I don’t know what to do, I can’t live like this anymore. The loneliness is killing me. Has killed me. I live since 4 years in Berlin and I have zero people to meet. My biggest wish when I go to sleep is that I don’t wake up anymore or when I wake up my first thought is, not another day again… I am actually a very nice, funny and lovable guy, but my life situation is not allowing me to be like this anymore. If you would see me and my look or how I act on my workplace, you would never believe I am that much down or that I don’t have anyone. I changed a lot in last years since i live in total isolation. Even my coworkers say this, I barely make fun and jokes anymore for which I was known the most and people liked me. Now I only go to work or to gym, because I have no more friends or anyone with which I could socialize (coworkers have all familys or different lifestyle). I am 35 btw. I am having a great job which I love and I earn good money, but beside of that, there is nothing positive in my life anymore. I have now money and freedom to do almost anything I would want (travel), but i can do less then the most broke person, because I have no-one to go with. Before corona I had a few people, but since 2 years I haven’t meet any person. The isolation has totally killed me inside. I was the biggest, most passionate music guy, now I don’t find even my favourite tracks from the past enjoyable. If somebody would tell me 2 years ago I would not enjoy some of my favourite tracks in the future I would have bet all the money I have with him that this can’t happen to me. It all feels so empty and hopeless, when you know there is no future for you. Now I don’t feel worthy anymore to meet other people, who had in those time much more from life than me. They went to another level in this time, had so much fun, normal stuff they did, sex then me. But I also don’t want to meet with other people who are in same situation. I had a few chances to meet with a few people from my country who live here in last time, but I canceled the meeting on last day a few times, because I didn’t feel I am on the same level as them, since they have a normal social life and went clubbing regularly (women).
I am living in such a great city, but I have no benefits from it, I haven’t explore and saw almost nothing from the city yet. There so much things I would like to do, from riding a bike with some friend, driving a gokart or travelling to Thailand or any other beautiful beach. All the things I would like to do, I can’t do because I don’t have people for it and I don’t wanna do it alone, because it makes me feel even more weird. Going to clubs, play tennis, making trips, travel. The situation is like this for a year and nobody can understand what this kind of loneliness does with a person.
6 comments
I feel you bro. It’s shitty, I imagine.
I find the most concerning these words of yours:”I had a few chances to meet with a few people from my country who live here in last time, but I canceled the meeting on last day a few times, because I didn’t feel I am on the same level as them, since they have a normal social live and went clubbing regularly (women).”
You really have to make a mental switch here! Do not compare yourself with others in such a way. There is no level between friends and potential friends. If there is one from somebody, do not hang out with such a person because he/she is not worthy of you. People that genuinely like you, will like you when get to know you and will want to hang out with you, will then not judge or classify you based on comparing social life between you and themselves. So get rid of this mental break and the rest regarding your social life will organically get in motion. Now how to achieve this mental switch is probably the next question.
I am so sorry you are feeling so down! But I am sure you are not the only lonely person in all of Berlin! We have just been through a global pandemic. 6,320,069 died, many more lived and have long term conditions. People had to isolate for the last 2 years. It wasn’t just you! With all those people isolating, and all those people dying, I am sure that there are many more people who are lonely. I would love to go to Berlin again! There are so many art galleries, museums, monuments, palaces etc… There is the symphony and so many wonderful things to see and do! If you have the money, why not tell a couple of your single colleagues, that you have cheap seat tickets to the symphony, and would they like to join you? I had a friend who would always ask me out for exciting things she knew I could never afford to attend, without her treating me. So she always had company to these events, and I got to go to places I could never afford to go. Don’t despair! Other people you could be friends with, are around.
If I would’ve lived in Berlin I would come to hang out with you man, loneliness can be crippling indeed.
Do you speak a bit German? That might help when meeting new people.
Also there is an increasing number of apps that are made for people like you. They help you connect with others nearby, find similar interests, etc. Maybe give those a shot? I hear Bumble is all right.
If you feel brave I might have an other idea.
I went to Berlin a few years ago and we stayed at two hostels. They both had a general lounche area with some couches, chairs and a table where often students would hang out and also play board games.
Students are (in my experience) always up for a chat and meeting new people, in addition almost all of them speak English just fine. When we went, we were allowed to enter the lounche before we actually rented a room, so the lounche was also accessible for non-staying guests.
You sound depressed. You need to talk to a doctor, please!
When it comes to travelling, it‘s great to travel alone, because you meet a lot more new people, then.
I’m german and this happened this friday: I went to a public outdoor party with some friends and a random girl from america just approached us and befriended us.
This could be you. People at partys, festivals, meet ups etc are usually happy and happy to welcome any stranger that wants to join them, just ask. So I suggest you do all those things that you want to do (but can’t because noone comes with you) alone. The chance that you make friends this way is extremely high.
And even if your worst fears come true, you embarass yourself and people make fun of you and whatnot, you have a big advantage: Noone knows you, so it doesn’t matter.
Also almost everyone in germany speaks english so don’t worry about language or anything.
I actually had the same problem when i studied in Berlin (also for 4 years). Maybe it‘s just the big city that makes people not interact with each other. I found it easier to make friends in more rural towns. Since i moved out of Berlin it got better.
Back then I joined a sports club or went for long walks around the city and that kind of helped me. But im pretty happy that I moved out of Berlin. Maybe not everyone fits in there. Life is better now;D