do it after one to three dates.

   Girls gotta feel something. Preferably their heart beating faster cause you actually moved in a shape and form thats considerably more fun and way more direct and absolutely physical. And you dont wait for that. If a girl doesnt find you ugly and vibe is good on first date take a guess how early you can already kiss them.

   5 mins. 10 mis. 45 mins into first date.

   The way you play….you basically wait eternities. No offense but that alone kills 99,9 % of your potential. Befriendong girls first is advice that you prolly got from girls. Never listen to advice from girls on how to actually get them. They wont be able to tell you what they actually react well to.

4. No there’s nothing wrong with you, you may be Sapiosexual; where emotional and intelligent attraction need to be fulfill first then physical attraction. Go google the different type of sexuality.

   However, like someone here mention; one of the issue is how you meeting these woman. If they are your friend first and you’re a sapiosexual; it can be very difficult b/c woman generalize either find you romantical interested in the beginning or not.

   For example, let say you just met a woman. She does find you romantically attracted, but since you need tat emotional/intelligent connection first; you may not make any move. In doing so, she will slowly put you in the friendzone. And when u do finally feel connected with her, it’s too late.

   In you’re positon, I highly suggest OLD and put on your profile what kind of sexuality you are.

5. There’s nothing wrong with you not being instantly attracted to a person. It’s healthy to become attracted to someone after you get to know them. However, it stops there. You lost certainly are “a nice guy” to the core. If you can’t accept a person non interest and still be friends with them, your motivation is now being attracted to them. I don’t know how you stop doing this, but you’ll never hold on to women as friends. It’s creepy and no one wants to be around that. But don’t worry, you aren’t unique… most men are this way. Go to therapy.