As a preface, we’ve been together for almost 9 months. In that time, I have given her head maybe 6 times and fingered maybe 3 times. Not once has she ever offered it back or even attempted stroking me. What does this mean and if this is something that I want to experience, should I end things?

34 comments

  1. You need to respect her boundaries and accept what she doesn’t like if she had already told you. Don’t give head purely because you expect it back, only give it because you want to.

  2. It means you have to decide if it’s a deal breaker or not or if you guys can compromise on something.

  3. Non reciprocal sex play is boring.
    You should communicate your needs with her. And understand why she expects it from you but not for you. Then decide if thats something you can live with. And if not … well, maybe youre just not compatible sexually 🤷

  4. 6 times oral in 9 months with a new girlfriend? Not saying you have to, but that would be disappointing for A LOT of women as well. Maybe if you up your own game? Talk about this with her.

  6. She’s probably never going to give you head. At least she honest. I’ve heard from my ex husband that some of his friends said their wives stop when they got married and then confessed they never liked it and only did it to keep them.

    Decide if it’s something you can live without, at least during this relationship.

  8. It’s like if your would lend your lawnmower to your neighbor. You wouldn’t expect a payment in return. You might even be happy to help.

    Later you ask your neighbor if you can borrow his hammer drill. He rejects saying he doesn’t like lending out his tools.

  9. Do you know why she does not like it ? What is bothering her ? Did she have a bad past experience ?

  10. She doesn’t touch you or give you oral.

    Has she told you why? Have you actually discussed it?

    Maybe she’s nervous or inexperienced, but if she’s unwilling to try, and it’s something you really want, that sounds like a dealbreaker.

    Are you touching her? 6 times of oral in 9 months isn’t a lot. Make sure it’s not a “you don’t touch me so I am not touching you” situation.

  11. You mean your exgf won’t give head.
    Let’s be honest it’s a deal breaker for you and that is why you are posting about it.

  12. You’re here posting, so it’s an issue for you. Particularly in our first few months, I was going down on him a lot. Multiple times per week. Just a lot of attention to his penis.

    I think it’s pretty expected that you’ll give and receive head in a relationship.

  15. My partner was the same many years ago and very prude. Just be patient and she will eventually come round to the idea in the end I bet mate. My partner now devours my cock and balls like it’s the tastiest thing she has every had in her mouth and is crazily enthusiastic about it! She will even blow me on days we aren’t having sex because she just enjoys seeing me get pleasure. It’s all about slowly getting over fears. People can and do change over time.

  16. First, I didn’t think it sounded like you were only giving to receive. However, sounds like the sexual side of the relationship is VERY vanilla. Sexual and emotional relationships thrive most when communication is very open. Confronting the situation with irritation or accusations will lead to defense quickly. It can be hard for most people to be able to be open and honest with their own feelings, let alone sharing them with others. This is a conversation that will need to be had for you to feel entirely satisfied with her in the bedroom. Things should be mixed up occasionally. Try different positions, maybe even different times of the day. Throw out ideas and see if she’d be interested in any of them. Being completely relaxed during pleasure is nice, but if it’s all the time, becomes one-sided quickly and if it’s a deal breaker for you, and she refuses to give you pleasure too, will inevitably end in a break up down the road anyway. The only person that can really help you here, is you. Open up communication and her response will ultimately be your answer.

  18. Yea I had this problem with an ex gf. She was very inexperienced but when ever I asked I could tell it visibly bothered her. She finally told me one day that she would never do it and I accepted it but after we broke up a few years later I met someone who would do it without me asking besides the 1st time. Now as I’m older I do want that and hope woman wouldn’t lie about doing it cause I’d rather know beforehand so I don’t expect from them and that would give me time to think about it since head is very important to me as a sexual act I would really want in a relationship. If she says this most likely she means it, either think if you want to be with someone without getting head ever or maybe let her know that it is very important to you and you might have to take time to rethink things over. Also you don’t want to have resentment after a while of not getting it.

  19. > should I end things?

    Why do you want us to tell you this?

    If oral sex is something you need in a relationship, you know the answer.

    If you can live happily without it, you know the answer.

  20. She doesn’t owe you anything regardless of what you have done to her. That said, if you are hoping to experience a more in depth sexual experience, it might be worth discussing that with your partner and coming to some conclusion

  23. Honestly, for her sake, i would end it if you cant get passed it. Let her keep penis out of her mouth for as long as possible.

  24. So for me, my wife would give me head every now and then when we were dating, but never more than a few minutes. I would go down on her almost every time we had sex, expecting nothing in return, but always hoping. She voiced to me that she did not like giving blowjobs and I accepted this. I would get head from her maybe once every two months or so, but I still really craved it.

    One day I decided to have an adult conversation with her about it. I told her basically how amazing they feel for me and I understood she doesn’t like giving them, but I would appreciate one even if it’s just a couple of times a month. I asked her if she liked when I went down on her and she said yes, that it would relieve her stress. I told her that we both have high-stress jobs and if we could do things to each others bodies to help alleviate the stress why not.

    I would never force her to do something she doesn’t want to do and blowjobs aren’t that great when the other person isn’t into it, but after our talk, I saw that made an effort and now I get them on the regular. She tells me she doesn’t mind giving them to me now. She said that because she knows that I enjoy them and how I feel about them, she doesn’t mind giving them now and as of recent, she gets into them and I know she’s enjoying herself and it makes for a fun sexual experience for both of us.

    I would say to sit down and have that conversation and if nothing changes, decide if this is something you can go without.

  25. I’ll start by saying that it is beyond my logical understanding how a couple could break because of something like this, if everything else in the relationship is good

    What you have to do is talk to her, and figure out what kind of things you are both ok with doing, and then do that. It’s also ok for you to tell her you would love to feel she giving head to you, but you respect she doesn’t want to. Talk to her and ask her if you can do something that makes it better for her.

  27. Sometimes people just have great chemistry with one another and not in bed. To me it sounds like you two don’t mesh well, stylistically, in bed

  29. If you like getting head, giving facials, her swallowing, run. Run like hell. Please be honest with her and if these things are wanted by you, do not mistake it, she will never like them or allow it. 30 year marriage, and now that I confronted my wife with the knowledge that it truly pisses me off that she does not give it to me she trys now with a true half effort and it bores me. Find a woman that enjoys the sex you enjoy, you want a slut, find a slut. Give her permission to be one.

  30. Give it a go in the shower…just play with eachother and explore yourselves, maybe slowly she will be open for that..

  32. It’s a fundamental thing. Sexual compatibility is a must for many, MANY relationships.

    Can you deal with this for the rest of your life, OP? Are you going to be okay with never receiving oral sex from her? If you’re fine with that, sure. Stay with her. If it isn’t, better to break it off and move on.

    It would be a dealbreaker for me if my boyfriend said no to ever giving me oral sex, especially since I do it to him.

  34. I don’t really like giving head, due to a past experience (not SA) and sometimes feeling insecure on doing it wrong/bad, so it might be worth asking if there’s a reason.

    My boyfriend isn’t particularly fussed on it and loves giving me head, but if that’s something you feel you couldn’t live without, that’s okay, but time to move on.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like