I’m married and I was over at my friend’s apartment earlier today. We were watching tv and she put her feet on my lap. I don’t think she was aware, but it caused me to get a semi erection after a bit and she noticed as I was pushing her feet off. She said “oh” and laughed. I apologized and she said “it’s ok it happens.” We both laughed it off but I’m just wondering if this is cheating, and whether or not I need to do anything about it.
41 comments
I wouldn’t call that cheating, but also ask yourself how you’d feel if your wife put her feet on a male friend’s lap and he got a boner. I imagine you might be a bit uncomfortable with that. I also, woman here, wouldn’t be putting my feet on the lap of my married male friend…
I dont think its that bad, im not a guy but from my understanding it kind of just happens and ive seen men and thought oh theyre really hot while in a relationship which i think is natural.
One thing thats sus is why you were at a friends apartment watching tv with her. Also ask yourself if you have any feelings toward her and if you may had done things (and her) that could be considered crossing a line, maybe thats what caused it.
From a first glance, not a big deal. Looking at it further, maybe a big deal depending on the situation overall but i wouldnt suggest being alone with her at her apartment ever again – looks sus on your end imo
I think this is a point where you gotta back off. I don’t know your body, I don’t know your erections, but it might send the wrong signal to the other woman. Either way, this isn’t cheating, but it’s upsetting. I think you should at least tell your wife. And work it out with her and find find a solution.
It’s not cheating and you removed her feet immediately. It’s inappropriate that she put her feet on your lap. I don’t see how she wasn’t aware. She got the reaction she wanted. If you continue more alone time with her then the answer will be different.
You’re not cheating but I think going to her appartment may lead to it.
She knows the effect she has on you now.
I’ll avoid too much closeness with her and going one on one with her without your wife
Not cheating, but she knew what she was doing putting her feet on your lap.
Have clearer boundaries to remove potentially problematic interactions with the opposite sex.
The whole situation is sus. But your “friend” knew what she was doing and even if she didn’t she didn’t seem sorry.
If I wanted to keep my partner I would tell her, and either dump friend or set clear boundaries and not be any in any sort of similar situation with her again (alone, especially in her apartment) because she doesn’t seem to respect my relationship.
Why does your friend put her feet in your lap in the first place? That seems like a boundary crossing already
I’d work on some boundaries u/Live-Computer8814 I mean my watching movies alone and she has her feet on your lap? You’re married… that’s a no go for most of us. Be careful your friendship isn’t getting too close and you’re not developing feelings for her . My hubs and I def aren’t having movie night alone with someone of opposite sex and I’d never put my feet up on my married friends laps. I used to do that to guys I liked
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/is-your-friendship-becoming-an-emotional-affair-0822184/amp/
I think you even being alone with another woman in her home is a red flag. Also, how are you not aware that you put your feet in someone’s lap? You should get better boundaries before this escalates.
Why did she put her feet on your lap? Sounds like the erection wouldn’t have happened if there wasn’t that physical touch. Would you be comfortable with your wife putting her feet on a male friend’s lap? That’s an inherently intimate kind of touch. As a woman, I would only do that to someone I’m attracted to.
Her feet on your lap is something I consider an intimate form of cuddling. This is not something one typically does with someone other than their SO.
Must be a feet guy. Lol
Weird that you two don’t have boundaries, did you tell your wife your “friend” feels comfortable putting her feet on your lap? What else do you two do that could cross some boundaries? Really weird.
Of course it’s not cheating.
Although it is probably inappropriate for a woman put any of her body parts in your lap.
It’s doubtful your wife would enjoy seeing such a photo of you two in that position.
She put her feet in your lap?!?!? She’s making a move, and you’re flying into the danger zone.
Maybe not being so close.
If your wife is ok that she can put herself on you, then ok.
But, don’t think that it’s ok.
It’s not cheating, you stopped it.
Maybe, invite her to your place and hang all together.
Not a dude, but as far as I know it’s not like you can control when you get one. I would just make sure you have stricter boundaries with your friend. A little weird that she’s putting her feet on your lap in the first place
That “friend” doesn’t seem like a good friend. She crossed boundaries and I think that important to be aware of. Have respect for you wife and stop being her friend.
I think you and your friend need some boundaries. Why is she putting her feet on your lap? Why are you at her apartment? Maybe your friend needs to find a new friend.
Does she know you have a wife? Because she’s acting inappropriately. I don’t put my legs/feet on another guy’s lap no matter how close we are since I have a husband. There’s a boundary unless she’s trying to come on to you.
Are you cool with your wife placing her legs on some single man’s laps or sitting on his lap while watching TV until he gets a boner?
What did your wife say when you told her about this interaction with your friend?
Nah, but I would adjust boundaries accordingly to avoid these situations in the future. It being a one off can be made a joke, it being repeated would make me very uncomfortable as the SO
I think hanging out in a friend’s apartment alone, watching tv and the friend putting her feet in your lap would be crossing boundaries for many married couples. Not saying its cheating, but I would think its a boundary cross.
I would like to know wtf you’re doing at a single woman friend’s house if your married???
If I were your wife I’d be curious.
You didn’t cheat, but I find it unlikely that she didn’t know exactly what she was doing when she used you like that. Nobody just randomly puts their feet in someone’s lap. That is a conscious decision and an intimate one. She knew what she was doing and got a response she intended.
Set clear boundaries with her in future.
Definitely not cheating BUT I will say that the majority of unplanned affairs happen because spouses put themselves in situations where the ability to cheat is given an opportunity. Lines are crossed, boundries are blurred and before you know it you’re kissing then petting then sweaty and balls deep. God forbid you get stuck in affair fog and you’ll destroy your life and come out of it just in time to see everything crumbling down.
You should have enough sexual discipline to say no and hold your boundries/respect your marriage but keeping yourself out of those types of situations is just a good offense.
Also, you need to cut it off with that friend. Trust me, for the sake of your marriage, believe me when I say she is into you. NO ADULT WOMAN PUTS HER FEET IN A MANS LAP UNLESS SHE’S TESTING THE WATERS/PUTTING THE MOVES ON HIM. I think most women will agree with that. She is planting sexual seeds that will get you thinking of her sexually instead of platonically. Getting accidently aroused is one thing but that was not accidental. Very disrespectful to your marriage.
Even IF you confront her and set boundries it’s going to get awkward and tense and your spouse will notice and be uncomfortable but not know why. She’ll bring it up and if you’re like most men on here (not all so don’t come for me) you’ll say she’s over reacting you’re just friends etc and it will cause arguments and mistrust etc and that’s IF you don’t continue to spend alone time with her in which she continues testing the water with skimpy outfits, playful touches until you finally think with your dick and y’all sleep together.
Save yourself some time and a massive headache and cut her out. I don’t want to see you posting on here 9 months down the line about how you cheated on your wife for 8 mo with a friend and she left you.
Yes. But not necessarily because you got a boner but because you let her put her feet on your lap in the first place. You must’ve given her someething, she wouldn’t have done that out of nowhere.
Also were you hanging out alone with her? If so why?
Serious boundary crossing imo
Well I guess if you came home and your wife was sitting with her feet in another mans crotch and he had a hard on would you laugh and say things happen or would you ask her why are you putting your feet on his dick? Don’t be stupid.
Ehh no but you’re crossing physical boundaries. You have now very much opened the door to cheating. You shouldn’t be hanging around her anymore if you love and respect your wife and marriage.
Not cheating. But shady. And not you being shady. Your friend is… That just seems like they are pushing the boundaries now and testing what they can get away with.
Put yourself in your wife’s shoes. If she was with a male friend and she started doing that, how would you feel.
You didn’t cheat, talk to your wife let her know and you and her can grow from it. Likely may have to cut ties with that friend if it continues.
Definitely not cheating but a little sus that a friend would put her feet on your lap. It’s good that you put her feet away immediately but what if you didn’t have that boner… would you have put her feet away still?Establish boundaries my dude
It’s not cheating but I’d reevaluate how that friend acts around you when your wife isn’t there. Is she consistently inappropriately touchy? Does she act inappropriate with you in any other way? Be honest with yourself.
Cheating is defined as something different to every couple. Because you feel you may have crossed a line, be more aware of your interactions with this friend.
I say this way too often… I’ll never know how some of you people tie your shoes in the morning without getting on reddit to ask how…
Not cheating but you are playing with fire being alone with a woman that is not your wife, watching movies and being comfortable enough for her to put her feet in your lap. She knew what she was doing.
It is normal to get an erection but it is not normal for a female friend to put her feet on ur lap, especially when ur taken. It is also not okay to be alone in her house. She definitely wants sth.
If you would feel weird about a male friend snuggling his feet into your lap while watching tv, then this is not as innocent as you’re passing it off to be.
This “over at my friend’s apartment and we were watching TV” thing is not normal so cut the shit and stop going around getting chubs off other women’s feet you pos.