For sure I think I’ve been noticing that my wife has some mental issues that I hadn’t seen before for whatever reason
I still do love who I married, but it’s tiring because I put in a lot of effort to keep a good vibe, help her out, be calm and considerate around the house and out..
She’s always criticizing, never a good morning hug or warmth, often when she gets up..she’s complaining about something, how she slept, how I slept, theres a pan in the sink..this is before..’good morning’ just gets up and is intense and you don’t want to go near
Unfortunately, i just feel a small thing can set her off into an emotional tailspin, whose going to pick the movie tonight, choosing who’s car we are going to take, bring up any sensitive subject (ie. How long is your brother going to live with us?) she always has this strong opinion, claims to be open minded but she’s just stubborn…it just gets hairy..and it’s just impossible to have a calm and cool conversation, I feel it’s not normal, going for 1-10 so quickly
She always wants to talk psychology and enlightening, supportive conversations, we just don’t seem to have anymore
I feel there’s just no flow and positive energy. I feel edgy
Have you deal with this before? How do you manage?
6 comments
I have dealt with it before, and the answer was I stood up for myself and explained I was no longer going to deal with it. If your partner can’t deal with day to day issues in a mature manner, that’s an issue to me.
There is no right way the only way to win is l3ave because its not about winning
We came to an agreement.
I finally went and got therapy to better help myself. It sounds like a mood swing to me or something she’s going through personally. Try to communicate with her but in a more open way. I say this because some people are much more offended if they are triggered by something in the communication. Try to find a common ground between you both.
[Walking on eggshells](https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-handle-walking-on-eggshells-in-your-relationship-5207935) is a sign of an [unhealthy relationship](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/healthy-relationships/). I understand that you love her but love isn’t enough for a healthy relationship. If you are determined to try to make this work, insisting on individual therapy for her and marriage counseling for the two of you should be non-negotiable. Even with all of that, it’s common for a couple to be unable to break abusive patterns.
My husband and I have traded this role. At first it was him for a while, then me, then us. It was just poorly managed stress and inner conflict.
We’re in a point of our marriage that we can tell each other “Bro you’re being really negative. Either figure it out with me or figure it out yourself because this isn’t functional.”
We obviously find a variety of ways to say this either directly or silly or gently.
The truth is, regardless of how your wife feels, it isn’t your responsibility to babysit her or her behaviors. You have a right to enjoy your own day in your own home. When my husband was in those moods, I just didn’t engage or have conversations with him unless they were neutral or pleasant. I refused to entertain any argument or bickering.
Fortunately, I’m a little more self aware and found better coping strategies so not much is needed to deal with me when I’m like that.
So I’d say your options are to talk to her about how she’s feeling (then give her time to process and respond, this could take a few days or even weeks). Then just protect your peace.