Last year I (M46) was unfaithful to my wife (F44)
I initially tried to begin a flirtation with her best friend, however she told my wife that it made her uncomfortable, I stopped talking to her.
My wife was unwell at the time, she had a stomach issue which turned out to be quite debilitating. I work a rather high powered career and so I juggled caring for her.
Eventually I simply began sleeping with my assistant (F22), I pursued her, gifted her presents, made her feel special, then I began a sexual affair. Every Tuesday and Thursday I “worked late” (the old cliche) and took her to a hotel. Any chance I got, I had her in my office, in my car, in the woods.
My wife found messages on my phone, went through my work emails, found all of my receipts. She was distraught. I had led this girl on and cheated.
I feel horrendously guilty now, however at the time I felt entitled, I was harsh and nasty to my wife, I was cruel to my assistant and my wife threatened to divorce me.
She took a turn for the worse before she could speak to anyone and seeing her so frail made me crumble, I hoped and hoped she’d recover even if she wanted to divorce me still I could apologise properly, I’m wracked with guilt. My wife recovered somewhat and had improved massively and has reconsidered divorce, she’s still ill and against her better judgement still loves me. I begged her to stay, begged her to let me prove that nearly losing her made me see what I’d miss. She doesn’t believe that I’ve changed, thinks I’m lying. I go to therapy alone, I also go to couples therapy with her. She won’t let me touch her at all, no kissing, no cuddling, no affectionate behaviour at all, I want to show her I’m sorry and that I love her deeply but she is stonewalling me and I really feel like she’s just biding her time to divorce me. I don’t blame her at all for that, but I really want to save my marriage.
I am such a stupid fool and I really need proper advice.
7 comments
Ur only sorry u got caught, u get no sympathy u pos, do ur hopefully soon to be ex wife a favor and stop bothering her and let her recover
Sorry to say this but I don’t see how your marriage can be salvaged. You deserted her in her most vulnerable and difficult moments. You betrayed her in the ugliest of ways. Your actions have consequences. I hope she divorces you so that she can heal from the hurt because that’s what’s best for her.
Edited typos
There’s really nothing much you can do here buddy. You have to wait for her decision and respect it. Whatever it may be. If she chooses to leave you, let it be a lesson for your next relationship. Otherwise, let her be and allow her to find someone who deserves her.
You screwed up. You know you did. She knows you did. You seem to take responsibility for it. Sounds like she hasn’t decided if that is enough. You should probably ask her what is enough and whether there is a path forward – in front of the counselor. If she’s merely punishing you, this is unlikely to get better with time. If she is genuinely sorting through things, that is what the counselor is for.
Only positive action I can see would be proper time and action
Your wife deserves way better.
You sound like ur quite well off financially, and want to make amends… if so, dont fight back when ur wife divorces u and comes for half ur shit. She deserves more