I’ll go first: I hooked up with this girl at my high school while school was in session in the teachers bathroom and we forgot to clean up. We didn’t realize it until the end of school. I’m surprised we didn’t get caught cuz I just assumed the staff was just going to review the security camera tapes but we got lucky.
Also it was my homie’s twin sister.
EDIT: When I say “anyone” in the title, I mean “family/friends.”
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Took a giant shit at a restaurant. When I flushed the toilet all the water and shit overflowed and flooded the restroom. I walked out like nothing happened and got in my car and left!
A ton of shit from my deployment to Afghanistan. Most of it involves death and misery.
One thing I only told my ex-gf was that I saw a farmer blow himself up trying to launch an RPG and I… laughed at it. I laughed at a man killing himself accidentally because what else could I do?
It was New Year’s Eve and my parents, and myself went to a party at my brother’s friend’s house. My stomach was messed up for whatever reason, but couldn’t poop. We slept at my brother’s apartment and I woke up in the middle of the night. I was sleeping in my sleeping bag. I felt a funny feeling in my pants. I reached in and felt my ass. It was all nasty. Yeah, I shit myself. Spent the rest of the night peeing out my ass. Ugh
I work as a high volume delivery driver in the evenings. There’s never enough time to take a proper bathroom break. Sometimes, you just gotta find a dark secluded spot and relieve yourself.
Having done this for quite some time, if you can’t find a dark strip of wooded road, the next best place is McMansion tract housing. Invariably, these houses have lots of windows on the front but very few if any on the sides. They also tend to have a lone huge bush that delineates the front yard from the backyard. That’s the sweet spot.
To all you folks in whose yard I have dropped a deuce or whose cheezy ninyl siding I have left permanent urine stains, I offer heartfelt thanks and apologies.
Shit my pants at Denny’s one night late after binge drinking.
Had sex with my then gf in the women’s restroom after school. While she was on her period.
Not particularly disgusting, but what I’ll never admit out loud is that we were both extremely more turned on than usual, and I think that’s because blood makes great lube lol. Ah, youth.
I cut the head off of a dead crow when I was about 8 years old because I wanted to see what was inside. The lady next door was concerned about my mental stability and had no issue with lecturing my parents about the possible psychopath they were raising.
>we forgot to clean up.
Clean up what exactly? Some jizz on the floor, what?
I’ve never done anything I would never tell ***anyone***.
I mean, the most messed up thing I’ve ever done was when I was a kid was something I did because I was a kid, couldn’t manage my emotions or really process the consequences of my actions.
My brother had a friend that would constantly pick on me and bully me. We were playing outside and I finally had enough, went inside grabbed an aluminum baseball bat walked outside he was looking the other way and I just cracked him across the back of the head with that bat. He collapses sobbing like a baby. At that point I was just a mess of tears and emotion had my brother not stopped me I was going to continue beating him about the head with that bat and likely would have killed him.
Was in New Orleans at Fahy’s Irish pub, somewhat famous pub. Drank this giant hurricane, a drink with a shit ton of alcohol in it, and just didn’t feel right after. Place was packed to the nuts and I knew I wasn’t going to make it to the bathroom to puke. Luckily the empty glass was still there and I managed to puke that drink back up and exactly fill the glass. Amazingly, nobody really noticed so I put it back on the table and called it a night. I’ve never had that drink since.
Saw an open pogo stick at a toy store. Let’s just say i stepped on it, got into position, and the world just literally flashed before my eyes and I was spread out on the ground. Idk what the fuck happened. I got up to my little asshat sister cracking up at my misfortune. Fuck them pogo sticks.
A few days after surgery I learned that even following the regimen I cannot handle pain meds. I blacked out went to a bar where after a beer or two I convinced another patron to cut my hair in the bathroom with the scissors from the bar- woke up in pain (the meds wore off) with the worst haircut of my life and no memory of wtf happened. At least I got home miraculously. I learned all of this a month later when I I went back and the bartender and the patron laughed their asses off telling me the story. Apparently I wasn’t sloppy and seemed cognitive. No pai. Meds for me please
Aight, so it wasn’t me, but one of the dudes I ran with in HS. And my mind went straight back to this because WTF bro 🙄
We roll up to this house party. Seemed like easily over a hundred people and a constant flow of more coming. Girls parents were out of town. She wanted to be cool and got it poppin. And I’m pretty sure it was wayyy more than she anticipated, so she was a mess. Was adamant about nobody going upstairs, besides to use the bathroom up there. Didn’t want anyone hooking up in bedrooms etc. Was trying to clean as everyone was partying.
Well said dude went up there IN HER ROOM and took a shit in her bed, wiped his ass on the pillowcase, then remade the bed like it didn’t happen.
Party got way out of hand. A brawl started in the kitchen turned living room. All types of things got broken. Cops show up. Everyone scatters. This poor girl not only had to try and clean that place up as best she could, but when she finally gets to go to sleep, she’s surprised by a fat turd sleeping in her bed and a shit streak on her pillow… bruhh…. imagine.
This wasn’t the first or last time this dude did some shit like this. Idk what his deal was with this. But the girls name is Shardae (spelling? It’s short for something) but any time that party was brought up, she was forever referred to as Shardoodoo’s party.
I have insomnia and my dad always gets annoyed when I’m up all night. It was 7 something in the morning and my dad just got up for the day, and I was trying to fall asleep but I really had to pee. I didn’t want to get up to go to the bathroom because he would see that I’m still awake and start in on me. So I tried to pee in the tiny garbage can in my room, but it ended up going all over the floor. So I had to sneak out of my room and get a mop to clean it up.
I came and put the semen on my houseplant soil to see if it will grow faster. Honestly… I think it worked lol. Not sure to what extent but It seems to be doing really good.
Pooped in a urinal.
1 time early in the morning I needed to do a shit BADLY, ran into burger king they said toilets are for customs only.
Luckily it was only me in there so I ordered the the first thing I saw they had ready, a hamburger
Ran in the toilet n dropped heat on the streets vol2… with bonus tracks on that toilet
Look up, now tissue paper, look in my food bag, no paper. Great customer service.
So I thought fuck it, unwrapped the burger n wiped my ass with a burger!
I thought no 1 is going to believe the janitor hahaha
Threw the burger in the toilet n didn’t flush, because fuck them
Then I wiped my ass with my rinsed with water hand n washed my hands n left
I’ve only ever told 1 man that story
Once i got drunk on cinco de mayo at a restaurant on the roof bar. Went a little hard and had to puke, puked all the way down the stairs and through one sitting area. Made it to the bathroom and i was all finished already!
It was awkward paying my tab lol.
I was doing laps around the running track at my club and I suddenly felt everything in my stomach leaving it, I clenched my butt and ran to the bathroom, I got in the stall, took of my pants, but I didn’t make it. I kinda shat myself, took my boxers off, finished pooping, then flushed them down the toilet. I continued training with only a pair of shorts and I’m pretty sure my boxers didn’t flush. I was 13 at the time.
Was at work and felt diarrhea coming on in a big way. As I hurried to the bathroom, I sharted. Once I got there I realized my underwear was a mess. Took them off and buried them as far into the trash can as I could and then covered it up with paper towels. Cleaned up with a ton of toilet paper and spent the rest of the day commando.
A homie’s TWIN sister ?
Hmmm
Went dirt bike riding with a mega hangover. Shit my pants. Went into the bush, flung off my undies and kept riding.
Do you wonder why public washrooms don’t have the toilet seat cover??? Yeah it’s because of drunks like me who can’t even see enough to tell that the damn thing is down. Piss everywhere.
I literally shit myself yesterday.
i took a shit on my friends vegetable garden ( it was u/matopif
I think I swallowed my own cum three to four different times thinking I will be saving up the energy lost on masturbation 🤦♂️I’m not proud of it.
I pooped in my friend’s front yard on a dare. His mother blamed their cat.
A girl I had started seeing for a month or so invited me to a family dinner.
At some point during the night she motioned for me to follow her outside.
She took me behind some bushes and we started having sex on the lawn. Can see her family inside through the window.
About a minute into it I feel the most amazing sensation on my balls as I’m pounding away. Takes me about 10 seconds to realise that her family dog is behind us and licking my balls as I’m going to town on her.
Now I could have stopped, but goddam the sensations were way too good.
Finished up and never told a soul.
Not even sure I wanna say this here, but in high school I (m, gay) went on a school trip with my friends. At one point, I was the only one left in the hotel room, and an urge came over me to go and smell all the guys’ underwear. And I did.
It’s especially fucked up, cause I didn’t even like it. It was pretty nasty. The only one I did like, I liked because the detergent smelled really good. I wonder to this day what kind it was, but it’s not like I can ask the guy lol.
I immediately felt guilt after and look back every now and then like “come on, man…. Why’d you do that?”
I thought this would be much worse. 90% of these are about shitting pants, the rest are peeing and cumming on random things.
I had gallbladder surgery a week prior to going away on a work trip with my partner. We flew in, arrived at our accommodation (a very nice Hotel) he dumped his bag in our room and left for work. I ordered room service and was about to discover that black pepper is now my enemy 😅 ….. I down my food and within minutes my bf is back for a quick visit. He would have been in our room for 10 mins max when my stomach started churning like I’ve never experienced before. I was shook. I sat still, sweating and praying he would just hurry up and go back to work. Finally, he does. Literally the minute he leaves our room, I sprint to the toilet and I.do.not.make.it. I tried. I really did.
Maybe I passed out from the stress/shock of it all because when I tell you it looked as tho somebody had shot the room up with brown paint ball pellets, I’m not kidding. It was everywhere. From floor to halfway up the wall, and in tile grout 🙈 All I had to clean it up was 1 toilet roll and a travel sized pack of makeup wipes. I had no chance.
So i did what anyone would do in my position. I rang the lobby and blamed my bf. I asked for cleaning products to be brought up so I could clean up after my partner who I suspected had food poisoning after eating their room service 🤭 They were so kind about it and I admit I giggled when watching my partner strut through reception the next day with no clue about what had happened.
Banged 40 ur old mom and a few months later her 20 year old daughter. Neither were in a relationship at the time. They do not know about each other.