My husband just can’t seem to grasp me getting a degree and working in tech will be worth all the sacrifice we are enduring now. I have one more year to go yet he keeps dismissing my education saying it is a waste of money and I’m dreaming big. I’m dead set on graduating with honors I might add. New graduates start at 100k in my field. We live in SF Bay Area CA, we need to make at least this much to get by and my salary will grow from there once I gain more years of experience.
Yet he says his coworkers are living just fine on 60k. He makes 65k gross. They have a house, go on vacations, have nice cars. I told him you don’t know the whole story. They could be in a lot of debt, they could have inherited their house. He just keeps repeating over and over saying they are doing fine. He really is going to make my path to graduating hell as I keep defending my education and its benefits. What’s he doing to say when I make 100k? He believes I can’t do it or he is trying to sabotage me? I thought as a married couple we act as a team and help each other be successful.
8 comments
Wet?
How much is that education costing? How much of that 65k is going towards your education? How much are you paying into it? Your feelings are certainly valid. Your position is the intelligent and correct one. It is much better to have the education. Thing is, your looking towards the future, hes *probably* thinking about current cost. While 100k a year is nice, there is no guarantee you will receive that. Current economic trends are not good, tech companies are currently downsizing. *well, some are*. Its quite complicated, and nothing is certain, but you should persue your dreams and he should be supportive.
Something he will never say anf possibly wouldn’t even understand himself is the current social trend of women, having achieved a particular level of social status/wealth leaving thier families and holding the man over a barrel. It’s no secret women overwhelmingly win the kids, the house, etc, etc. Add that to the fact that you’ll be able to afford better lawyers. Basically the old “man in a mid life crisis” trope in reverse.
If you do achieve your goals you will have the capability to utterly and completely destroy this mans entire life on a whim. Is he scared of that? Hell yes. Does he know how to successfully address it? Hell no. So…. if you persue your dreams, make sure they are “the teams” dreams too…
Who’s paying for the education?
In 2007 I wanted to become a coder but my wife at the time vetoed it. Now 15 years later we’re divorced (her choice) and I’m stuck in a career I’ve disliked since 2007. I say if you mean what you say — that this will put the family in a better place in a year — pursue it. He’ll come around when the paychecks start arriving. Good luck!
You have very unsupportive husband. I would feel very bad if my wife didn’t support my aspiration to get a degree and better job prospects.
Regarding ROI, you didn’t say how much your education costs and who pays for it now. Do you currently work or only study?
Also in the Bay Area, his 65k gross is not going to get you very much. You should continue your education and increase your earning potential.
65K gross is like what, 45-50K after taxes? How can that even cover the cost of a “nice car” and living expenses? And property taxes and home insurance. Maybe you can ask him why you guys don’t have nice cars, a house, and go on vacations like these people he is talking about. (I know I’m making an assumption about your house etc there but 65K doesn’t go very far).
This gives me the feeling that your husband is afraid of you having a better degree and earning more money than him. This will change the power dynamics in your relationship. He wants things to stay the way they are, because his arguments against you getting the degree are bs. It’s not a waste of money and what’s wrong with dreaming big? I know you are looking for things to convince your husband but I think you should watch for the underlying issues why he is so resentful of you getting better education and a better paying job.