This is a throwaway account since my s/o knows my reddit handle. I (27f) have been with my boyfriend (31m) for 1.5 years. He is a very good and kind man. Yet recently, I have found myself out of the honeymoon stage and suddenly aware of some aspects of his personality that have annoyed me. In particular, he is always funny and comical even when the situation is not and can hardly be serious. His comedy often ruins good conversation or cuts it short, making it lack depth. It frustrates me to no end now, where before it was something I liked about it him (not taking things too seriously). And I’m afraid, that recently he has gained quite a bit of weight and it has made a little less attracted to him. I have in turn, not been as interested in intimacy. I understand that the weight is more vanity on my part, and not a good reason to end a relationship. There a few other things but I don’t want to beat a dead horse. This is all to say, that I have just been more and more annoyed and disinterested with him recently and I fear it may just be me overanalyzing and being my worst enemy, or simply outgrowing the relationship. I am asking for some advice. In particular, is this normal in a long term relationship to go through this growing pain after the honeymoon stage? Is it normal to have fluctuating interest sometimes? And any advice on how to overcome this situation? Thank you all.
tl;dr: I have been recently feeling disinterested in my s/o after the honeymoon stage and need some advice on whether this is normal, and next steps.
3 comments
INFO: Do you live with him?
At only 1.5 years in, it’s alarming to be that annoyed and disinterested. Why would you settle for that at any age, but especially at 27?
I’m like him in how I make jokes about any situation. If things were getting a little too serious in the conversation, I’d throw in some kind of joke thinking I’d lighten the mood up and make the harsh conversation a little more pleasant in it’s delivery. Took a while but realized how annoying I was constantly being and wasn’t being seen as being funny or accomplishing anything I was hoping to with it. It was defense mechanism for when things seemed bad to make them a little better. He may be doing something similar. And damn, I’m guilty of the weight gain as well, and see how it would be a turn off. But now more into your actual question. Yeah, some relationships get out of the honeymoon period and see a downgrade in excitement. Some more than other, and still some that they just realize this isn’t who I want. Was fun in the beginning, but that excitement and fun has worn off. In the beginning everyone is trying to be and show their best material, and then slowly turn into their natural state of things. Personally, if you’re not feeling it after the honeymoon stage is over, it’s probably a sign that it’s over. Felt that way with my ex-wife during our dating stage. Absolutely did not feel the same for her as I once did. But married her anyways while I pretty much knew I shouldn’t. Everything progressively got worse. Having kids would bring a brief rebound, but quickly fade away. And now going through a divorce with the added bonus of bullshit false charges made. So take some time, look at your situation, and be true to yourself with how you feel. And if after a bit you just feel that the feelings are no longer there, it would be best to end things.