I’ve been seeing this guy for 2 months now. He’s my main sexual partner and vice versa. We’re both using condoms with every other partners and we always used them together too. We both recently got STI tested and it came out all clear. Neither of us ever had any STIs before.
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His sexuality is boarderless. He’s had (and will keep on having for most of the following) experiences with men, trans sex workers, swing couples… Took part in orgies and a few porn videos. I respect that and don’t judge at all, but I can’t help but thinking that the less you have limits about sex, the more you’re puting yourself at risk. Sad but probably true. I don’t know those people he’s having intercourse with, and they might be less serious about hygiene than I am…
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He brought the topic of trying it without condom several times lately. Which I would love to do too, for obvious reasons. But I prefer being condom free with people I am exclusive with. I can tell he’s very honest with me but you can never be 100% sure… I don’t know if I can trust him.
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Do you guys think it’s a good idea?
46 comments
I’d keep using protection.
Not a good idea imo. That’s a pretty strong commitment and like you say it’s something you’re more comfortable with if you’re exclusive which you’re not
Without sexual exclusivity, I would not recommend ditching the condoms, especially since you mentioned in the post that you’re not sure if you can trust him and prefer only being condom free with people you’re exclusive with
Sounds like u r avoiding a tough conversation cuz of the impedimg realization.:D U probs got the hots for this guy cuz it sounds like u wanna be exclusive and he just wants to have a better experience with u. Whether he wants to have that experience with only u or multiple people is what u need to find out if u want to know if this is a good idea. I’m of the opinion everyone has a whore phase and then settles down. So it could be his way of chosing u or or it could be he just thinks u r cute and pliable enough to convince u to do it.go figure. Either way it’s OBVIOUSLY a bad idea if u do not establish boundaries. If u do establish boundaries it’s the same risk u take with doing anyone else. #securetherelationshipbeforeudoitbarebackraw
Keep using condoms .. Its not about trust its about preventing disease !! Maybe a Fatal one !!
Up to you to choose, you know him better than we do. As far as I can tell from your description, he had/has his fair share of sexual encounters, given the fact you’ve been knowing him for 2 months only, I’d be careful. When someone feel the need to reassure me I’m the only one he’s seeing regularly, what should I think about the other he might have sex with?
Btw, there are may diseases, from the mildest to the most dangerous. I wouldn’t tempt fate.
Edit: grammar
>Do you guys think it’s a good idea?
It all depends on how you want to handle risk.
In an open relationship (as opposed to a truly closed relationship), the potential for STIs is always going to be there. Even with condoms, even with testing.
Testing helps reduce the likelihood of STIs. Condoms help reduce the likelihood further. Though there are STIs that get around condoms (like herpes and HPV).
You’re only two months into seeing this guy, so I’d probably say stick with the condoms until you know him better.
I would only do that if he agreed to use condoms and/or dental dams with every other partner AND could produce verifiable proof that every other partner had recently tested negative for all STIs.
I’d only do it if he got a fresh std panel every time we were going to have sex.
AND PLEASE be careful that he doesn’t take the condom off whilst in doggy. Men have a bad rep of stealthing (idgaf how some of y’all feel about this. I’ve heard SO many horror stories of men taking off the condom whilst it was agreed upon before the sexual activity that protection would be used) and the woman ended up catching stis smfh
Use protection 1,000%
I would assume he’s not using protection with any of these other people and decide if you want a potentially dirty dick in you.
Does he use condoms with his other partners, and do you trust him to do so?
uuuuuh no, bad idea, keep using condoms.
Are you on bc? Are you exclusive? If either answer is no…Then nope!!!
If you want a STD or worse, go condonless.
With this guy always use a condom you don’t know where that has been before he got back to you
Going without condoms requires both trusting your partner and all of your partners partners and all of your partners partners partners…. and so on. I would keep using condoms unless you trust everyone in your city/community to be STD free.
Not sure where you are in the world but what did that sti test include? As a lot of ppl aren’t aware that they aren’t being tested for everything eg hsv aka herpes.
I wouldn’t go without protection if I were you. If he’s seeing multiple ppl he’s got a higher chance of eventually picking something up.
No keep using the condom
I’d talk to him a bunch more about his other encounters. If he ALWAYS uses a condom when having penetrative sex with others, you’re pretty much fine. That’s if he’s trustworthy.
This community is pretty paranoid about STDs. Looking at actual infection rates is pretty reassuring.
Unprotected sex exposes you to disease risk from every other person he has sex with and everyone they had sex with, and on and on and on. There is risk for him contracting a disease even if he is asking people to use protection. Things happen, and we all know it. In addition, in his case, he is interacting with people in very high risk groups. Your rule of being condom free only with an exclusive partner is the only reasonable approach, especially given his increased risk level. Condom free is a terrible idea and risk. Don’t do it.
Tell him your reason for not wanting to do condomless. He will understand and adapt accordingly. He may able to explain if you can trust his other partner or not. You never know , they may or may not as hygienic as you.
Would you suck on a lollipop that a room full of people has had a suck on first?
You know the answer to this.
Sounds like a terrible idea. Please, for your own sake, don’t go condomless. Better safe than sorry… and in this case, you could end up being VERY sorry.
I would suggest Cake brand Condoms!
You are absolutely correct in not trusting his word 100%. He might be an absolutely great and trustworthy guy but at the end of the day you have to live with your body for the rest of your life.
Uh even if yall was exclusive, i would keep using condoms
HELL NO
ALWAYS FOLLOW SAFE WAY
No way unless he wants to give all the other stuff up
The best idea considering what you wrote is keep on using condoms.
You are completely right, you can not know how mindful those people he has sex with are about diseases. Protect your health. That’ll be in your own best interest.
I hope he does not guilt or pressure you into trying it without condoms.
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Take care
I wouldn’t be ditching the condoms if you both have other sexual partners.
Yeah, some of those infections are forever. I don’t know if you’re immunized against HPV, but even if you are there are a lot of HPVs out there and no guarantee that Gardasil provides immunity to all of them. Even with a condom there’s some risk of herpes. I wouldn’t do it.
But this is really a question for your doctor. I’m just a guy who reads the news and the occasional abstract.
Absolutely fucking not. Super risky.
…… please, for the love of God keep using protection to protect yourself.
Yeah thats someone I wouldnt trust to be condomless with lmao
I would 100% keep using protection with him.
Kinda similar-ish to my own recent experiences. About 2,5 years Ive been involved with this couple of friends, mainly her friend with benefits, rarely something with him. With all outside of their relationship, they rubbered up, including me. Judged them trustworthy and about a year ago all of us got tested and we ditched the condoms. A few weeks ago they told me that they will no longer strictly use condoms with their more casual partners.
I noped outta there instantly. If I don’t feel physically save, a relationship will not work. And the amount of risk I know they take is too high for me to even consider sex with a condom. Sad, but the sensible thing to do.
Lol, if he doesn’t want to use condoms with you his not using them with other people. So the question is is the sex worth catching a horrible disease from him and having the rest of your life impacted by any number of possibly life threatening diseases? If the answer is yes, go ahead!
I wouldn’t be comfortable fluid binding with someone is only been with for 2 months even if we were monogamous. Unless you’ve talked to all their exes and seen the paperwork for STI tests and whatever birth control, you don’t really have enough info to go on for taking that particular risk. You simply don’t know each other enough to trust it in reality. The trust you’re talking about here is NRE, not experience.
It is not a good idea at all
The only way I see it working is that he gets a full panel STD test, and does not have any sex with anyone but you (with a condom) until it’s as sure as possible that he does not currently have anything you can contract.
That’s safe. And it’s not a *huge* ask if he really wants to be in you without protection.
Unprotected sex for most people who are STD conscious and careful is a very unique thing. They don’t just go it casually. Regardless of societal constraints or any individual hangups, it just makes sense. STD tests, only have sex with that partner, to have unprotected sex. And you would NOT be asking to much to have that boundary with your own body.
I’m a guy, btw, who absolutely has diminished quality in sex with condoms. No matter what, it’s not very good for me.
Guess what? When I’m fucking a hotwife, I wear a condom unless we have done the testing and talk it through.
FWB? Condom, unless testing and the same communication.
It’s your body. Some STD’s are just inconvenient. Some are with you for life.
It’s *your* choice, and then from there you need to decide if you really truly trust him to not double dip and possibly transmit something.
It’s up to you tbh if you wanna try it with no condom do it at your own risk🤷🏻♀️
Unless he’s willing to tune down his adventures, keep using protection. If he can’t understand that then you need to stop getting sexual with him in order to protect yourself. Respect goes both ways.