So today my husband and I got into an argument over something that I’ve done, but he has not explained and ended with my clothes in the toilet.
Background: For the last 8 months my husband (married 1.5yrs) has been dealing with recovering from a major road accident and it’s made him emotionally unstable and sensitive, though the sensitivity has always been his trait.
Today: so we have been on a good path lately where he’s feeling more stronger physically and mentally which has gotten us on a better track and I’ve been feeling in a good state mentally and emotionally too. But today our argument escalated and I’m starting to feel like I’m being emotionally abused. This morning I felt like he was upset about something since he’s been acting strange about something that happened yesterday when we caught up with our friends. So I asked him what was bothering him, instead of explaining why, he decided to say he doesn’t want to talk about it as nothing ever changes. So I let him have his moment and let the conversation go and wait until he’s ready to talk about it.
As the day went I decided to clean up the house and was focusing on tidying up our shelves and left the room just for a second to grab something to continue cleaning. But he was standing right in front where he saw me cleaning & I asked him to move so I can finish but he refused to, so I cleaned around him instead. According to him I pushed him, though I do not recall doing that. Since he knows I hate him smoking in the house (especially in our room) he decided he was going to light up and torment me. In retaliation I grabbed all his lighters in the house and his cigarettes and threw them in the bin, where he escalated to throwing ash on the floor where I just cleaned and threw my clothes on the floor, in the bin and stuffed some in the toilet while exclaiming that i’m inconsiderate and don’t think about him. So I can admit throwing his things in the bin was a bit much and see how it escalated things but I feel like he was taking digs to make me angry when I’ve been patient with him and actually acknowledged that he was upset and wanted to find a solution.
At this point I’m starting to feel like I’m being emotionally abused and don’t know how to take this or understand what’s happening even though I do know he’s going through it but I feel like I’m a punching bag for him right now though I’ve done so much to accommodate him and be more aware of what he’s going through. I’ve left the house since I felt like it’s getting very toxic and contemplating booking a hotel for the night since I can’t deal with the unwarranted aggression.
Is this normal?
3 comments
No, it is not normal. He seems to be using his trauma as a license to do as he pleases. When he stood in front of you, blocking your path, he was asserting dominance/control.
It is possible that the accident actually caused a brain injury. It may worth while seeing if a doctor can find something wrong in his head. That being said, it may not be safe for you to remain there, the way thigs seem to escalate between the 2 of you. If there is a brain injury, predicting his behavior will be impossible. If it is a mental issue alone, he has given himself permission to abuse you and that will only get worse.
Is it normal? No. I don’t t know that this incident was emotional abuse as I don’t know that you didn’t touch him and then he did something and you did and then he did and it sounds like there was some escalation on both sides. Beyond that, however, maybe. If this is ongoing that he’s lashing out then yes it could be deemed abuse. Sounds like he’s using his accident and recovery as a reason to make you a punching bag for what I imagine are his frustrations and trauma about him getting hurt.
I would not feel comfortable going home. Idk if its abuse but it’s REALLY mean and unprovoked. Something is going on. Instability like that would make me very uneasy. I’m very sorry you are struggling.