Hi. I’m wondering if there is anything you appreciated that your mom did, gave you or taught you? Also, is there something you wish she had done, given or taught you?
I’m a single mom, which makes this more important to me. No judgement please.

46 comments

  3. my mom taught me how to cook, clean, sew, and train dogs among many other things. I value that last one the most but honestly the value in all of those was the time spent together.

  5. Honestly? Try to provide some kind of male role model / father figure for him. I’m sure you’ll be a great mom, but men and women experience the world differently, and having male guidance is extremely important for boys.

  6. My mom has a tireless work ethic and is a saint. She treats people well and isn’t afraid of hard work.

  7. Always have fun, enjoy little moments, do family exercise and entertainment

  8. Mom was always there for me growing up. If it was because I needed emotional support or she physically had to get to me to bail me out of distress she would be there.

    As an adult, I’m sure she would do anything for us. That’s something I’ll always strive to accomplish as a father one day.

  9. Work side by side with him. You can’t delegate and then walk off. Be it room cleaning, the dishes, etc.

    Also, kids are more likely to eat what they help cook- to try to avoid a picky eater give them age appropriate jobs and let them make little choices like what seasoning to use. And stay away from frozen food like nuggies and hot pockets

  10. Hi! First, I have to note that you are already doing great. It’s nice that you pay so much attention.
    I can only advice to give him to spend enough time with his friends. Also, do forget about “men’s activities” like fishing. It’s won’t be interesting for you but you can always ask his uncle or friend’s father to take him fishing. Let him play football, airsoft and so on)
    However, you’re great mom just keep up the great work!

  11. If you can keep his father in his life, do so. Obviously not always possible. If you date, don’t let him see it. If you have a father or grandfather who can spend time with him, that’s a huge win. Teach him to be tough, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I don’t mean teaching him to suppress his emotions, I mean teaching him not to let his emotions control him. Lots of hugs and love. If he’s still tiny, spend as much time as possible in the pre-K years making sure he learns as much as possible. Teach counting, simple arithmetic, letters, sounds (check out Leap Frog Letter Factory) anything you can. If you have any opportunity to teach him a second language, do it.

  12. I have what I can only describe as the greatest mom to ever live.

    We were always close and still are.

    She growing up she always supported anything I did no matter how dumb or how bad I was at it.

    She wasn’t controlling and pretty much gave me freedom (within reason), so I never felt a need to rebel.

    We always had shows that we would watch together to have some bonding time, and weekend movies were a must.

    And she always gave me my privacy, which is huge when you enter your teenage years, my room was “mine” so she’d knock and wait for a response before going in, she wouldn’t nag me to clean up (if it was super messy she’d probably make a comment), no random searching, etc.

  13. Like someone else said my mom made sure I cooked growing up…I got 3 sisters and a lot of paernts prob would’ve been like the girls are gonna do it. But she always made me get in there too. Her thing was as long as you need to eat you need to know how to cook. Won’t pretend I know a bunch of meals off the top of my head but ya boy does alright with a recipe lol.

  15. If you have any, don’t impose any of your religious beliefs on him. If he chooses to, he should seek his own spiritual path, even if it doesn’t involve yours.

  16. My mother was a single parent of 3. She taught me everything. She was a masculine role model and a feminine one. I know how to treat the opposite sex because of her and I know how to be a man because of her. Please forgive me if my use of traditional gender roles is offensive but I wholeheartedly believe that a more traditional view of these topics will help the children of the future while those that don’t will be traumatised by political trends that will eventually be exposed as such.

  17. Show him affection. Lots of hugs, kisses and cuddles. Even when he gets older, be super affectionate with him.

    Make talking about feelings normal in your household. Open spaces for emotional conversations to happen. After my wife passed away, me and my son would watch a movie together every night in my bed. That’s always when he would open up to me about anything that was troubling/upsetting him. It was like a mini therapy session for him. Especially since you’re a single mother. Having space for him to talk about the inevitable feelings that will come with not having a father. My son struggled a lot when he was younger, hearing everyone else talk about their mothers when his was dead. Mainly just be supportive and allow him to be emotional. I’m sure you’ll do just fine.

  18. He needs positive male role models. Make sure he spends as much time as possible with male relatives like your dad, brothers etc. (obviously unless there is a specific reason they would be a bad influence on him)

  19. My parents divorced when i was a preteen, but I really didn’t see much of my dad before that. So my mom took on both roles, teaching me how to cook/clean/do laundry/other things that are also “feminine,” and how to play sports/fix things around the house/other “masculine” things.

    If he’s young enough, learn some things for yourself as well, even if it’s just basic repairs, so you can teach him as well. Not only will you fix stuff, but it’ll also be a time for the two of you to bond. I promise you it WILL come in handy.

    Even if you aren’t athletic at all, and I know some people are, if he shows ANY interest in sports, be at every practice and game. It makes a world of a difference to someone knowing their parent supports them. My mom only ever missed my games when my brother was playing at the same time, but growing up I knew that she supported me, and it made us really close.

    Like I said earlier, don’t just introduce him to things that are “for boys,” I have some distant relatives who just fell into stereotypes that women like these things and men like those things. My mom taught me how to cook, garden, better ways to clean and organize, as well as how to sew and crochet.

    Most importantly, don’t be afraid of doing it all by yourself. My grandpa was a huge part of my life until he passed away when I was 10. If there’s something you don’t know or don’t feel comfortable teaching, there are people who do.

  20. just love him, help him grow, make thing happen to him, listen to him, communicate, well be a great normal mum (so not so normal)

    don’t drink or take pills and such, and try to date men with a brain 😇

  21. Some really good advice already in the comments so I’ll just add: Let him fail. It’ll be tempting to hover and make sure he’s taken care of…it’s vitally important that he learns to deal with failure and disappointment at an early age.

    This isn’t “oh the world sucks, let him have a dose of reality” though there is some of that which is true, this is to build his confidence and problem solving skills. My mom gave me a wide net with which to explore and fail, I knew I could come to her (and my dad, though they were separated) but they almost never “fixed it for me” as much let me know I had a solid foundation to rely on if needed, they helped guide me to good solutions, but I can count on one hand the times they just handed me an answer or fixed my problem for me.

    As a result: No anxiety as an adult. Pretty unflappable when it comes to emergency situations, confident that if I don’t know it I can figure it out, etc.

  22. >I’m a single mom, which makes this more important to me. No judgement please.

    No judgement, you do have to understand however that boys and girls are going to look up most to a role model of whichever of the two genders they are, so make sure your son does have some form of a consistent strong male role model in his life, whether that be an uncle, a good stepfather if you get into a relationship, a karate instructor, somebody in the community, etc.,

    As far as what you can do, it sounds cliche but just be there for him

    * Be supportive

    * Be patient

    * Empathetic

    * A loving authoritarian

    * Start knocking before you enter his bedroom when he hits about 11 / 12 years old

    * Understand that today’s climate does beat up on young boys a lot, so don’t tell him that his masculinity is “toxic” or any of the other misandry talking points

    * Hug him a lot

  23. lol I like how so many comments are about finding him a father. My dad was/is a dick head and I’m glad he wasn’t around. A step dad could have been nice I guess but could also have been worse.

    Just be caring and understanding that’s all that matters.

  24. Single mom of two teens here. How am I supposed to answer this, generally speaking? You may need a therapist or life coach if you’re asking in such a broad sense. Best of luck.

    Edit: fucking autocorrect

  25. Find him a positive male role model and just let him be a boy. The first often helps protect and ensure the second. Boys will be loud, they will catch frogs, they will play in mud. It’s a good thing to let them be a boy. Let them run and play. Let him wrestle. Wrestling and roughhousing is important. Let every stick be a sword or rifle. As he gets older ensure someone is there to to help him channel his aggression into positive and worthy endeavors. Testosterone is one hell of a drug, one that the calm steady hand of someone experienced in what it does to a young man’s mind, is really the only one qualified to handle

  26. I’ll share a few suggestions for a dynamic I wish had panned out differently in my own family.

    1. Your boy is your world but mothers are taught to wean babies off at a certain age. Many mothers unfortunately don’t know how to wean themselves off from their baby boys even when it’s far later into life.

    2. He may be the center of your universe, and you his, but there will come a time when it will change and you need to not fear that or resent him for it. You must trust the bond you build with him to be strong enough for him to want you because he chooses to, and not because you want him to.

    3. If you intend to not be with another man, pour all your love into your boy but do not see him as a version of his father who you need to raise to be a better man. Just educate him to be the best versión of himself.

    4. Teach him the value of hard work from a young age. He’s your little prince but he needs to earn his place in life through choices that aren’t always going to be nice and easy.

    5. As he’s growing up, make sure you share your knowledge and perspective on matters as a woman so he grows to respect women and both sides of a perspective.

    6. Teach him that apologies and chances aren’t just given, but need to be earned through intent and actions. That’s how he earns trust, respect, love and a sense of belonging in the lives of others as a person.

    7. Never look at yourself as weak or unfortunate. Be proud of your choices, and him and his, so that he doesn’t look at himself with blame and loathing for not having a father figure in his life.

    8. Have a responsible and trustworthy male presence as a regular, if not a constant, in his life so he can learn from him and build a bond over matters he may hesitate to talk to you about – either due to gender differences, or because he loves you too much.

    9. Inculcate responsibility and consequence in him from a young age. It will serve him all his life.

    10. Always work on your communication and social skills with him to strengthen your bond with him for life, and teach him to do the same so he can make such bonds too.

    11. To whatever extent you can, help him be financially savvy from a young age. From piggy banks, to earnings for chores, to more advanced concepts as he comes into his teens. Its another vital life skill that most aren’t taught young.

    I’ve tried to put some light on certain aspects that aren’t about the things you do, but the values, belief system and mindset you inculcate in him as he grows.

    I hope this helps.

  27. Male role model. A good one. A dedicated sports team, big brothers program, etc.

    No matter what the world says, children need a strong good mannered male role model. If you don’t think this, go look up the statistics for fatherless children.

    Do not introduce your son to men you date.

    Cook with him. Show him small tasks and work up. Reading. Outdoor time.

  28. Let him play in the mud and dirt as often as possible. Like let him get absolutely filthy from nature then hose him down and let him shower inside

  30. Teach him stuff. Encourage him in stuff. Theres not that much else to it. My mother taught me nothing. Didn’t encourage me at all. She would talk to others about the high hopes she had for me, but never actually to me. I remember speaking to one of my teachers and him saying that he spoke to my mother at a teacher parent thing that she had to attend. And her banging on about how the plan was for me to go to uni. The wasnt the first time I ever heard anything about that “plan”.

    My mother basically ignored me my whole childhood. She was great for throwing presents and money my way, but not much else. So I figure is you can be there. Teach him some stuff and encourage him in his interests that would be one awesome mother. In my view anyway.

    Best of luck.

  31. Be there for them, support them, make memories with them, etc. My mom has supported me, been there for me, been there when I needed to talk, etc. My mom did everything she could to be an amazing mother and I love her with all my heart. Just be there and support your kids, make memories with them and guide them in the right direction and you’ll be fine. I’m sure you’ll be an awesome mother and I’m sure your kids will love you.

  32. Mine has been gone for a long time, but I still remember vividly what she was like with me.

    She always showed interest in anything I did. She made it fun to go shopping with her. Even Groceries. We’d sit together, and plan vacations, mostly camping vacations. We spent evening doing that. She taught me to play cards. If I was having some problem, I could always go talk to her. She wasn’t judgemental. When I got old enough to do projects that included building something, she’d help me if I asked for it. I helped her with her projects, like painting. I helped her remove the wallpaper off our house, then she taught me how to hang it, too. I learned to sew because of her. And cook. I did a complete thanksgiving dinner at age 17, because she encouraged me to. I helped her with her canning.

    That I can live by myself, cook, clean, manage money, because she taught me to. And that she had Rheumatoid Arthritis for as long as I can remember, and she still TRIED to help me, even though she was in pain when she did it.

  33. Let him do boy things. Don’t be overly protective and let him have fun with the other kids at the park or playground.

  34. Ask lots of questions. Give LOTS of answers. Boys learn differently than girls. They are naturally interested in different things. I did not appreciate being forced into sports but my (single)mother never belittled my interest in the arts. My wife will attest that music is the only thing that has kept me sane. My kid was the jock I never was but he is a hard core music lover and has even been onstage with me at the opera! I owe that to my mom. She was desperately afraid I was gay (big deal in the 60’s and 70’s) but she never said a word.

  35. Read books to your child. Buy books, rent books from the library, anything. Make bedtime stories a thing in your home. Your child will likely grow to love literature, and be better equipped for reading both in school and for fun.

  39. stargazing and field trips. take interest in what he does and try to learn along with him.
    being a single mom can be one of the toughest things to be in this world but if anything it has one upside. you are one another’s world, nothing but one another to succeed in every way with. your buddy is gonna be your partner in crime and you’ll be his favorite teacher. so take pride in taking the first brave step, you’re on this adventure together.

  40. She gave me time, and took me on walks. She listened, and urged me to do my best. I’m sure it took a lot from her. Now we talk about gardening, and making food for our families, and giving back to our communities.

  41. My mom is just really someone I can talk to she’s always given me time and space to do stuff on my own only giving me a nudge into the right direction if she thought it was needed over she’s just super kind and attentive I probably wouldn’t even be here without her she also taught me to listen more to my emotions lots of guys just hide those away but it’s important to let those emotions be that being said every kid is different as well what helped me may not help him but just by the fact you’re asking this question I think you’ll be a good mom

  42. Teach him about his feelings. Soo many little boys grow up not understanding what they’re feeling because “boys will be boys” so they’re left to their own devices.

  44. Ask him about his favourite dinosaurs as a child. And when he grows up, keep asking him about his favourite dinosaurs. I find it so sad, as a 27 year old, that nobody cares about my favourite dinosaurs anymore. I love my mom though, she did a great job raising me. I was free to do what I wanted within reason, and I could speak about any subject without fear. Despite my parents being alcoholics, they did a good job in teaching us what addiction is. My mom eventually cleaned up, and I love her for all she is. I am grateful she left my father, and I had to fend for myself as my father turned against me to hurt her. Without this experience, I would have never grown up and matured. And I would have never known how to raise my own kids. Look at all your parents’ mistakes, and make it your mission to not make them as well. Love that boy!

  45. Told me she loved me and that she always would, and that me and my brothers were the most important thing in her life. Also a single mum.

    Also told me to never get in a car with a drunk driver. Was the only hard and fast rule she ever gave me.

  46. Take care of yourself and make sure the two of you guys are psychologically healthy!

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